To ‘be more Mumsnet’ in 2025?

[Jumell]

I’m going to try and achieve some of these goals in 2025:-

Earn 100k pa at least
Move to Hampstead
Buy a Range Rover
Shop only at Boden
BAN the Daily Fail
Have 101 on Speed Dial
Get a ring doorbell

NEVER open front door except by prior appointment

Diet and then NEVER thereafter exceed a BMI of 20

Get tested for neurodiversity

Make a whole cooked chicken last a week
Massive salad

Go NC with my ENTIRE narcissistic family

Book a spa day

Get rid of my toilet brush

Chronicle daily how little I’m eating to keep my BMI permanently under 20

Encourage all woo threads as it fascinates me - generally - be more ‘woo’

Declare friendship groups as too much drama

SO C’MON!! There are worse goals for 2025 to have, surely?

Also make sure that you preempt any friend who is trying to say something with:

"I am sure, being x, y, z (aka. Mumsnet), you're going to say..." or "I am sure friend B will be along soon to say..."

Keep doing this till you have no friends left.

Yes and in general the number of posters who seem to live somewhere really inconvenient but be totally adverse to moving.

"I live rurally, don't drive, there's no childcare and anyway no jobs, I catch four buses to get anywhere." "I couldn't possibly move"

It does make you think what attracted them to live there in the first place ??!!!!

But it's unrealistic and privileged to question whether someone lives in a sensible place..

@kiraric Yes you are absolutely correct, it often comes as package like that.

True… true ..

I swear that about 30% of the women with problems on mn are only stuck where they are and struggling to change because “we live rurally”.

Quietly seethe if you ever give anyone a lift anywhere in your car, especially if you have to go 2 minutes out of your way.

Stick to a palette of influencer neutrals

Spend £2000 on a designer handbag

If your husband cheats on you, blame the evil 'OW' who 'stole' him by swiping him off the table while your back was turned. Even if he's 20 years older and her boss, it's entirely HER fault.

Become enraged if an animal has the audacity to toilet in your garden

Scream 'racist' at anyone who expresses concerns about immigration, and then be outraged about the new housing development popping up in your sleepy village.

Go NC with anyone who disagrees with you. Even if they are a close family member.

What about incessant laundry and UPF obsessions

You're an epic fail if you dont get a grip on those OP

Your MN posts must regularly contain the phrase

LIMIT SCREENTIME

The toilet brush thing is really hard, tried it in a fit of enthusiasm then had to go buy new ones !

I think you also need to get into the habit of saying to yourself 'I couldnt get over that' for whatever mistake or misunderstanding or wrong thing a friend or relative does. This is mandatory for a husband or partner and their flawed behaviour will be the end of the relationship for you.

Not before you've seen a solicitor though dont forget.

How did this get to five pages without anyone mentioning that you must hate your mil with a passion? Obviously she must, nonetheless, provide limitless childcare so you can whinge about the perfectly ordinary, non approved food she gives them.

And you don’t allow anyone to even look at your baby until they’re at least six months old.

Although, if you're living in Hampstead, might you be a cheeky chappy, 'professional Northerner' tv presenter with several shows on mainstream telly. That sort of Northerner , especially if their accent was less pronounced in real life, ( oh its my TV persona doncha know) would be okay in Hampstead ....possibly .

LOL

This is all excellently peak MN except for the last paragraph which made me clutch my pearls, snap and fart all at once.

Surely the MN lifestyle strictly excludes fanny and arsehole snaps, or have I been reading the wrong threads?

Never go for a number 2 anywhere but your own toilet. You must hold it in. Otherwise you are beastly. On holiday, take Imodium in copious amounts until you are safe and home (yes this is from a genuine thread 😂)

Oh definitely this. Your mother must be allowed to move in before the birth and live with you for 3 weeks after. Your inlaws can be permitted ,on sufferance, to visit for 20 minutes , but only after they've waited 2 weeks and been cancelled at least twice....because you're tired because your sisters were there for 10 hours the day before ( they've already visited 6 times) and you want a quiet day. Oh and the work colleague who has come to visit with a gift from your place of work ,shouldn't be allowed to hold and admire your beautiful baby and chat with you about the outside world. Oh dear God no. They must be given a hoover and asked to do the stairs because , if people aren't being helpful, they aren't welcome. All of these things have happened to people I know .

And also at the same time as holding it in to wait, make sure you dont fart because that comes under unforgivable behaviour and if your OH does it, he 'doesnt respect you' and is repulsive and giving you the ick.

I’m going to get myself a cocklodger in 2025. One who already has kids who he provides exactly £0 for. We’ll have a baby, because “he’ll be different with our DC,” and I will fund everything, cook all the meals, and do all of the housework, whilst he games and vapes all day. I’ll pay off his debts and take on some debt for him in my name, because he has bad credit, and how else could he get access to credit without me?

I can’t emphasise this more tbh!! 🤣

Yes but you must have at least 3 babies with him before starting a thread on Mumsnet to complain about him ..

This is indeed a beautiful dream. I wish you so much luck in finding this wondrous prince😍🤴

NOBODY must allude to anything lavatorial, ever

The QED to end all QEDs

MN don't ever change

Although I don't think the cliches (middle class, liberal) are true any more.

Isn’t everyone on weight loss drugs now? So should be on the 2025 list - STARTING JAN!. But lying / not telling anyone about it. Or is that not mc enough to be on this thread?