It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

Some people born to young parents don’t get a pensioner parent. There’s lots of 30/40-something parents that die.

I don't think the percentages are accumulative. Each time, you start from the same baseline. So the chances will always be 5% on each try.

Yes, exactly. 5% on each try. So a more than 5% chance overall if you keep trying for a year or more.

I read very recently "you only regret the children you didn't have". This really struck a chord with me...I don't regret either of my kids but I regret not having a third. Maybe just something to sit with.

Haha! This made me laugh.

My friend is 57 and has a 14 year old son with severe disabilities. It's so hard. Especially now he and his ex have split. I know he loves him but he doesn't seem young. Can't imagine him being 66 and coping.

52 is too old imho

No idea how the maths stacks up but apparently 44% of 40 year olds will be pregnant within a year of trying. That's based on the figure of 5% average chances per cycle.

I can't wrap my head around the maths in that but apparently those are the correct figures 😂

This is helpful, thank you! I'll research more, and will keep talking with DH too.

For me, the biggest concern would be how long you and your DH would be around for your child. My dad was 47 when I was born and died of cancer when I was 21. I was effectively orphaned and it's been really hard to say the least. People often say on these threads 'well you could have a child at 30 and get knocked down by a bus at 40', but the older you get the more likely you are to die.

At 40 I don't think this is so much of an issue, but 53 is quite different. Sorry to sound macabre but in terms of life expectancy, statistically speaking, your DH would have about a 65% chance of seeing your child's 27th birthday and a 50% chance of seeing their 30th (assuming you conceived straight away).

Hopefully you'd both live to ripe old ages of course, just offering my 2p from the perspective of someone who lost their parent young.

Please explain how? You don’t add the percentages together, it’s the same chance on each throw of the dice, so pleAse remind me why the chance is greater the more times you do it?

(i did probability in 3rd year, over thirty years ago!)

My friend had a pensioner dad. Ex paratrooper, saw action in Suez, once nutted an 20 odd year old oik in a pub who was getting lairy. He was in his late 60's. He was a legend.

Your husband will be 70 when your baby is just heading off to uni. Do you really want that?
Be aware that this is your body playing tricks on you. You’ve been happily CF but now your hormones are playing Last Chance Saloon before menopause, which is all well and good but when reality hits and you’re up half the night with a screaming bairn it won’t seem like such a fabulous idea.

I read very recently "you only regret the children you didn't have". This really struck a chord with me...I don't regret either of my kids but I regret not having a third. Maybe just something to sit with.

I can only assume you're new to parenting forums if you've only heard this spouted out recently!

Is adopting an older child or fostering of any interest to you?

What makes you think this is relevant here? Adoption/fostering aren't an answer to having left it late to procreate biologically. They are totally different concepts - these days most children in the adoption/fostering system have experienced a lot of trauma or neglect and require very committed parents who can understand & be prepared to meet those needs. Adoption typically comes with much higher than average rates of FASD, damage due to antenatal drug exposure, high risk of disabilities & emotional/attachment disorders.

I had mine in my late 30s and had all of this in the same decade.
Admittedly, my peri phase has been monumentally long and I still have occasional periods in my 50s, so still can't declare myself post menopausal. 🤦‍♀️

There’s lots of 30/40-something parents that die.

"Lots"? Or actually, a very small minority, statistically?

Sounds great - a violent squaddie. Just what every child needs.

Again have you had a baby in your 40's? If not your not qualified to speak on the subject as you sounds so ignorant. Times have changed.

well aren't you delightful.lol

Oh I do love these older soldiers what a life story.

Quite.

I'm about to turn 50. Out of my year group of 60 or so in the sixth form, precisely three are no longer with us. That's not "lots".

I can guarantee there'll be quite a few more within 15 or so years though.

My friend had a pensioner dad. Ex paratrooper, saw action in Suez, once nutted an 20 odd year old oik in a pub who was getting lairy. He was in his late 60's. He was a legend.

We really have to admit at this point that if the 2 sides were getting scored the "pro go for it side" would be really struggling for points right now.

Maybe they were run over by that bus that keeps knocking over 30 something parents.

I guess you had to be there 😂. Went down a storm.

No I'm 50 years old lol. But it is the first time I've heard it. No crime there 😀

I'd say just go ahead and get pregnant, you haven't got time on your side to be putting it off..Wouldn't it be lovely for you in years to come to have the company and support of your child if anything did happen to your husband

In your position I'd probably do 'let nature decide'. I wouldn't do anything to prevent it but wouldn't start tracking ovulation and trying in the full on sense (which can often have the opposite effect as it introduces a lot of stress).