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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she replace it?

1000 replies

Langarg · 30/12/2024 16:57

My friend asked if she could borrow my Dyson airwrap for her wedding as money was tight and she couldn’t afford a hairdresser. It was a small wedding with only her, her DH and two witnesses. I reluctantly agreed (bit of a people pleaser).

The wedding was two weeks ago, we exchanged a few messages back and forth the day after her wedding. A few days later I asked if she could please return my airwrap and she didn’t reply. I messaged again saying I really need it back as I don’t have a hair dryer anymore and solely use this to dry/style my hair and she eventually replied saying she accidentally left it in the hotel however the hotel are claiming it wasn’t left there.

She was very apologetic however didn’t offer to replace it or give me the money for it. I raised this with her and explained that I shouldn’t be left without my airwrap or out of pocket for her mistake and she said that she couldn’t afford to replace or give me the money for it. She then sent me a link to a post on Facebook marketplace of someone selling an older model for £150 and said that if I buy that she can pay me back in 3 monthly instalments.

I don’t want to accept this because firstly why should I be out of pocket £150 and risk not being paid back and I don’t want an older model when I had the newer one which cost me nearly £500 less than a year ago.

I explained this to her and she said she is going to be forced to put a brand new one on her credit card which will put her in to debt. I feel awful but I really don’t know what to do?!

Please give me some advice…

YABU = buy the £150 older model and hope she pays the 3 monthly instalments
YANBU = accept her offer of her buying a replacement on her credit card

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Needanewname42 · 31/12/2024 08:16

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/12/2024 22:51

She's kept it, hoping you'll just let it go...

You won't, so now she's trying to keep it until after NYE so she can use it before she goes out.

Tell her it's ok, you're going past there/your aunties friends dog is going past there... tomorrow so they can pop in and get it... or would she like to double check and see if in fact it did get packed up after all..

That's what I was thinking.
Op hope you get it back.

Hekett · 31/12/2024 08:19

Just saying I don’t think it’s necessarily been stolen by the “friend”.

DH left an expensive gift from his parents behind once - brand new and still in the box, hotel claimed not to have seen it. I forgot a make up container with £300 of almost new makeup in (which the hotel told me has been found, but magically disappeared when I went to collect it). And my friend lost a couple of hundred dollars from a hotel in the US (and it turned out one of the maids was stealing regularly, it made the local news).

So thefts do happen in hotels!

Summerlilly · 31/12/2024 08:23

There’s no way that hotel doesn’t have it if she left it there.
Ive left a something in a hotel twice now, one was a ring I didn’t even realise I was missing for a good week and the hotel had it in their lost and found. It even took me a good 3 weeks to retrieve my baby’s drink bottle and dummy. So they definitely hold on to things for a good while to see if anyone claims them.

I suspect she kept it unfortunately cause would you forget to pack that. It doesn’t belong to you and they aren’t inconspicuous or anything

RedRock41 · 31/12/2024 08:27

New one 💯. If it is really lost it wasn’t your fault and you’ve nothing to feel guilty about. She should have been more careful.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 31/12/2024 08:33

I’m interested in whether the hotel carpets really were deep blue?

Flipslop · 31/12/2024 08:34

We all want to know if you’ve contacted the hotel 🤔🤔😂

Changing2025 · 31/12/2024 08:34

I do think you should call her bluff.

I'd be saying- what's the point in doing a 4hr round trip if the hotel have said they definitely don't have it? You want the airwrap today for NYE tonight/New Years day tomorrow. So she needs to order you one now. If she'a busy and can't collect that's ok - Argos/Curry's/John Lewis etc do a click and collect, so if she orders one and sends the reference number/email you'll drive out to pick it up at your local one.

And if someone at the hotel stole it - she should report to the police and get a crime reference number.

But otherwise you need an Airwrap today. Send her the link to one and ask her to buy it now for click and collect.

Just repeat the whole 4hr return trip is just pointless if the hotel are saying they don't have it and you don't want to wait any longer.

I'd really be forcing the issue because either she did genuinely lose it and she's stalling for time or she has it. If she has it, it will miraculously appear this morning/or she'll reluctantly order a new one you can collect and you'll have it by this this afternoon.

AuntieMillicent · 31/12/2024 08:35

YANBU.
If that were me, which it wouldn't be because I'm very careful with other people's things (& don't really borrow in the first place just in case, accidents do happen!) I'd have replaced it, credit card or not, by however means, immediately and given you a new one.
I had something similar happen when I leant out my home laser machine (roughly £400 new)to a friend who needed it before a holiday. Messed me around while truing to collect it, kept making excuses and eventually admitted that she'd broken it..I never got a new one, sent it off for repair and the company sent it back still broken. I gave up in the end. I'll never lend anything expensive/important out again. Lesson learned.

RedRock41 · 31/12/2024 08:37

Wow 🤩… plot thickens 🍿… if she does read MN no one is buying the chameleon carpet story! Plus not being funny… newlywed men often like to be gallant (room sweep). My DH even now checks any hotel room top to bottom. Plus the radio 📻 silence before saying it was ‘left’ more than a bit fishy. Why wait until the 2nd!? This is a ‘friend’ you definitely don’t need in your life especially if she has form.

Augustus40 · 31/12/2024 08:51

She should buy a brand new on on instalments for you. Klarna. Qvc etc

Porcuine20 · 31/12/2024 08:53

Absolutely don’t accept a second hand replacement - there’s no way of knowing it’s not faulty/on its last legs and then you’d just have a broken hairdryer. She should be replacing with a new one.

bluetonguegiraffe · 31/12/2024 08:55

She owes you a new one. Not an old one that will crap out soon.

She lost it and she needs to accept getting into debt to replace it. Its tough on her sure, but its not justice for you to pay the price of her mistake and its really horrible of her to try to transfer the loss from her onto you.

PoppyRoseBucky · 31/12/2024 08:57

@RosesAndHellebores

What an utterly bizarre take.

By that same logic, if someone buys a brand new car for £20,000 as opposed to picking up a used one for £5000, is it ok if someone nicks it? After all, £20,000 obviously meant so little to them.

Utter nonsense take.

I have a MacBook Air. Cost £1000. I could easily have picked up a different laptop for £400 that would have done what I wanted it to do. Does the fact that I was able to spend £1000 mean that I shouldn't care if someone breaks/loses/steals it?

Of course not! It's something I bought with my hard-earned money and as matter of fact, I can't simply replace it as I don't have that kind of money lying around. Just because someone makes an expensive purchase once doesn't mean they can afford to make the same purchase again or that they just have tons of scatter cash lying around. Some of us save up for things that we want.

Just because you're happy with your £30 hairdryer doesn't mean that OP had to settle for one like that. She placed value in having a Dyson airwrap and so when she had the money she bought it. It's irrelevant if you think it's extravagant, or not worth it.

She bought something for £500 that she placed value in and wanted and her "friend" lost/broke/stole/stole and sold on/stole and kept for her own use...so she should get the item returned to her, brand new.

Just because someone has an expensive item doesn't make them well-off, either. And people who are well-off have as much entitlement as everyone else to not have their items stolen/lost/damaged as everyone else.

Memyselfmilly · 31/12/2024 08:58

PoppyRoseBucky · 31/12/2024 08:57

@RosesAndHellebores

What an utterly bizarre take.

By that same logic, if someone buys a brand new car for £20,000 as opposed to picking up a used one for £5000, is it ok if someone nicks it? After all, £20,000 obviously meant so little to them.

Utter nonsense take.

I have a MacBook Air. Cost £1000. I could easily have picked up a different laptop for £400 that would have done what I wanted it to do. Does the fact that I was able to spend £1000 mean that I shouldn't care if someone breaks/loses/steals it?

Of course not! It's something I bought with my hard-earned money and as matter of fact, I can't simply replace it as I don't have that kind of money lying around. Just because someone makes an expensive purchase once doesn't mean they can afford to make the same purchase again or that they just have tons of scatter cash lying around. Some of us save up for things that we want.

Just because you're happy with your £30 hairdryer doesn't mean that OP had to settle for one like that. She placed value in having a Dyson airwrap and so when she had the money she bought it. It's irrelevant if you think it's extravagant, or not worth it.

She bought something for £500 that she placed value in and wanted and her "friend" lost/broke/stole/stole and sold on/stole and kept for her own use...so she should get the item returned to her, brand new.

Just because someone has an expensive item doesn't make them well-off, either. And people who are well-off have as much entitlement as everyone else to not have their items stolen/lost/damaged as everyone else.

The irony is she would have typed her stupid comment on a phone or iPad or computer which cost how much? Doubt she’s tuning into Mumsnet on the wireless!

TheBluntTurtle · 31/12/2024 09:04

I’m also on team ‘she stole it’. If she was genuinely sorry she would have told you and replaced it. She owes you a like for like replacement OP not an old used model.
the absolute cheek of it all is that she asked to borrow it and put on a sob story that she couldn’t afford a hairdresser and you reluctantly lent it to her- you didn’t really want to lend it to her in the first place!

Viviennemary · 31/12/2024 09:08

She needs to replace it. I think she sounds dodgy. She should be able to claim on the hotels insurance as stolen.

MyGingerNinja · 31/12/2024 09:17

I’d be wanting the replacement now. When was the wedding? Hope she’s not waiting until the 2nd to be out of time for any hotel cctv being saved.. some places wipe their systems after a couple of weeks.

Codlingmoths · 31/12/2024 09:18

The good news is it’s going to magically turn up. Then you can tip the whole friendship in the bin, what a total turd move to steal it and suggest you get a second hand old model instead.

GrapefruitFrog · 31/12/2024 09:18

I have just told my husband the entirety of this as we’re in the car on a long journey. We’re both enthralled and invested. Husband suggests you send her a link to a reputable website selling new ones, and point out to her she can pay using Klarna in 12 monthly installments. Insist on having it purchased and delivered direct to you so you can “ensure you have the paperwork for warrantee etc”.

BeansOnToast32 · 31/12/2024 09:18

I'm sure she will be using it for NYE before "finding" it and returning it to you. I'd be stalking her socials to see if it looks like she's had a lovely blow out in any pics posted. 🤣

Billybagpuss · 31/12/2024 09:27

i wonder if she’s broken it and all of this is an elaborate ruse to cover it up.

Sweetiedarling2024 · 31/12/2024 09:30

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Gosh, so defensive… I really do think she has hung onto it for Christmas and NYE. She will be out, smashed, then hungover on the 1st (why she can’t “go to the hotel” until the 2nd) and then will return the air wrap on the 2nd.

I’d be tempted to turn up to her house unannounced with a box of chocolates, with the tone of - let’s not let an airwrap derail our friendship. Invite yourself in. When you get a chance go to the “loo” but go via her bedroom and have a look to see if you can see the airwrap.

changecandles · 31/12/2024 09:34

Scentedjasmin · 30/12/2024 22:22

I think that a good compromise might be for her to buy one on sale and maybe you contribute £50 towards the cost to cover the fact that it wasn't brand new, you'd been using it for a year and would be getting a brand new one, which presumably would have a warranty on for a couple of years.

Nope. There is no way in the universe the OP should be out of pocket at all. The fact that hers are a year old is irrelevant. It's not her problem to solve.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 31/12/2024 09:39

Iloveacurry · 30/12/2024 22:05

This reminds me of the ‘friend’ who picked up her friend’s glasses after a weekend away and pretended they were hers!

What a storyline that was. The great Getaway Specs Heist of 2024 has stayed with me!
By the way, I am aware it was a real person whose friend had stolen very expensive, worked-hard-for specs.

IlooklikeNigella · 31/12/2024 09:43

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 31/12/2024 09:39

What a storyline that was. The great Getaway Specs Heist of 2024 has stayed with me!
By the way, I am aware it was a real person whose friend had stolen very expensive, worked-hard-for specs.

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Omg yes! I'd love to read that thread now.

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