Dating someone much more educated than you?

[LemonSheep]

I'm a 40s man divorcee man who has met a 40s divorcee woman at tennis and am trying to work out if she'd be interested.

I run a successful company, we started in scaffolding but have now branched out to plumbing, gas, electrics and general construction and probably make a lot more money than her but have no education past 16 whereas she seems to have multiple Oxford degrees and works as a professor. I think we're evenly matched but my mates are saying there's no chance.

Don't care that she's smarter than me but don't want to make things awkward at the club if there's no hope here. She seems interested but can't tell for sure.

If she’s an academic, leaving work at work might not be that easy!

I get the thing of wfh and working quite flexibly so sometimes I’m marking in the evening, etc.

but once I’ve finished work then I’ve finished work for the day. I don’t talk about my subject 24/7.

it sounds like you see some potential. The only way you’ll find out if she does, is if you throw your hat in the ring snd ask her.

Theoretically, if you have been a success at what you do, you will offer a lifestyle which may be equal or greater than what she is used to.

I can only imagine that her qualifications may be a barrier if she sees her area of expertise as a part of her self esteem. In other words, she may feel diminished if she is unable to speak about the arts/geography/sciences/politics/philosophy as that would be how she subconsciously flexes her worth.

Go for it! I have 3 degrees including a PhD and I have had research papers published in an academic journal, so I'm highly academic. My DH has never been to uni and has a military/ public service background - we've been together almost a decade and he's the love of my life! He has so many amazing qualities as a partner and a father, and we are very compatible in terms of life values and goals, despite our clear differences in educational background. It can work!

You come across really well OP and I think you have done amazing with your business. Kudo's to you for building it from scratch.

Nothing ventured nothing gained, you will know more than most - it will do no harm to explore the opportunity rather than regret you didn't try at the very least.

If it doesn't work, she's not the one for you and no doubt you'll be snapped up soon by someone who is. Best Wishes and hope all goes well:)

Take her for a coffee and tell her that you really like her and if if weren’t for the fact she is a high flying academic and probably wouldn’t be interested in someone like you, you’d have asked her out in a heartbeat. She how she responds!

Well I do. And we don’t know whether she will or not.

I have two female professor colleagues who are very happily married to builders.

I've dated loads of men with no qualifications (had relationships of over a year with 3), and it really doesn't matter, so long as they are intelligent and have active minds - a curiosity about the world and things going on around them.

I wouldn't date someone who was only interested in watching telly or scrolling on their phone, whatever their qualifications.

Very similar in my academic and professional circles - many extremely educated women in happy relationships with men with manual labour jobs.

I honestly think if I were starting out again, I wouldn't touch another academic with a bargepole! Two academics living together can be very unhealthy.

Go for it!

I am the educated one in my relationship. My partner left school at 16 and works in a very male dominated trade. I am a director at work.

We both have a very strong work ethic , good morals and a great sense of humour. We enjoy the same music, food, fitness in our spare time. Amazing chemistry and a lot of mutual respect.

He is actually a lot more pragmatic and practical than me as I tend to over analyse. We balance each other out and view each other as equals.

I can take him anywhere and he is comfortable and personable. I am also happy chatting to the guys from his work. We are very lucky to have found each other .

Good luck x

Well to be blunt straight women rarely have the choice nowadays, men are chronically under educated so better find a "good hard-working fun one" as that's pretty much all there is.

Go for it. It may or may not work out but you don't get anywhere by doing nothing. Just don't make a thing about your lack of education - be proud of your achievements. I had two boyfriends prior to getting married (not at the same time!) who constantly talked about not having degrees - presumably because I did and also a post graduate qualification. They clearly had issues about it, but I had none with them - both were intelligent, interesting people, who had good jobs.

I think asking her for a low key coffee or lunch is the way to go. Gauge her response from there. You sound like a decent man to me and that is a big plus.

No we don't. What we do know is that not everyone wants the same things because of their education.

Well, I’m only speaking for myself, but as I’m an academic with two Oxford degrees, it would be unlikely to work for me, unless the OP was someone who read a lot, which I assume he would have mentioned.

You don't have the academics but you have business intelligence. Not everything comes from books. I say this as someone with 3 degrees. I find ambition and go getting attractive. I'm sure I'm not alone. Don't get me wrong, someone who is stupid and I mean a bigot, can't spell, has no interests at all...then that would be different.

I have three degrees and DP does a manual job. He’s smart, funny, kind, and bloody good fun. He’s almost the most decent individual I’ve ever met. He has lots of interests and his friends are nice, and he gets on great with my friends (most from Uni) who are also nice, down to earth people.

Compatibility is down to more than education level. Ask her for a drink.

No harm in asking OP, she can only say no. Obviously there are people who care about educational background though. I had an elderly widowed neighbour who I helped to put an ad in the lonely hearts column back in the day. She was an amazing person, incredibly stylish, very well read, had travelled lots and seen many corners of the world. She had been a short hand typist and worked in different countries as a trailing spouse. She got into a relationship with a widower of a similar age, who had been a university lecturer, as had his late wife. They were good company for each other, used to travel together and were very much in a relationship.
Ten years later, he visited his daughter in NZ for one month and she heard nothing from him, which was very unusual and she was trying his mobile, but she had been blocked. A letter arrived shortly after to say he was finishing with her, and that he had found someone else who was better matched as she had been to university. They were all approaching 80 by this stage!

I am educated and I consider intelligence a must in a partner, but they don't have much to do with each other. In the adult world, intelligence as about openness and curiosity about the rest of the world, and the ability to think critically. I want to be able to discuss art, literature, music and current affairs with my partner - but you don't need a degree to say interesting things about any of those topics.

The more education you have the more you realise how much you don't know, too. DP and I both have Oxbridge degrees but very different ones and we are both total ignoramuses about the other's discipline. It's a running joke that he hasn't heard of Deleuze and Guattari and I find basic physics incomprehensible.

Also, the most stupid and incurious people I've ever met have definitely all been Oxbridge grads. The arrogant ones who were high on their own book-smarts and never got out of the bubble of People Like Them.

If your conversations with this woman are already going swimmingly then that's a good sign that the education gulf won't matter in the slightest. Plus tennis is a great thing to share, it's so involving and you'll be able to discuss backhand technique endlessly with each other (and have someone to moan to about your serve letting you down).

@LemonSheep just ask her on a date.

Dh and I met via OLD. I have a degree he has nothing post 16. I have had far more successful a career although following having had dd I took a massive step back and have settled in a mid level admin job so we earn similar amounts.

Honestly, if she gives a toss about your education level then she isn't the woman you think/hope she is.

Education level is not an indication of intelligence.

My fellow girl guide leader is a gardener and is married to a lovely scout leader with a PhD.

DH left school at 16. I have two Masters and I'm doing a doctorate. He earns 3x my salary.

Someone's either right for you, or they're not.

Education matters far less than intelligence. My partner is not as well educated as me because he chose to leave school and get a job rather than go to uni. That doesn't stop him being my intellectual equal. If you are a similar level when it comes to the ability to grasp things, reason, problem solve, both have interest and curiosity about the world and emotional intelligence, the fact she chose to remain in academia for a long time while you gained a different type of experience shouldn't matter. However, she is a unique person who none of us know and could be attracted or not to you based on lots of variables. Ask her. As long as you keep it light and casual and accept rejection if it comes with good grace then it shouldn't be awkward.