AIBU to keep lying to my friend about botox??

[BlueberryBricks]

This is semi light-hearted (semi!!!!) and please no "stop pumping poison into your face" posts, that's not the point.

I know I am probably BU.

My friend is very anti botox, quite into alternative therapies etc. Quite disapproving about a mutual friend who's lost a lot of weight on ozempic (who knows what that drug is going to do to her long term) etc etc. She's complained for a long time about her 11s (vertical lines in between eyebrows) and in the past I have jointly complained about mine.

Two years ago I started botox for my 11s and have been thrilled with the results. I still have a lot of movement but without frowning all the bloody time they have drastically faded, so I now go about once a year. No one knows or has guessed. DH doesn't know. He probably wouldn't be bothered but equally I think he'd not be keen. I also feel some kind of social disapproval (possibly in my head) hence why I've kept it quiet.

Recently my friend has noticed my lines look a lot better and has been asking me how I've done it. Partly to not feel disloyal in telling her something DH doesn't know, and partly to spare her the disappointment/avoid judgement that it's botox, I spun her a line about various creams that was partly true (but clearly not the main cause of the improvement!) thinking that would satisfy her.

But now she won't let up and every few weeks she's asking for more details of everything. Which exact facialist. Which exact creams. She's asking for brands of gua sha stones. I know people will think she's guessed it's botox and is trying to trick me up - but honestly I know my friend and she's quite naive, and I think increasingly hung up about her lines so is looking to my improvement as a hope that she can achieve the change she wants in a "natural" way. And I'm just digging myself a bigger and bigger hole.

I thought she'd eventually stop asking but it's showing no signs of going away....!

So should I confess to her (and therefore DH) and break her hopes that reversing deep lines without botox is possible??
Or just keep digging and eventually she'll stop??

YABU - put the poor woman out of her misery
YANBU - it's too late, stick with the stories and don't burst her bubble

I can see why you're caught on the horns of a dilemma. I'd tell her that you've booked in for some botox next week, you're going to give it a try.

She can then decide what she makes of that, if she's willing to lose your friendship over it because she can't remain friends with somone who uses Botox, then so be it. I don't think you can be held to ransom over your own choices that don't affect her?

she doesn't sound like a wonderful friend....not sure why you didn't tell your husband though....that just sounds like unnecessary stress.

I don't think you're obligated to tell her. I wouldn't mind telling a friend but if they're known to be disapproving then I understand why you wouldn't. It's not fair to say it's a certain cream or product when you know you've had Botox.

It's none of her business, and there's every likelihood that she'll be judgy if you tell her. She's unreasonable to keep pumping you for information. For those reasons, I would not tell her about your botox.

Whilst I would not be entirely comfortable about lying, I'd say that the creams have become less effective over time and that you are now keeping the 11s at bay with facial massage ( and find a link to some online facial massage recommendations).

I would have said to tell her you're using Frownies ( will link below), but if she mentions this in front of your DH, your story might be uncovered if he says he hasn't noticed you using them.

https://frownies.co.uk/?srsltid=AfmBOopcqhYkxBtdK6NB8GW4QOMDVKJTb8yZ_iMmCc9BB_oADcLn491v

Castor oil works amazing on lines- I would definitely recommend this for her

I would not tell her. You have let it to go on too long and will have a whole load of trouble to deal with. If the woman only has these lines to fret and worry about she is lucky. It is not your fault or your responsibility to take her lines onto your shoulders. I would not have told her either. What you do to your own body is private.

How is it drama?

"Wind your neck in. I'm not going to discuss it."

That's just a completely normal thing to say to someone in this scenario. It's simple communication about your boundaries 🤷‍♂️

If she won't, then just end the friendship.

I haven't had Botox... I am pro face expressions but also pro choice and some Botox practitioners are skilled enough to be able to give you a happy balance.

I think if I was bothered enough about lines I might get it and if I wouldn't get it, I would have to accept the lines.

I don't think you can whine about lines on and on and refuse Botox. Pick a team.

But that's a new lie that makes the first one worse, cos friend will think op did do Botox but results were no better than the creams etc as the difference she saw was when op was just using creams .. so now she's doubly deceived.

I had it for my frown line and that’s it, still have forehead wrinkles still have crows feet and I’m super happy with it. My friends don’t notice for ages and were surprised when I told them, I think one was discussing hers and I just said oh I got Botox in the end, but they weren’t arsed that I have. I don’t think you can tell I have it as I maintain the majority of my facial movement

I don’t think you’re under any obligation to share your private medical information with her. Next time she comments I’d just laugh her off and tell her your 2025 New Year’s resolution is to focus less on worrying about your appearance so let’s talk about something else.

@WomenInConstruction possibly, but I'm of the opinion that the DF can think what she wants and OP telling her she's booked in for Botox isn't a lie, because she will be at some point.

The other option is telling DF that you've been repeatedly lying to her over a period of time because you think she's judgy. Or continuing to lie repeatedly.

I think the lesser of the evils would be to start to tell the truth now? Who knows.

'Confess'?
You haven't committed a crime OP!

What sort of friendship is this, where you're happy to keep lying to her? A pretty shallow one it seems. And I wouldn't be surprised if she has guessed.
Would your husband really be bothered?

I can understand the predicament. I’d either say “Well that’s it, I’ve told you everything I’m using” every time she asks a question. Or say you were worried about the lines returning so you got Botox last week and you’ll see how it goes as to whether you continue using the products.

I think I’d go for the latter as otherwise I’d just be stressed out keeping the secret while her questions went on and on. It’s up to her how she reacts but it’s your face and your choice. It’s unlikely she’s guessed unless your forehead is completely frozen, I had Botox for a while (stopped because it was too expensive) and no one knew unless I told them

Yes tell her! x I had this with someone who had teeth whitening, told me it was just a new toothpaste they’d been using ..I was like wow and went an spent money on this toothpaste..it didn’t work.. found out much later while chatting she’d actually got proper whitening and I felt a little silly x

It completely removed mine in one session. I'm 52 i don't have so much Botox that you would be able to tell, just a bit round my eyes and those 11 lines and but it makes a big difference. You need it more than once a year though, I would say 3 times

Re OP i know what you mean about friends being judgmental but just tell her. I always thought my husband would hate the idea, but when i said i wanted to do it he was absolutely fine and now will happily pay for it out of his own money because if it makes me feel better he is happy. You may be surprised how both of them react. Let her have the opportunity to back off and get it done, rather than say i told you so.

I would say creams etc can improve the surface look of your skin on a day to day level but only genetics, Botox or surgery is going to hit the wrinkles.

No I wouldn’t tell her personally. I have a friend who has to know every detail of anything I do, she can’t think for herself and needs written instructions and recommendations for everything. Send her a book to read, she needs detailed explanations as she reads through it. Recommend a facial product, she needs full details on my routine start to finish. I realised years ago this was partly my fault for feeding this narrative and being too open and helpful. Now I give basic information and tell her that’s it. If she asks for more info I say it’s all online and she needs to do her research. I would do the same with your friend, you don’t owe her an explanation for everything you do and if you don’t want to tell her about the Botox you shouldn’t feel like you must.

this is the cream I like (send link to your moisturiser)
this is the gua sha (send link)
this a site that shows facial massages (send link)

then don’t engage about it further. Tell her peoples skin and facial muscles respond differently, you’ve found something that works for you and she needs to do the same as the above may not be what works for her.

I hate my 11 lines and cannot afford Botox. I just have to put up with them. Grew a fringe but when my hair is off my face I hate what I see, Wish I could make peace with ageing , it does depress me. I think you should tell your friend the truth and she may have already have guessed.

Your body your choice. Tell her, tell her why you were reluctant to tell her and shut down any negativity immediately.

Dont give her the spin about it being all natural so she should support it etc. You aren't there to debate it or try to persuade her and the animal cruelty alone is sufficient argument against Imo.

I really couldn’t be arsed with judgey friends. It’s my body/face and I’ll do what I want.

The fact she’s slagged off your friend for using Ozempic tells you all you need to know and that she’ll be more than happy to slag you off for not adhering to her standards.

If lying to her is easier than listening to/imagining her disapproval then she isnt that good a friend.

I was very antibotox (for me personally-i didnt say anything to other people) until i felt like i needed it and am now very tempted. She might be more open to it than you think.

OP - I think just keep up the lie. Tell her you’re very committed but it’s really all about genetics, and everyone’s skin is different. She’ll need to find something that works for her.

@BlueberryBricks
Side note, because I want this too (research phase!), did the old wrinkle completely relax, to the point there’s no evidence it was ever there? Or do you still have a gentle crack line?

You can’t beat a bit Botox can you, people are so funny about it