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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelled NYE plans - who is BU?

137 replies

GenerationAlphabet · 30/12/2024 18:29

Deliberately trying to be vague/neutral so I can sense check this without all the backstory.

Fairly new couple, X & Y have plans to spend NYE together at one of their homes. Both are very busy so they see each other around once or twice a month usually. X has developed a moderate cold so Y cancelled the plans. X is annoyed because Y is getting over a cold anyway and upset because they will be spending NYE alone. Y doesn’t want to risk catching another cold because they’ve already had a couple over the last month.

Who, if anyone, is BU?

OP posts:
2025nearly · 30/12/2024 19:13

I never used to be aware of people with colds but now I avoid them. I don’t want to catch one and if my teen dc catches it they will inevitably end up with a chest infection and antibiotics etc. So I would say although it’s disappointing I agree with Y.

InkHeart2024 · 30/12/2024 19:16

I can't imagine cancelling new years plans with my partner just because he had a cold. But then I like him so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Saltandvin · 30/12/2024 19:16

Goodness, the country would grind to a halt of everyone acted like this. Many nursery workers, teachers, medical staff and carers are in the close presence of colds daily throughout winter. It's just life.

Sunhatweather · 30/12/2024 19:18

Hardly a relationship, is it?
That said - I can’t think of anything more grim than snogging someone with a cold. If it is a cold. The last time someone said ‘it’s just a cold’ and I decided to still visit them, it ended up being Covid and both they and I were floored for two-three weeks afterwards.
If it was a nice meal, no snogging expected- I’d probably go but keep my distance because I wouldn’t want to catch something before going back to work.
And frankly, I’m also full-time plus family, plus studying p/t, and I could find more than once or twice a month to meet up.

waterrat · 30/12/2024 19:18

Anyone who chooses not to see a partner over a cold is very much not into them. And also extremely feeble.

thistimelastweek · 30/12/2024 19:19

How old are X and Y?

My young self would have risked pleurisy to see a man I really liked.

My older self is much more precious.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 30/12/2024 19:22

Not a relationship.
Should stop wasting time and find something real.

Coatsoff42 · 30/12/2024 19:23

If it’s literally just a cold, then Y is being an absolute wetter.
If it’s not covid, or immunosuppression or co-morbidity some other life or death situation, what is a cold compared to a potentially wonderful, fabulous night with the one you love? Have a lemsip, blow your nose and enjoy being together when the new year starts!

MaryGreenhill · 30/12/2024 19:24

I would not want to get another cold . I would reschedule a very special date and understand the other person's point of view .

Nina1013 · 30/12/2024 19:24

This isn’t a relationship.

However, on the cold issue - I catch everything going and end up often really floored by it. My husband probably catches 1 out of every 10+ things I catch, and much more mildly. He had a mild sore throat a few weeks. I ended up with such severe tonsillitis that I was on a drip for dehydration - caught from his mild sore throat. If this was a proper relationship and the avoider was like my husband - then yes, lame excuse and he’s just not into you. However, if the one avoiding was like me, it wouldn’t mean any more than a poor immune system and a genuine desire to not risk becoming really poorly again…

MaryGreenhill · 30/12/2024 19:25

Stravaig · 30/12/2024 19:13

Is X the stormy weather and Y the Hogmanay street parties in Edinburgh?

X needs to stop sulking, they'll be full of snot by the morn, and they've nay right to insist that Y gets blown over by their sneezes then has to spend a week oot of action themselves.

🤣🤣🤣

FedUp1000 · 30/12/2024 19:25

Team X

I think people saying it’s hardly a relationship don’t know all the ins and outs. Both me & my OH only have limited time to see each other so it works for us. It’s that or nothing so I take what time I can get.

We have cancelled if one isn’t feeling up to it but usually try, particularly if it’s an occasion or it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.

PinkyFlamingo · 30/12/2024 19:25

If you are "too busy" to see someone more than once a month then it's definitely not a relationship.

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 19:27

I hope op comes back and says which one they are and whether the characters are male or female. It doesn't necessarily make a difference but it's just easier to imagine than all this X and Y stuff

devilspawn · 30/12/2024 19:29

Y was obviously already looking for an excuse to cancel. If it hadn't been that it would have been something else.

HoppityBun · 30/12/2024 19:31

Neither is being unreasonable because the pov of each is understandable. What’s BU is getting annoyed rather than disappointed and not reassuring the other

YourGladSquid · 30/12/2024 19:32

NYE is an important “couples” night for me so I’d be devastated if my partner cancelled over a cold and left me by myself.

It’s break up worthy (for me).

Tubs11 · 30/12/2024 19:33

If my partner had a cold early on into our relationship I'd be round there with chicken soup, lozenges and a cuddle. We're married now so that level of tlc has a shorter commute. No way would I want to be with someone who cancels on me cause I've a cold unless it's for extreme health reasons.

NeedToChangeName · 30/12/2024 19:34

New relationship, new years eve? As Y, I'd have risked a cold, although I might have offered to cancel if X preferred, or suggested a takeaway and not stay overnight. I wouldn't have cancelled completely

Current me, decades later? My DH has a cold but I'm going to a party anyway!

PrincessOfPreschool · 30/12/2024 19:37

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 19:27

I hope op comes back and says which one they are and whether the characters are male or female. It doesn't necessarily make a difference but it's just easier to imagine than all this X and Y stuff

I would wager a fair bit X is a woman (also the OP) and Y is a man.

I think Y reckons they'll catch the cold with any intimacy, and doesn't really fancy kissing or having sex with a snotty person. Not only is it a bit gross but fairly certain you'll get the cold. If sex is off the cards then they can't be arsed with going round.

X is sad because they'd be happy with the company and a bit of a cuddle and kiss at midnight and breakfast together the next day.

OP, you could suggest you go to his place and that there will be no physical contact. You'll keep your distance and just chat/ watch movies or whatever. But I'm not sure he'll really be up for that.

Crazybaby123 · 30/12/2024 19:38

Depends on thr job, if they have jobs where they need a lot of energy or to be fully alert or can't afford to take any more time off for fear of repercussions, or dealing with vulnerable people or have to be on their feet all day then yes I can see why they can't afford to get a cold. Or if the colds were more flu like and it took them weeks to get over them, or they have a weak immune system for example then i can also see their point. If they work from home on a laptop for example and the cold was really mild then I would say they are being unreasonable to cancel the plans

Ironthrone · 30/12/2024 19:43

Seeing each other once or twice a month is not a relationship.

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/12/2024 19:44

Twice a month does not make a good relationship and Y is clearly not that into X.

Snowmanscarf · 30/12/2024 19:46

A cold can be a slight sniffle, or it could be full on illness. Depends on degree of cold.

MyDeftDuck · 30/12/2024 19:49

I think they should both grow up! If they were so invested in the relationship they surely they wouldn't let a snotty nose get in the way would they! Sound like a pair of drama queens TBH