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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My mother has asked this - this is surely unreasonable

271 replies

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:11

My mother and stepfather are due to be seeing in New Year with her sister and husband (my Aunt) friends in a pretty holiday cottage in the Lake District - it is fairly remote apparently. The cottage - not stayed in before is much nearer to them than my Aunt who lives a long drive away. They are staying a week.
My Mum isn't great at technology - so paid my Aunt half by cheque and my Aunt booked it. However my Aunt has not yet sent any details of how to find the cottage, address etc. Though my Mother does know the name of the village it is in. Apparently my Mum has sent her 4 messages or phone calls (requesting this info) soon after Christmas but the information has not been forthcoming and my step father understandably is wishing they'd not booked.

My Mum is asking me to contact my Aunt - I've sent her a text asking for the info - on how to get into the cottage and address but despite a long message all about the joys of Christmas no info has been forthcoming. I don't see the holiday cottage giving this info to the person who is not on the booking form as they would surely revert this back to the booking person - as I had thought of telling my Mum to contact them.
My Aunt is a bit of Primadonna - but really she's being unreasonable isn't she? Presumably there must be some reason why she is 'gate keeping' this info? My Mum is worried about driving in the dark, and concerned that she won't be able to access the cottage until after her sister arrives. Her sister has form for arriving to events really late - she missed my wedding service for example.
I guess I have answered this question - but aside from telling my Mum never to arrange a cottage booking with them again, how should she proceed? My Aunt seems to be being deliberately obstructive? My Aunt is not picking up the phone, and being unspecific in messages. Grrr. I'm going to stay out of this and maybe end up with my Mum for new Year!
This is bizarre behaviour isn't it???

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 30/12/2024 11:13

Only reason I can think of for such behaviour is that your Aunt hasn't actually booked anything

JustCrow · 30/12/2024 11:14

Phone her?

BallerinaFall · 30/12/2024 11:14

She forgot to book it and is now embarrased

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 30/12/2024 11:14

I don't think she's booked it.....

Paganpentacle · 30/12/2024 11:14

Tell her your Mum is cancelling the trip.... seeing as she doesn't know where she's staying or how to get there.

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:14

I have tried phoning once - but she doesn't respond. and texts I'm out shopping ...

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 30/12/2024 11:16

Finding the cottage should be easy enough. Did she book it through Hoseasons or one of the other sites? Once you have the village name, and any other information listed in the description, a bit of detective work should be possible.

But it sounds like your aunt hasn't actually booked it, maybe left it too late ???

DangerMouseAndPenfoldx · 30/12/2024 11:17

Possible she didn’t book it and is now buying time while she sorts something out.?

Alternatively the village she’s given the details for us so small that the accommodation is actually the only thing there, so she thinks she’s provided the info.

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:17

Hi MeadowFinch. Yes we can probably find the cottage - but at 70 years old who wants to be waiting in the car for whenever my Aunt turns up... My Aunt apparently has sent lots of 'looking forward to seeing you' messages - but us just withholding this vital info.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/12/2024 11:18

That is bizarre and makes me think she forgot to book/booked the wrong dates. If it was just the night I would sack it off and make other plans, but as your mother has paid for a whole week that is a different story. Would your Aunt respond better to a deadline? I.e. “We’re packing up the car now and need to work out the route, where to stop for fuel etc, so please can you text me the address and postcode by 2pm today? Looking forward to seeing you.” If she doesn’t respond in time then call at 2pm… and if nothing then I wouldn’t be travelling today at all to be honest. Then it’s up to your Aunt to see if she will pull her finger out and salvage the rest of the week. Either way it’s a lesson learnt not to make plans with her again when she’s in charge of the arrangements.

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:19

I think when I've booked cottages before - a few years admittedly isn't there usually some joining info - directions etc? Nothing has been provided.

OP posts:
lateatwork · 30/12/2024 11:20

When is it booked from?

Mum5net · 30/12/2024 11:20

I guess it’s just as easy to text “Sorry, will send details tonight’ as it is to text “I’m out shopping’.
Was your mum’s cheque cashed?
Sounds like it’s game over for the two sisters.

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2024 11:21

Tell her your mother wants the money back as its obvious she never booked it. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. And if that’s not the case she can easily dispel the suspicion by sharing the booking info.

lateatwork · 30/12/2024 11:23

You could try calling incognito by masking your number.... But that's assuming she js screening calls.

Vanfan · 30/12/2024 11:23

Call her bluff.
I would send a message to your aunt telling her that as there is no information about the cottage and how to access it your parents have concluded that the booking was not made for some reason .They are now saving themselves a pointless journey and will be spending the new year with you.

BIossomtoes · 30/12/2024 11:23

Has the cheque (I didn’t know anyone still used them) been cashed?

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:23

Cheque cashed, my Aunt is v wealthy, so I don't think that's the issue. I'm going to have to let my Mum crack on with it. Bless her she said she doesn't even know what's included at the cottage. I've told her to take towels just in case. I'll leave my Aunt one last text message to tell her she's stressing Mum out. How hard it it to pass on the info. Especially as it has been joint paid for.

OP posts:
CarrotVan · 30/12/2024 11:24

Call your uncle?

Whyherewego · 30/12/2024 11:24

I'd call her from a different number or withhold number.
She either doesn't have the info because it's not been provided or she didn't book it.
Does your mum know company name ?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/12/2024 11:26

Does your aunt live with anyone you could phone instead?

I would try again with messages and a voicemail saying your mum needs to plan the route, you've asked 10x or whatever for details and it's getting to the point where its coming across as rude to ignore these requests, your mum has a right to this info given she has paid half and its hurtful she is being ignored. Can she forward the info today, its only forwarding an email so don't understand why she isn't doing it. Tell her if there has been a mix up and she didn't book or something she needs to tell you now so your mum can make other plans

Also - has the cheque been cashed? Can it be cancelled if not?

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:26

No Mum doesn't know company name - but did see a picture of the cottage. I think S. for whatever reason is delaying giving this info til the last minute. Sisters! I am NOT having Mum for NY or even suggesting this. I'll report back.

OP posts:
CherubEarrings · 30/12/2024 11:27

Hoppinggreen · 30/12/2024 11:13

Only reason I can think of for such behaviour is that your Aunt hasn't actually booked anything

This

FadedGreenGrey · 30/12/2024 11:27

Does the Aunt want to get there first, to chose the best room for herself? I’ve heard of this happening.
I’ve never shared a cottage, I should point out, so it’s not something I’ve done 🤣

Hayley1256 · 30/12/2024 11:27

Just ring the cottage and explain that your mum is staying there with her sister and has misplaced the info, can they help?