To feel that many men are totally unprepared and unsuited to domesticity?

[JFDIYOLO]

So many instances shared on Mumsnet of grown men behaving like adolescents.

Spending hours gaming, incapable of regulating their emotions, violent outbursts, dick-led decisions, expecting Mummy 2.0 from their wives, utterly lacking in empathy and care during pregnancy, labour, newborn baby & toddler years, father fails ...

But why is this?

Was it always so, or do we just hear way more now from women who are no longer prepared to put up with it and ready to discuss and share advice?

Should there be some kind of exam, a screening process before they can proceed to the next level of In A Relationship?

My husband is a modern day miracle then. Of course men can do housework, what exactly do you think is preventing them? A penis so giant they can't reach the worktop to wipe them? It's just they've organised life to suit them, making use of their size and power to keep women in drudgery. This is learned behaviour. There's no natural reason for men to not be able to run a house.

Oh me too. I do like a clean house. Just as well there are people who clean for a living. Best money I'll ever spend.

Nope, just facts. Kids today are accessing porn at age 11 on average. Young people's brains, cognitive abilities, ability to concentrate, what they consider normal, mental health and even physical health and more besides are absolutely destroyed by constant scrolling and the messages being received. Girls think anal rape and being treated like a pornbot is normal and boys are demanding more and more extreme things all the time from girls. Adults are grooming kids online all the time, psychos are everywhere online and your kids are viewing them. These are just the facts.

Your answer is lazy because the reality is scary.

And I already said there are exceptions. The post is about general trends.

https://www.bartleby.com/73/195.html
https://www.unicef.org/stories/social-media-bad-teens-mental-healthhttps://www.aacap.org/AACAP/FamiliesandYouth/FactsforFamilies/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx
https://medium.com/r/?
https://hms.harvard.edu/news/screen-time-brain
https://www.businessinsider.com.au/screen-time-effects-health-vision-staring-at-screens-bad-for-you-2019-1?r=US&IR=T
url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.aacap.org%2FAACAP%2FFamiliesandYouth%2FFactsforFamilies%2FFFF-Guide%2FChildren-And-Watching-TV-054.aspxhttps://healthmatters.nyp.org/what-does-too-much-screen-time-do-to-childrens-brains/#:~:text=Early%20data%20from%20a%20landmark,experienced%20thinning%20of%20the%20brain's
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2737909
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6214874/
https://www.eehealth.org/blog/2016/02/too-much-screen-time-and-kids-mental-health/
https://time.com/5437607/smartphones-teens-mental-health/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/
https://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/parents-need-to-start-talking-to-their-tweens-about-the-risks-of-porn/
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1077801210382866
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/07/magazine/teenagers-learning-online-porn-literacy-sex-education.html
https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/social-media-narcissism/
https://digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1073&context=dignity
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23320871/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3214398/
https://medium.com/r/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.scientificamerican.com%2Farticle%2Fpeople-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings%2F
https://nutrition.org/internet-use-and-obesity/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20authors%2C%20%E2%80%9Cfindings,compared%20to%20the%20most%20infrequent

I think they want different things at home… people clash…different upbringing.

its easier to live without a partner on you’re own terms.

Sorry to say but it's also women being martyrs. Everyone that I know with useless partners are 100% martyrs. Those who have capable partners don't put up with shit. That's been my experience at least.

@Sosayallofus wtf has internet porn got to do with the ability to cook, clean and generally look after yourself?

As the OP said "Spending hours gaming...incapable of regulating their emotions, violent outbursts, dick-led decisions, expecting Mummy 2.0 from their wives, utterly lacking in empathy and care during pregnancy, labour, newborn baby & toddler years, father fails ...

Probably best you read the original post and my actual response before commenting.

Where is the need to be so vulgar?

You do what works for you. I obviously come from a different culture to you. My husband had never cooked/cleaned anything in his life. It comes naturally to me to be at home and to him to go out and earn a living.

@sosayallofus Fancy running for PM?!

It's just excuses for men to be lazy. No. I don't accept internet porn is an excuse to be a useless partner.

What on earth would he do if you weren't around? Enabling men to be useless isn't good for anyone.

I would be a bit surprised if your partner wasn’t house trained! Most adults go to the toilet.

I don’t know any in my immediate circle - I have lots of men in my close friendship group (mixed group that met at university) and all are decent partners, hard workers, kind and good fathers, as is my own husband and as was my own father.

However, now that I have kids and am mixing outside my own circle more with other mothers, including my step DC’s mother, I’ve been quite shocked at how completely fucking pointless a lot of men are. SDD’s step dad does nothing. Has a job, but does absolutely nothing else - no cooking, no cleaning, no admin and doesn’t drive so it all falls on mum - and there are three biological kids of his own in that house, including two with additional needs. Women at toddler group and at my voluntary organisation whose partners have never looked after their kids solo and don’t know how.

These women are all bright and capable, many holding down stressful jobs or even being the main breadwinner on top of all the domestic chores. It’s quite mind boggling.

The common thread is that all these men who seem useless seem to spend an inordinate amount of time gaming.

@ThejoyofNC dude, you've just told a public forum you married an actual adult who is incapable of basic domestic tasks.

Luckily, I didn't say that. Try reading my responses again. You are fixated on the porn issue, which is indeed a massive problem. But I said

No, men can easily learn domestic chores, they just don't fancy it. Women have always worked for pay, often shitty pay so if their husbands spent all the family money whoring or on drugs or drink etc they could feed their kids, so it has nothing at all to do with a change in roles.

The bottom line is the internet. It's fucked up generations of men. Men were always much more violent and unpredictable than women...

There's a ton of information out there about how bad the internet is for kids, teenagers, adults, how horribly bad what passes for porn nowadays is. The world, from porn to entertainment is far different, and far worse, especially in the last ten to fftteen years.

Men, as a sex, are dangerous, lazy and selfish and women, as a sex, keep trying to make progress and keep being beaten and raped and tortured back into the cages men make for us.

At no point ever have I said it is an acceptable excuse, simply the reality. And I said the internet, not just porn.

You're not responding to anything I said, but to a discussion you have imagined, so no point in continuing.

He wouldn't have the quality of life he does now. The fact you see a man who provides for his family as useless is completely bizzare to me.

Being able to feed yourself and keep your living environment clean is a basic skill I expect every adult to master - regardless of their job.

You could ask why women keep on having children to different men, where children don't know who Dad is . 🤔

Both men and women have a part in this.

That's not the thread though. Maybe start a thread if you're interested in that subject.

DS is at university living in halls and says the girls are the most messy and never clean the communal spaces.

I’m pretty sure everyone in history didn’t think it’s genetic given how recent mankind’s understanding of genetics is!

But in terms of gendered roles, yes, traditionally women have been expected to be homemakers and I agree with PP that females are biologically motivated to invest time and effort in offspring while men males are more motivated to seek status and ‘win’ females. You see it in nature all of the time (but not all, since males of some species play a far more active role in child rearing etc).

Humans are massively sophisticated and resourceful and I’m certain that both men and women can successfully turn their hands to whatever they like, it’s mainly about motivation as well as learning what they can get away with.

I hate housework but will do it to create a safe and nurturing home for my family; I’m particularly good at it when we have people coming over since that also affects my social reputation.

DH will do all housework etc if I have other things on and he doesn’t, and vice versa. He is far more efficient than I am but I have a better eye for detail, when I get around to it. Neither of us is better than the other in all ways.

But - we have the bad habit of making few demands on our kids, who are pretty slovenly in their rooms and need constant reminding to tidy up after themselves. It’s usually easier to do it ourselves and we’ve been doing this without a second thought.

This thread has made me realise I need to rechannel my energy into getting them to do it themselves instead of DH and me doing it, so we don’t produce these lazy males (or females!) that are the topic of this thread. Wish me luck! :-)

edited for typos

Well if ds in uni says it, it must be true.

Well as true as what any poster on here says I guess.

It's all related though. Kids need a good role model where possible from mum and dad. If they don't grow up with a male role model, how will they learn many skills to fit in to the real world to be a domestic god and not be completely useless?

No need for starting a new thread. My points are very relevant to the OP.

My DH was raised in a truly misogynistic household (FIL constantly saying things like “That’s women’s work”, and MIL asking publicly why I didn’t iron DH’s shirts (despite me owning my own house which DH moved into as he was still living at home & me working full time). So much work has to be done to counteract these archaic views.

I’ve had to work so hard with DH to get to a point where he pulls his weight and he often apologises for how shit he’s been. I just kept repeating “I do not have a manual or any qualifications that make me more capable of doing X, Y or Z”.

As a society, we have a long way to go.