To leave him after 10 years of this

[ChouChou2024]

We met in our mid-twenties, and now we’re in our mid-thirties. After 10 years together, there’s still no commitment. Every time I’ve brought up marriage, he’s moved the goalposts, making promises but never following through. We don’t own a house together, but we do live together.

The last few times we discussed this, I ended up in tears. I feel so worthless knowing that after all this time, he still doesn’t want to commit to me. We don’t have children, and he says he’s not ready for them yet.

I’ve had enough, but every time I try to leave, he talks me into staying. He promises to buy me a ring “soon” and tells me how great we are together. To make things more frustrating, we’ve both achieved the careers we wanted and are financially comfortable. In theory, we could save for a wedding within a year, but instead, he spends his money on hobbies and has no savings.

I know I’m wasting my best years on someone who doesn’t truly want to commit, but I’m scared of breaking up because there are so many good moments, too. Am I being unreasonable to leave for good?

Leave now. No further discussion with your partner.

Time to go. And don’t let a ring be enough to make you stay either, because it’s easy to drag an engagement out for another ten years.

Don’t waste anymore of your life on this man. Time to find a grown up to build a life with.

You need to leave and find someone else.

Live birth rate from egg freezing is very low.

Leave.

There'll be good times to be had as a single person, and good times to be had with your next partner. He isn't the only supplier of good times. In another 10 years you'll find it harder to leave and there'll have been more good times with him that would could have been invested with someone who DOES want a future with you.

instead, he spends his money on hobbies and has no savings
This alone would be enough for me to walk.

Leave. He knows how much this mean to you and he doesn't care. He literally doesn't care if you end up not having children because he's so selfish he wants you but isn't willing to give you what you want and isn't willing to let you go so you can have the future you want.

Leave and move on.

Same. Does not sound like a responsible man to build a future with.

I'm not sure that anyone can say anything to help you tbh, as you said in your post you know that he's stringing you along and your wasting the best years of your life on him. You know what's going on, you know what you should do, the only question is are you going to waste more time on him or are you going to move on? I would also go against the grain and say that this isn't entirely his fault. Yes he is not committing to you, but you have/had agency in this. You chose to stay. If you continue to stay, knowing these are just empty promises, you will only have yourself to blame.

You know you need to leave. You are not valued and your future plans don't align. If it is too much to do in one go, say you need space to think about your future and say you will move out for a while. Use the time to decide what you really want. Give yourself space to think away from him.

Don't bother freezing your eggs. It's pointless. The live birth rate from this is vanishingly small. Frozen embryos fare better but you need a man who wants babies/ sperms donor for that.

Leave him. In TEN years, if he doesn't think you are marriage and mother material, that will NEVER change. And him marrying you because you will leave- who wants to be married for that reason. You deserve much better. Agree with pp who said that he will marry and have a child very soon after you.
Think about it op, in 10 years you have built a life, grew together, became a part of each others families, went through ups and downs and he still can't see you as marriage worthy- dump him.

Hello. This sounds really frustrating and I do think you should leave. There are a number of possibilities but they all point to leaving. He’s not ready for commitment but after 10 years, how much longer does he need? He’s just putting things off, you leaving might prompt him into action when he sees what he is losing. Or, and I hate to say it, it might be he just doesn’t want to marry you. I think you should have a frank conversation and set it all out for him. If it’s something like not liking the idea of a big wedding or being the centre of attention, those kind of things can be resolved. But if it’s any of the things I’ve mentioned above, the only option is to leave. Or I guess you make peace with the fact marriage isn’t on the cards, and don’t let it get to you but from what you’ve said so far, I think that’d be very hard. Best wishes.

You have already given him too much of your precious time.

As has been said, if he was going to commit he would have by now. Hugs though it's horrible, i would leave and not waste anymore time on him.

He’s told her he doesn’t want kids. He’s made it pretty clear he isn’t ready for commitment after 10 years. He’s sweet talker her into staying, but everything else is pretty clear he’s not in it for the long haul. At some point responsibility has to be shared as to why it’s not where she wants it to be.

I think I'd be asking yourself, if you're in the same position in 10 years, would you be happy? If the answer is no, then you need to leave

Oh op, it's a tale as old as time. I've seen it often. A colleague was with his partner for 13 years. He refused to marry her or have kids. He kept putting it off. When she was mid 40's they broke up and within MONTHS he had got another colleague pregnant.

'If they wanted to, they would'

I'm so sorry.

OP, my cousin was with a guy like this…except it was nearly 20 years. He dumped her, and within a year married a woman much younger than he was. Three kids followed. My cousin is now nearly 60, never married, never had kids, and she is working night and day to keep herself afloat. she doesn’t have anyone to help her (except me, and I live a continent away, so can only do so much). Don’t let this be you.

Ridiculous thing to say. I know plenty of babies who've been born to women who met their fathers in their mid 30s

💐 please don't feel worthless. Make 2025 the year you move on and find someone worth your time x

You should have left a long time ago but you let him talk you round each time because you wanted to believe him. He’s full of shit. Get rid.

Please OP do not waste the rest of your precious fertile years on this man who has been stringing you along for years and will not give you what you want!

Go no contact so he cannot string you along some more!

He already knows you will just keep tolerating whatever he dishes out, so you have no bargaining power.

Don't discuss it, just get yourself sorted out and leave while he is out at work. Leave him a note.

You'll be wondering why you put up with him for so long in another year. And I would kill to be 34 again, you can have a whole different and wonderful life if you leave right now.

Leave him and go and find yourself and then someone who wands to give you those things! ❤️ you deserve more x