Dating someone much more educated than you?

[LemonSheep]

I'm a 40s man divorcee man who has met a 40s divorcee woman at tennis and am trying to work out if she'd be interested.

I run a successful company, we started in scaffolding but have now branched out to plumbing, gas, electrics and general construction and probably make a lot more money than her but have no education past 16 whereas she seems to have multiple Oxford degrees and works as a professor. I think we're evenly matched but my mates are saying there's no chance.

Don't care that she's smarter than me but don't want to make things awkward at the club if there's no hope here. She seems interested but can't tell for sure.

I've known most of my close mates since secondary school and they are good people but a bit rowdy. Some of them are switched on but one in particular will go on rants about 5g, covid being fake, vaccines giving people heart attacks etc to anyone who will listen and there's no getting through to him.

I get on well with most people, lots of my clients are from educated backgrounds.

You are obviously intelligent, with many good qualities. Tennis is quite a middle class hobby and perhaps you see it as much for business networking as true socialising. Do you generally “fit in” there in terms of the broader cultural capital aspects? If yes then your lack of formal education is not relevant. If you are anti -intellectual then being with an academic would be a poor match.

You sound like a decent guy and down to earth. It also sounds like you respect this woman.

from what you’ve said, I can’t see you making things awkward at the club. She could, but if you’re already on friendly terms, I doubt that very much. Most women are flattered if they’re asked respectfully.

for these reasons, I’d say go for it. Ask her out. It might not work ( regardless of either party’s qualifications) but I reckon it’s far more likely to be a success if you’ve met each other in real life.

I have a couple of female friends who are educated to post grad level ( one a PhD, the other a masters) who are married to guys who left school at 16 and eventually set up their own businesses. They are very happy together

Someone else said this, I couldn't do her job but she'd have no chance of dealing with the BS I have to put up with each day hahaha.

Anyway it seems like most people think there's hope, I'm going to ask if she wants to get lunch after our next meet and see how it goes from there, if it doesn't work it is what it is.

It can sometimes work well because you may have skills that each other might lack.
Education doesn't necessarily equate with intelligence as I'm sure she knows.
If you get on well then you may be as intelligent as each other but she just has more academic qualities whereas you went in a practical direction.
You could end up being the perfect team!

I think all most women want when it comes down to it really, is a man who they can trust and who will treat them with kindness and respect, and who they enjoy the company of.
That's literally it. You don't need vast wealth or a PHD... or anu other specific thing.
Just kindness, decency and to hit it off naturally personality wise.

I get on with most people and have friends with all levels of education/income though if I am being honest my closest friends aren't the brains of Britain. I'm not anti-intellectual but I'm not a bookworm either, I think working as a professor is her own thing and that is that.

I'd say I fit in here but I didn't do it for business contacts I started because my daughter was interested hahaha.

Are you interesting? Can you keep up with conversations that range from the tennis to the differences between Jamie Oliver or Nigella? If you're saying you don't care or you don't know, then it's likely you won't last. But if you can laugh about it, or have a pretend serious conversation, "well, if you cannot appreciate Jamie's superiority in tearing herbs rather than Nigela's fine chopping, then I'm afraid we are never going to get on!".

As someone with a lot of formal education, I love a man who can hold his own, be witty, ask interesting questions and have a thoughtful opinion. His formal education doesn't matter.

From what you've said, you run a business and you've expanded it, so you've seen gaps in the market and managed risk to plug them. That's pretty fucking clever in my book and you don't need a piece of paper to show you've got some nous about you.

And I've been laughed into bed more often than I've been inspired by an education.

In my experience, these kind of educational mismatch relationships always fail seem to fail because the one with the lower level of education gets a massive chip on their shoulder and effectively tries to neg the one with the higher level of education to compensate. I've seen it happen many times and it's unpleasant to witness.

However... if you genuinely don't care, I don't see the issue. As you say, you have lots of great achievements in your own right and you both bring something to the table, so it's OK for you to both have different strengths and experiences!

Good luck. :)

I married someone who was going back to uni to do a second degree. No student loan, no help. I worked and held off on children and getting a house for 4 years to support him. It is a not particularly well paid job either in the industry he is in (£37000) after 4 years of study and 7 years working. Do I care? Nope. I love him and vice versa. That’s all that matters.

don’t overthink it

@LemonSheep glad you are going for it. Right decision. Let us know how you get on!

Thankyou. Better to try and fail than to never try at all!

Intelligence isn't about mere qualifications, @LemonSheep .
There are plenty of older generation people who didn't go to university , but worked their way up, and these are a lot more ''savvy'' than many graduates- Look at Sir Alan Sugar.
Nobody's fool, and left school at 16.

You sound like a catch. I have completely different interests to my husband. He's the sort that does maths on holiday for fun when he's not playing golf. I hate golf and my maths was good but nothing special.

Go for it! I have a degree (not Oxbridge) and never dated anyone else with a degree. It’s never entered my mind to be an issue. I much prefer a practical man to a highly educated one who calls a handyman out to change a lightbulb (not saying that educated men aren’t handy, obviously).

Plus you both like the F1 so that’s a big plus 😁

Unless you’re insecure about it I don’t see what’s the issue.

My DP and I have very different educations (not quite your situation) but he doesn’t mind it and we definitely keep the conversation going in a multitude of topics.

Being curious is what’s most important, IMO.

Speaking as a professor, I think it depends on what her area is. Mind sharing what that is?

Formal education doesn't equal intelligence at all.

She can write a thesis herself, she doesn't need you to do that. She just needs you to be a decent guy.

It sounds like some of your friends wouldn't be a match for her but she's dating you not them. Stop listening to them and give it a chance. Why are you letting 5g covid conspiracists influence your self confidence?

At 40, she'll have a fair idea of what's agopd match for her. Don't screen yourself put when she hasn't.

Just go for it don't listen to friends, having degrees in different ways , you have been to the university of life.

The different kind of work wouldn't bother me as I like people who are entrepreneurial but what would bother me is if you didn't like reading. That just wouldn't suit me at all.

Having a degree or any kind of higher education qualification does not make a person better than someone who does. More educated and maybe more book-smart yes, but not necessarily more intelligent.

It sounds like you’ve both made a success of your lives. And building up and running your own business is no mean feat. Go for it I say if you’re getting positive vibes.

Someone with multiple Oxbridge degrees here, including a PhD, now a professor.
I looked hard for a decent, hard-working man, who would truly love me and want to build a life with me. My husband, by chance, is also a professor (met at work, as lots of people probably do) but it was his honesty, integrity, humor and kindness that won my heart, not his degrees.
She may well be interested. And it really could work out.

You’re obviously very bright and successful. But it really depends what her subject is and her interests are.

Unless you were comfortable discussing Proust, Palladio, Paula Rego, Paganini, the Palatinate, I’d be flattered but I wouldn’t be interested.

Many women get turned on by men who wear uniforms and have to use their hands for work. Just saying.

With respect, why do you assume that someone who doesn't have degrees doesn't like reading. I really don't get it?

Hmmm "rowdy" I might have a real problem with, does that mean sexist, racist or homphobic ? DH is in construction I am a public sector worker ( as were both my parents) and this is where there is the greatest disparity.