AIBU to keep lying to my friend about botox??

[BlueberryBricks]

This is semi light-hearted (semi!!!!) and please no "stop pumping poison into your face" posts, that's not the point.

I know I am probably BU.

My friend is very anti botox, quite into alternative therapies etc. Quite disapproving about a mutual friend who's lost a lot of weight on ozempic (who knows what that drug is going to do to her long term) etc etc. She's complained for a long time about her 11s (vertical lines in between eyebrows) and in the past I have jointly complained about mine.

Two years ago I started botox for my 11s and have been thrilled with the results. I still have a lot of movement but without frowning all the bloody time they have drastically faded, so I now go about once a year. No one knows or has guessed. DH doesn't know. He probably wouldn't be bothered but equally I think he'd not be keen. I also feel some kind of social disapproval (possibly in my head) hence why I've kept it quiet.

Recently my friend has noticed my lines look a lot better and has been asking me how I've done it. Partly to not feel disloyal in telling her something DH doesn't know, and partly to spare her the disappointment/avoid judgement that it's botox, I spun her a line about various creams that was partly true (but clearly not the main cause of the improvement!) thinking that would satisfy her.

But now she won't let up and every few weeks she's asking for more details of everything. Which exact facialist. Which exact creams. She's asking for brands of gua sha stones. I know people will think she's guessed it's botox and is trying to trick me up - but honestly I know my friend and she's quite naive, and I think increasingly hung up about her lines so is looking to my improvement as a hope that she can achieve the change she wants in a "natural" way. And I'm just digging myself a bigger and bigger hole.

I thought she'd eventually stop asking but it's showing no signs of going away....!

So should I confess to her (and therefore DH) and break her hopes that reversing deep lines without botox is possible??
Or just keep digging and eventually she'll stop??

YABU - put the poor woman out of her misery
YANBU - it's too late, stick with the stories and don't burst her bubble

If she's spending a fortune on all your recommendations I think it's very mean to not tell her the truth

Just tell her. If you keep on lying she'll end up spending money on something that's never going to work. Ultimately it's none of her business what you do.

Hmmm.

Can see if your friend is evangelical about certain categories of interventions that you would not want to share.

I don't think I could keep up the lie though with a friend I cared about...and would want to sit her down and say-

'here's the thing... We both hate our 11"s but I felt I couldn't keep up complaints/dissatisfaction and continue to spurn things that work. I decided I should either sort it or accept them. I am not against Botox if done with care - it was a medical thing before it was ever a plastic surgery thing after all - and as long as you are still able to express yourself with face expression I don't see the harm... So I did that.

I knew you would be horrified, so I chickened out of telling you. But the question hasn't faded away and my little white lie is becoming something it was never meant to be.

I hope this doesn't upset you, I never wanted to be dishonest, I just know how strongly you feel and couldn't face justifying myself.'

I don't understand why you are worried to tell her. Are you scared of her?

Just tell her.

And Ido you have before and after pictures of your wtf lines, please? Mine are dire and I'm considering Botox on them.

I find that some people who are so anti Botox and fillers a bit anxious about their own health.

I'd tell her though you've nothing to be ashamed of.

I wouldn’t fess up, I’ve never told anyone I have botox.
If she mentions your 11’s just ask her to stop commenting about your appearance or that you are so over talking about each other faces and change the subject.

Just tell her, who cares if she disapproves.

FWiW I'm late 30's and have Botox every 4-5 months combined with a cheap nice moisturiser - my skin is the best it's ever been. The average monthly cost is about £45. It's actually cheaper than all the expensive anti wrinkle/smoothing/brightening creams I was buying pre- Botox.

She’ll have worked out it’s Botox - I can spot it a mile off. No point not telling her.

So she disapproves of Botox, yet is happy to buy every cream under the sun!
Double standards, methinks.

Are you sure she isn't laughing at you and seeing how long you'll continue lying for, having figured it out ages ago?

Urgh. She sounds a bore. Either tell her or say it's microneedling but you're unreasonable to be a grown ass woman who is listening to the opinions of others! You do you!

I've just had my first Botox. I'm fairly certain that DH wouldn't have a clue if I didn't but I've had the same boring chat from him. He can fuck right off, as can your mate!

If she is then she's more of a bitch than the first post suggests. She'd better be bringing something else to the table.

She sounds like a judgy nob (I am sure she also has good qualities) but I think you can’t lie to her as she’s wasting money on crap. If you’d just said, dunno, must be good genes then you could have got away with it.

Who cares if she has?

I've never known Botox to make such a difference to anyone's 11s lines really.

I do know people who've had it done and just like yourself, they seem pleased with it, but again just like yourself they say no-one has noticed, so how can it have made a difference? 😳

Either way, you shouldn't be recommending anything in your case.

If she's stressing you out this much, tell her to wind her neck in and if she doesn't, then obviously stop being friends.

It doesn't have to be a drama.

Your lies are worse than her judgment.

Just tell her and tell her it's your decision to have had it and that you don't need her disapproval if she starts with it all
Your body, you decide
You are an adult

Botox is a natural pathogen.
Pretty sure even homeopaths should approve on that point alone. 😁
It is not a man made chemical. Though it does go through a process that makes it medically safe for use.

I think if she likes 'natural' she should like Botox.

It's from the same naturally occurring pathogen that if you ate it could lead to full body paralysis and death because its mechanism is nerve paralysis... But applied locally to a muscle just causes temporary local paralysis.

The horrible part of Botox is when people have it so it turns them into Amanda Holden someone who can't use face expressions when communicating so it's like taking to a weird sex doll-esque creature.

It is also used to help people who suffer from seriously excessive sweating as it can switch off that mechanism too.

Persuade your friend it's marvellous and then she too can enjoy the benefits. 👍

Tell her. Botox (snake venom?) is not that different from a bee sting facial, very “alternative”.

Yeah, this

Not snake venom.
Bacteria.
Botulinum.

The trouble with lying to people you love is that you can't let them ever find out. It's not the subject of the lying that matters, it's that they cannot then trust anything you've said and have to rebuild their history - things they had taken as true may not be.

But equally, you can't let her waste her money on creams. So can you work out a half-truth - the creams weren't working well enough and you've had to use botox (but maybe not as long ago as you actually did start), and throw in that you didn't tell your DH till a week ago and he needed to be the first to know?

Or @WomenInConstruction 's approach

I don't see that not liking Botox automatically makes someone a "bore" or "judgy", or that it's double standards to dislike Botox and be willing to use creams. I presume most of the posters are botox users themselves.

And if she isn't a botox user, then she won't have realised, and certainly won't be sniggering behind your back.

If she's stressing you out this much, tell her to wind her neck in and if she doesn't, then obviously stop being friends.
It doesn't have to be a drama.
That's the definition of drama 🤣

I had a green peel which had the same effect a botox as it rid me of forehead lines in my late 30s...in my 50s now and they have still not come back. Maybe try a green peel. they are deep enough to get rid of acne scaring so deep enough to improve wrinkles.

nope its botulinum toxin, go google