Dating someone much more educated than you?

[LemonSheep]

I'm a 40s man divorcee man who has met a 40s divorcee woman at tennis and am trying to work out if she'd be interested.

I run a successful company, we started in scaffolding but have now branched out to plumbing, gas, electrics and general construction and probably make a lot more money than her but have no education past 16 whereas she seems to have multiple Oxford degrees and works as a professor. I think we're evenly matched but my mates are saying there's no chance.

Don't care that she's smarter than me but don't want to make things awkward at the club if there's no hope here. She seems interested but can't tell for sure.

Don't let her different background to yours get in the way. You already get on well and enjoy a laugh together so that's a very promising starting point. It honestly would not occur to me to enquire about someone's educational background: I would however quickly notice if they were generally a bit thick and hidebound and that would put me off, whether they had multiple degrees or not. Good luck!

If you started off in scaffolding, do you have a past that could cause an issue down the line? Criminal record or anything like that?
If not- and if you are an interesting person, then education and the level of qualification doesn't matter.
Don't let this become an issue for you

In that case, if the tennis club has some kind of coffee-or-tea place associated with it, ask her if she feels like having something after tennising. If she has to go wash her hair, well, a shame, but best to find out sooner. If not, there you are. Don't push. Us academics hate being pushed 🤓.

Statistics do prove that OP is right to think that this kind of thing does influence many women’s choice of partner. I’m not sure why it is any more shallow than other considerations.

I have three degrees and am an academic at a RG university. My DP of 10 years has no post 16 qualifications but he’s smarter than me, has much wider general knowledge, and earns a lot more than me. If you like her, ask her. If she’s the sort of woman who judges people only by their qualifications then she’s not the type of person you’d want to be with anyway.

Why would starting off in scaffolding mean he’s likely to have a bad past and a criminal record?

I think there's a big difference between being uneducated and a waste of space(like my ex husband) and lacking the education and being successful. You sound like the latter. You have made a successful business so you aren't stupid or unintelligent.

Richard Branson doesn't have post 16 education either and look at him.

Really? Speaking as a senior lecturer I can’t think why the subject would matter. 🤷‍♀️. I keep work at work, I don’t come home and talk about research methods, etc to dh. My job is a job….i might moan about colleagues or workload or students to dh but not about the actual subject.

i agree with others that lack of education doesn’t equal lack of intelligence. Dh while not as educated as me is just as intelligent. For me a partner needs to be someone with some stuff in common, similar outlook and values and someone who is interested in the world and what’s going on. None of which you need a degree for.

Perhaps the @FrostyGlacier 'Professor' can enlighten us as to why the subject would matter??

'Speaking as a professor' 🤣

Do you not use the word professor in the UK? That’s what we call ourselves in the US. You say “lecturer” instead?

Discipline matters because people in areas like philosophy tend to need to be with other educated people. While it’s less important for a professor of business management, for example.

Op said he isn't a 'bookworm'.

I have a few degrees in philosophy and am happy talking to most people. I really don't want to discuss the meaning of life 24/7. I don't care if someone is 'educated' or not.

By “be with” I meant partner-wise, not just having a chat.

I think perhaps, @FrostyGlacier, discipline matters in your opinion.

Such a generalisation to make; a broad, sweeping statement.. backed up by nothing only 'speaking as a professor'

So do I.

Education level isn’t an automatic predictor of intelligence levels, and you’re clearly a clever and capable man to have achieved what you have. If you can have interesting conversations, engage with her interests and show emotional intelligence there is no reason at all why you wouldn’t be compatible.

Also - different people value different things! You won’t know what’s important to her unless you see where things lead. As long as you’re respectful and decent about it (which it sounds like you would be) it doesn’t need to be awkward, even if she’s only interested in friendship.

I dated someone more intelligent than me, and it was great - having a fount of knowledge and insight always available, we used to talk non-stop. Give it a try, OP. If she is interested, you'll have a great time on your dates, even if a long term relationship isn't meant to be.

I actually don't think it's a good idea, lecturers are generally charming and polite and culturally sensitive because they are big on inclusivity to students from lesser advantaged backgrounds so they are generally good at talking to diverse people. Initially I too wondered about her subject area but really, someone so committed to education like her isn't going to bode well in a long term relationship with someone who sorry to say sounds like he feels inferior about his lack of education.
So i think your friends are right and she is just being nice. If this was a one night stand you'll never see each other again, fine go for it but this can be awkward if it flops.

@FrostyGlacier of course uk uses prof just that some lecturers aren't profs (yet?)

Personally OP I think it's character that matters not education level :)

I may have as many degrees as your lady friend. She will recognise that you are far more competent and skilled in many areas than she is. The more degrees a person does, often the more specialised they are in a very narrow area.

My ex was much less educated than I am, but it wasn't an issue because he was curious about things and open to learning. Plus there was stuff he knew about that I didn't. Respect each others differences and accept each other's different expertise.

I agree. I'm more academically educated than my partner, who hasn't a qualification to his name. However he is so practically intelligent in ways I could never be. He can just look at a problem and find a solution, whereas I'd be having to employ someone to fix it.
He has an interesting job so in social situations people always want to talk about it (F1) so his lack of formal education is a moot point.
All my degrees did were take me to a job that led to a breakdown!

We definitely have professors in the uk. Some universities even call their senior lecturers associate professors. Sadly not mine. 😁