My mother has asked this - this is surely unreasonable

[BarrioQueen]

My mother and stepfather are due to be seeing in New Year with her sister and husband (my Aunt) friends in a pretty holiday cottage in the Lake District - it is fairly remote apparently. The cottage - not stayed in before is much nearer to them than my Aunt who lives a long drive away. They are staying a week.
My Mum isn't great at technology - so paid my Aunt half by cheque and my Aunt booked it. However my Aunt has not yet sent any details of how to find the cottage, address etc. Though my Mother does know the name of the village it is in. Apparently my Mum has sent her 4 messages or phone calls (requesting this info) soon after Christmas but the information has not been forthcoming and my step father understandably is wishing they'd not booked.

My Mum is asking me to contact my Aunt - I've sent her a text asking for the info - on how to get into the cottage and address but despite a long message all about the joys of Christmas no info has been forthcoming. I don't see the holiday cottage giving this info to the person who is not on the booking form as they would surely revert this back to the booking person - as I had thought of telling my Mum to contact them.
My Aunt is a bit of Primadonna - but really she's being unreasonable isn't she? Presumably there must be some reason why she is 'gate keeping' this info? My Mum is worried about driving in the dark, and concerned that she won't be able to access the cottage until after her sister arrives. Her sister has form for arriving to events really late - she missed my wedding service for example.
I guess I have answered this question - but aside from telling my Mum never to arrange a cottage booking with them again, how should she proceed? My Aunt seems to be being deliberately obstructive? My Aunt is not picking up the phone, and being unspecific in messages. Grrr. I'm going to stay out of this and maybe end up with my Mum for new Year!
This is bizarre behaviour isn't it???

Why are you judging a relationship of which you have zero background information and blaming OP when it's 100% the aunt who's behaving weirdly here?!

I can't imagine accepting money from my sister, getting her hopes up that I was going to enjoy an important holiday with her and then causing her great stress by acting shifty and not answering basic questions about our holiday. If OP's mum ends up alone at new year then 1) she will survive and 2) Any upset caused is entirely.the fault of the aunt

Your aunt sounds as though she still has a very childish relationship with her sister. Was she petty as a child?

I'd tell the aunt that mum was cancelling as she thinks there is obviously an issue with the cottage. Could she please bank transfer the momey back.

Hi @BarrioQueen I would text your aunty saying….
”Hi Aunty - I’m afraid there has been a big emergency and so we need you to ring me or mum as soon as possible. We have been trying to contact you but you won’t return my calls. Please contact us urgently to discuss”.

If you can see the holiday cottage online, see if it’s free to book tomorrow.

Is it a control thing? Leave your mum dangling til the last minute so she’ll be so relieved to find it’s all ok she’ll appear grateful to sister?
Keys are usually in a Keysafe these days so your aunt should send her the code too.

Yes this. She's clearly avoiding both you and your mum's calls. But if she then picks up, don't accept any 'I'm just out, I'll call you back later' stuff - insist she answers now. At the very least ask her which company it was booked with and then you can find out more yourselves.

This would be my guess!

Ring Uncle. Ring the landline. Ring from a withheld number.

It is not unheard of for holiday cottages not to give directions and key codes until the day before the booking. And if your Aunt is the one who has made the booking the contract is likely to tell her not to share keycodes which may be why she is not giving the info. (Nothing to do with who has paid just simply who is on the contract)

It just seems like a compromise, keep the holiday? It would be more extreme to blow up the whole relationship with your sister would it not?

I'm not gatekeeping the info I just don't remember when I'm in a position to find it and send it.
@GreyBlackBay just send it as soon as you book it then rather than them repeatedly having to ask for it, it’s not hard, and it’s obviously important to them.

I booked a lodge through a holiday company and it was almost 400 miles away. When we arrived I still hadn't received the key code. I had the owners contact details but he wasn't answering his phone. In the end I had to contact the booking company and he answered the phone to them, explaining he was at work. We already knew where the park was but we struggled to find the exact lodge. So it's possible your aunt doesn't have these details yet but if not why can't she just tell your mum that?

yes this. Surely give the auntie the benefit of the doubt until the day itself. Family are strange, quirky and annoying - but I cannot believe the number of people advocating that your mum should jeopardise the relationship with her sister for the sake of a night in a cottage and a few hundred pounds.

@BarrioQueen is your mum also financially comfortable? If so, I'd encourage her to pursue the payment issue with her sister later but for now, just book herself another cottage to go to for her own break. That allows her to (sorry) take control and know she'll get a holiday - as will you.

Can they not think of an excuse to go the next day?

Your aunt is on a little power trip. Pathetic

I really don't think your mum should book a cottaging session with your aunt 😅

Dear Aunt please confirm details of the cottage you have booked on behalf of us. You appear to have forgotten to do this. I can see the cheque is cashed so unless there is a massive problem you have not admitted to I cannot see why this is such an issue for you.

Going forward may be more important to address your mum’s fear of technology? 70
seems young to be struggling with online bookings and still writing cheques, at least compared to the older people I know.

You couldn’t really send a message with this tone though and then spend a week on holiday together! The atmosphere would be terrible!

I would advise your mum to go radio silence on her . Then much nearer the time just send a text ‘hope you were able to cancel the cottage ok’ nothing else. I think she is either trying to manipulate your mum or did not book it.

Even if the details hadn’t been sent to the aunt yet, why wouldn’t she say that? She could just say she thinks it’s around XYZ area but hasn’t received the exact address yet. To ignore all calls and messages is just completely bizarre. I’d be straight with her and say “We’ve been trying to get in touch about the address of the cottage but you’re ignoring us. Please either send the address or tell us what’s going on, or we’ll have to assume there’s a problem and the trip is cancelled”

Could it be that she just can’t find the email confirmation easily on her phone or whatever? If it was a while ago she booked it, she might be struggling to see where it is. There will usually be a reminder email come through nearer the time, I bet that’s when she’ll forward it all your mum.

I assume they’re supposed to arrive tomorrow as it’s a new year trip (but might have got that wrong!) so much nearer the time would probably be in 24 hours

Have your mum and stepdad developed a reputation for always arriving first and claiming the best room?

Otherwise, it is a bizarre way for sisters to communicate.