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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dating someone much more educated than you?

113 replies

LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:25

I'm a 40s man divorcee man who has met a 40s divorcee woman at tennis and am trying to work out if she'd be interested.

I run a successful company, we started in scaffolding but have now branched out to plumbing, gas, electrics and general construction and probably make a lot more money than her but have no education past 16 whereas she seems to have multiple Oxford degrees and works as a professor. I think we're evenly matched but my mates are saying there's no chance.

Don't care that she's smarter than me but don't want to make things awkward at the club if there's no hope here. She seems interested but can't tell for sure.

OP posts:
noworklifebalance · 30/12/2024 23:33

Doesn’t matter on your education per se but your substance - sounds cheesy but true. You weren’t a lazy good for nothing, you made something of yourself and so did she. You are probably just as bright but at different things, perhaps business for you and whatever her profession is for her and the different (and some same) skills they both require.
Do you have things in common beyond tennis - sense of humour? Outlook on life? Travel, food, film/tv etc

noworklifebalance · 30/12/2024 23:34

Your mates may be right.
Or they may be wrong…

owlexpress · 30/12/2024 23:36

probably make a lot more money than her

Given that you're looking at her and assessing her income... She probably isn't interested. HTH.

Attraction is based on many things. The fact you've boiled it down to education and income seems shallow.

username299 · 30/12/2024 23:37

Wouldn't put me off at all and I have a few degrees. I've never asked for someone's educational background before talking to them.

A decent person will accept you for who you are.

Murphs1 · 30/12/2024 23:39

I think it depends on whether you get on or not, and think you don’t need an education to be quick minded, witty and or funny. My husband is far more educated than myself, but he says I’m the smart one 😁 I’m inclined to agree.

itsmylife7 · 30/12/2024 23:39

Can you imagine her mixing with your friends and being comfortable and vice versa ?

Werp · 30/12/2024 23:39

For some people it matters, for others it doesn’t. I have three degrees, my partner dropped out of school before GCSEs. He’s intelligent and interested in the world (more so than many academics I know), and we get on and have similar values, I didn’t ask for his CV when we started dating.

Mylittlebobble · 30/12/2024 23:40

There's different forms of intelligence.

Original poster
LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:40

noworklifebalance · 30/12/2024 23:33

Doesn’t matter on your education per se but your substance - sounds cheesy but true. You weren’t a lazy good for nothing, you made something of yourself and so did she. You are probably just as bright but at different things, perhaps business for you and whatever her profession is for her and the different (and some same) skills they both require.
Do you have things in common beyond tennis - sense of humour? Outlook on life? Travel, food, film/tv etc

Thankyou, I do think she'd be awful at what I do but I could never do what she does. Swings and roundabouts I suppose.

We've got other stuff in common but most of all just have fun together. Humour is definitely matching and it hasn't came up yet but I think we'd be similar politically.

OP posts:
Elizo · 30/12/2024 23:42

LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:25

I'm a 40s man divorcee man who has met a 40s divorcee woman at tennis and am trying to work out if she'd be interested.

I run a successful company, we started in scaffolding but have now branched out to plumbing, gas, electrics and general construction and probably make a lot more money than her but have no education past 16 whereas she seems to have multiple Oxford degrees and works as a professor. I think we're evenly matched but my mates are saying there's no chance.

Don't care that she's smarter than me but don't want to make things awkward at the club if there's no hope here. She seems interested but can't tell for sure.

Just go for it! I have an Oxbridge degree and you sound eligible to me! Ha ha. If she isn’t keen for any reason no harm done

Holly184 · 30/12/2024 23:43

If you're both single ask her out ! I don't think many women would be put off that an attractive , hard working man with a successful business has no uni degree .
Similar values and attraction are so much more important.

IKnowAPlace · 30/12/2024 23:43

I love being around people with different life experiences to me - I learn so much from them.

As long as you have similar values and want the same kind of things in life, it could work.

Operating in very different social circles could be tricky, though.

Original poster
LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:44

owlexpress · 30/12/2024 23:36

probably make a lot more money than her

Given that you're looking at her and assessing her income... She probably isn't interested. HTH.

Attraction is based on many things. The fact you've boiled it down to education and income seems shallow.

Don't care about money or education, never have but I know a lot of people do which is why I mentioned it.

OP posts:
BrieHugger · 30/12/2024 23:44

I hate it when I meet new people and they ask “so what do you do?” like it’s an insight into my personality. I start off with hobbies, not work. Most people are not defined by their job. If she likes you, she likes you!

PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2024 23:44

As long as you both have genuine respect for the others' achievements in life, what's not to like?

Speaking personally, I don't apologise any more for my degrees, my intellectual and other interests and my tastes. They are what they are. Some are 'posh', some are intellectual and some aren't. If my partner doesn't want to do some of them, I'll happily go and do things with other people.

But do you have areas of crossover in what you enjoy doing? Do you enjoy talking to each other? That does matter. You're only going to find out by getting together and giving it a go. Enjoy.

Original poster
LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:49

itsmylife7 · 30/12/2024 23:39

Can you imagine her mixing with your friends and being comfortable and vice versa ?

I haven't met any other than this guy who sometimes comes to tennis with her and I like him but can't comment on the others. He's gay before anyone says something hahaha.

I'm not sure if she'd like my friends, they can be a bit rowdy.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:51

Elizo · 30/12/2024 23:42

Just go for it! I have an Oxbridge degree and you sound eligible to me! Ha ha. If she isn’t keen for any reason no harm done

Show quote history

Hahaha maybe you are the same person!

OP posts:
cherish123 · 30/12/2024 23:54

You are a successful business person so you obviously intelligent. I would focus on interests and attraction.

Elizo · 30/12/2024 23:55

LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:51

Hahaha maybe you are the same person!

Show quote history

No she sounds much smarter than me 🤪

Endofyear · 30/12/2024 23:56

Does it bother you that she's much more educated than you? If not, why should it bother her? Just ask her out and see how it goes! If you like her and get on well, I'd just go for it, don't overthink it. It sounds like you both just have different skillsets that's all!

Onacuctustree · 30/12/2024 23:56

itsmylife7 · 30/12/2024 23:39

Can you imagine her mixing with your friends and being comfortable and vice versa ?

Absolutely this.
If your lot are stuck in the stone age,and her lot are snobby.. it won't work.
But If you both have friends that actually know you..
Education means nothing.
How you relate to each other. That's what matters.

Crushed23 · 30/12/2024 23:56

Ask her out!

So great that you met someone you like organically (the dream...).

Original poster
LemonSheep · 30/12/2024 23:58

PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2024 23:44

As long as you both have genuine respect for the others' achievements in life, what's not to like?

Speaking personally, I don't apologise any more for my degrees, my intellectual and other interests and my tastes. They are what they are. Some are 'posh', some are intellectual and some aren't. If my partner doesn't want to do some of them, I'll happily go and do things with other people.

But do you have areas of crossover in what you enjoy doing? Do you enjoy talking to each other? That does matter. You're only going to find out by getting together and giving it a go. Enjoy.

We've got tennis obviously but are also into F1 and cooking. Every time we talk it never gets stale and she seems to like my jokes as I like hers.

I don't care about her subject at uni, I think it's nice she is passionate about something I just don't care about it myself. I think it's the same for her and my business. We both like to keep work at work.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 31/12/2024 00:03

If she’s actually significantly smarter than you, it’s probably not going to last (might be a nice fling though) but if you just mean she has much more formal education than you, that’s not necessarily an issue - you are going to be a lot better at running a business and managing people than her.

It’s true enough that most couples roughly match on education / occupation and attractiveness - so given she is going to be a thinker, you will likely have to be much the same - but if you are and everything else falls into place, then your surface differences won’t matter.

Anyway the only way to find out is to ask her out.

Go for it and good luck (your mates do not have your back here so be aware of that)

devilspawn · 31/12/2024 00:05

Totally depends on the person, many would find it more attractive that you have a different skillset to them and have practical skills.

I could fix your computer or hack your enemy but ask me to put up a shelf and I'm totally lost, even with YouTube. YouTube is the bane of my life because all the DIY videos start with someone saying "this is super easy, don't worry" and then immediately pull out 10 items of equipment I don't own and start talking gibberish.