Dating someone much more educated than you?

[LemonSheep]

I'm a 40s man divorcee man who has met a 40s divorcee woman at tennis and am trying to work out if she'd be interested.

I run a successful company, we started in scaffolding but have now branched out to plumbing, gas, electrics and general construction and probably make a lot more money than her but have no education past 16 whereas she seems to have multiple Oxford degrees and works as a professor. I think we're evenly matched but my mates are saying there's no chance.

Don't care that she's smarter than me but don't want to make things awkward at the club if there's no hope here. She seems interested but can't tell for sure.

I wouldn’t consider myself particularly well educated (got a degree but that’s it) but I’ve had relationships with people with all sorts of edu action levels. The important thing for me would be are you interested in the world and people and how things tick. Unfortunately sometimes people who aren’t educated can come across as ‘dull’ - just football/love island and the pub and the people they’ve always known. That would be the turn off for me.

Someone else said this, I couldn't do her job but she'd have no chance of dealing with the BS I have to put up with each day hahaha.

I am going to offer some gentle projection here because you very much beginning to sound like my ex. We were quite mismatched education-wise although he is not a silly man. But, after a brilliant start to the relationship, it became apparent that we have vastly different interests and aspirations. After three years, he barely knew what my job was because, as you, he was simply not interested. But he would wax lyrical about his construction business like it was going out of fashion.
Then resentment set in because what I was doing wasn't seen as serious and he was the one who was coming home exhausted after a day of work and "you couldn't possibly imagine what it is like to do the job that I do" was thrown as an insult every time something wasn't to his liking.
He was also incredibly set in his views and close-minded. I like to approach a debate from an informed position. He would just shout louder. Any gentle suggestion to look up facts, or do a bit of reading on a subject would be dismissed.
He is a good, solid, kind man but a relationship with him was lonely and exhausting. We simply didn't have any points of connection. Sex and F1 on Sundays only get you so far. And once the racing season is over and sex looses it's novelty value, you are not going to enjoy hearing about her research and she is not going to be trilled to watch yet another "drive fast and shoot" film.
You already mentioned several times that you have no interest in her work and, for an academic, this is a non-starter.

Totally agree with your comment @Catza.

The mismatch in education was never objectively a problem for me in a previous relationship but the constant comments about 'the real world' and 'you couldn't cope with the BS I do' 'university of life' etc. He also had little interest in my research or areas of expertise and I wanted to be able to talk about these. Deal breaker.

Agree with the two previous comments, and the rowdy mates would put me right off.

She could be earning anything from 75k-350k in her job, but don't let that put you off!

Just saw that. My mistake 🙌

@Mirabai, if you were single (and we were lesbians), I’d be absolutely up for that date…

Sure. Plus anyone who still thinks academia exists in some ivory tower where people sit about thinking Deep Thoughts, dressing eccentrically and demonstrating an eggheaded inability to tie their own shoelaces might want to get better informed. You need to produce peer-reviewed research at a competitive level, teach, supervise, examine, be regularly successful in pitching for funding and administer large amounts of funding once awarded, host conferences, edit journals, supervise postgraduates, act as an external examiner, plus you do a large amount of managing post-docs and colleagues, running public engagement events, disseminating research outside of the university, general admin, running committees etc.

It’s not going to work, OP. You’re already denigrating her work, you seem to think your earnings are some kind of gotcha, and the fact that have have friends you yourself admit are stupid conspiracy theorists doesn’t suggest any kind of match.

I think that's a bit harsh, I think the point is he's not after her for the money that she may make by being more educated!

I don't think educational levels is necessarily a barrier but whether you feel you're evenly matched in terms of interests (which you obviously are at least with tennis) and whether you can keep a conversation going.

Are you otherwise similar in terms of outlook/values etc? I think that's usually more important than educational level (but is sometimes correlated)

Score! 💪🏼

Yes anyone who makes it to professor level these days has to demonstrate spme serious team management and budgeting chops. If she is in STEM she may well manage a budget in the hundreds of thousands.

Big educational gap between us, been together 45 years. Never caused us any problems but the comments from people we hardly knew you wouldn't believe. My favourite was "How do you talk to each other.".

I’m educated, work in a Global Senior role. OH is not educated and operates cranes. I significantly out earn him to the point he’s making tracks at becoming a stay at home dog dad in the near future (suits me - I hate looking after the house 😂)

It’s never ever been a problem for us. We understand stress and hard work looks different for each of us. We have a shared sense of humour and he is the ying to my yang. Feck being with someone who’s brain is as busy and frantic as mine!

We level eachother out - he is massively pragmatic and helps balance me when I have a tendency to think the world is ending over nonsense. I’m a strategic thinker with a ‘big picture’ sense of sight and emotional intelligence that has come from my education and professional roles, which he’s leaned on when having to deal with family matters.

If it’s the right person, it’s the right person. Regardless of intelligence.