Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

[Bridget05]

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

I was the same, @Livelovebehappy - when mine were toddlers, they were chatty, but wouldn't behave like that in a cafe. As others have said, it's not the park or a toddler group.

Yes, she was blaming the parents for incouraging the child to scream/shriek. That not what you do in a cafe.

I agree with @Livelovebehappy.

Screaming children are never ok. If your kids can't keep it down to a reasonable level, then don't take them to busy cafes! No-one expects silence, but screaming at the top of their voices is unacceptable.

Yep, agreed.

Absolute lies that you’ve had a 12-24 month old who never shrieked or made any loud noises in public spaces.

The OP should have stayed home with her friend, problem solved. A busy cafe at Christmas was a silly decision.

If you are too precious to cope with sounds from a toddler then a busy cafe at Christmas is logically not the place for you

This!

@katepilar I can't tell whether you agree with me or not. But I was simply suggesting there was a more polite way to get people to be quiet.
I also stated that in her position I would've hosted the friend in my house. Just asked the man to turn the TV down.

The sheer siren shrillness of modern toddlers is really off the scale

It is like a steam whistle.

Allowing kids to screech is much more frequent.

NO one wants to hear your kids screech.

{Any more than they want ti hear a dog yapping at a café.

Me neither

Perhaps. Personally I delight in seeing adults interacting joyously with kids. Heavens knows I see enough of the opposite. I'd rather sit next to a family like this than one where the kids are plugged into screens or otherwise ignored

That is an unnecessary comment

@thegrumpusch
I completely agree. Once in a cafe a toddler strapped in a buggy was desperately trying to get his father's attention who was scrolling seemingly unaware through his phone. In the end my own toddler DD and I began interacting with him, playing peekaboo while he giggled back at us. It made me feel so sad for him. I'd much rather have seen the father interacting in some way, even if it was noisy!

Winding a kid up to make it squeal isn't "interacting joyously" and it's terribly bad manners in a restaurant. Do that at home.

In a restaurant, pub or cafe, not making a nuisance of oneself is Job One. You can point out "see the pretty baubles" or "doesn't that cinammon bun smell good," quietly to "interact joyously" without ruining the moment for everyone around you. Boisterious conduct should take place outdoors, in designated play areas, or at home.

No lies. I didn't take them to cafes/restaurants so shrieking and screaming wasn't an issue until I could communicate to them, so they understood, that I would not allow them to scream in a restaurant. Can't think that it's a relaxing time for the family either having to try to control toddlers in this kind of environment. So misery all round for everyone.

For everyone saying they should have gone to OP's home, maybe the friend wanted to be out and and about. It sounds like she spent a dismal Christmas in her own home; sitting in someone else's lounge isn't very different.

Just because they wanted to have a comforting chat doesn't mean it was going to be deep psycho-analysis or problem-solving; probably the friend wanted to vent a bit and get some respite in different surroundings, or experience being out in a cafe Christmas week. She has a difficult caring role and shouldn't be banished.

I don't care if they were talking about the disabled son, winning the sweepstakes or kidnapping George Clooney to be their gigolo; the other family making so much noise that people at nearby tables can't hear one another is rude, obnoxious, self-absorbed and typical of shitty parenting.

Well the family in question had a marvellous time by the sounds of it!

Hopefully the next time the OP wants a ‘comfort chat’ with her friend she will realise it’s a lot easier to reason with a grown man (her DH) than a toddler, and have the friend over instead.

Thank you for being a considerate parent and for a sensible comment.

The OP wasn't the one causing the disturbance. The family with toddler(s) was.

The default in any restaurant is decent decorum. Anyone who cannot control themselves to a level that doesn't interfere with others' conversation shouldn't be there. Take them to softplay.

If you knew the coffee shop would be heaving I would've suggested a take away coffee and walk instead

There's noise and noise, isn't there?
Toddler giggling and chatting, 100% fine.
Toddler over-excited high-pitched screeching, really NOT fine in a confined space.

It's interesting that some people on this thread find the Gif 'triggering' but have zero sympathy for OP's friend.

It wasn't a restaurant. It was a village cafe.

Agreed, @BettyBardMacDonald - I think it's reasonable to expect to go to a cafe with the expectation of having a chat with your friend.

It’s hilarious how some posters are managing to create an entirely different scenario than the one described in the OP, full of unsubstantiated hyperbole. The toddler in question was playing games with family e.g peekaboo - there was no mention of the child having a full scale screaming melt down that meant no one in the establishment could hear themselves think!

You simply cannot control the behaviour of others and it is poor planning and poor logic to expect a busy cafe full of walkers, at Christmas time, to be a quiet place for a sensitive chat with someone on the verge of tears. In that scenario it is much easier to control the variables by staying home for your friends comfort and privacy. Goodness knows why the OP’s husband couldn’t have simply been asked to turn the TV down to facilitate the friends visit. The whole situation is utterly ridiculous, particularly those posters who don’t think children should be allowed in public places unless muzzled by the sounds of it.

Why is it ok to ask a family in a cafe to be quiet but not ok to ask old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume??