AIBU to think 41 is too old to have a baby.

[Newtothisplace]

Hi MN, I’m 41. I have 24 YO DD. I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. When we got together I was quite clear very early on I I didn’t want any more children, ( I nearly died last time and would not put myself through that again) which he was fine with. Subject has never come up again until now. Quite a lot of our friends have been having kids at 38-42 ish so our group have been asking when we will. So he’s now asking if we should. My stance remains unchanged. I like my life as it is. Those of our friends who have had kids at this age are knackered and seem to have aged 10 years over night. For me the thought of doing that now is nuts.

Too old for you as you don’t want another child, not too old for others who do.

41 is not too old. But for you, at 41, having described your life, I can see why you'd say it's too old for you. Having another child just doesn't fit. And that's ok.

He thinks you should have a baby because all your friends are?

I had my third child at age 42. He is a happy healthy 17 year old today. I would have had another baby if I could. I'm

I'd trust your gut here. I'm an older mother and it's brutal! And also it can be a planting a bomb in your relationship. I don't have older kids and I wasn't in any kind of ready way when I was younger but I make sure to take the wool from people my ages eyes when they get all gooey.

I had a baby at 41. Wanted and planned. My choice.

If you want a baby and he does have one, if you don’t - don’t. I say have one, but try to have one. Nature might allow it or not.

Women have always had babies in their early 40s. It’s too old for you though and that’s okay too, but you need to talk it through with DH and communicate that.

Well, it's not too old if you are physically capable but you just don't want one. That is reason sufficient.

On the other hand, if he's now becoming seriously broody, the marriage may not survive. This does not, of course, mean that you should have a baby just to appease him.

Some would say you having a child at 17 was unreasonable!!!

Write out a list of pros/cons for yourself and your DH. If you don't want another, no on is forcing you to. Just because you don't feel it right for you, doesn't mean its not right for others.

What?

That's what I thought, too, how juvenile.

I have seen other women post on here that they want more kids because they've been around others with young babies but their husbands don't want more. So it's not that surprising I think.

Don't be forced into having a baby if you don't want one for any reason at all. That is true at any age.

Why are you making this about age? You don't want a baby. That's reason enough not to have one.

You are clear about what you want and that’s a very good thing. It must be annoying that your DH is bringing this all up now. But I would just hold his hand through this wobble as patiently as you can.

It was and I wouldn’t recommend it. It was tough. Yet I still managed to get 5 A’s at A level, graduate Uni with an MA and make it onto the board of a large corporate and put my daughter through med school. I’m not sure I’d have been as successful career wise, so have no regrets. But would most likely regret doing it at this age.

If you don't want a child then you don't want a child - you don't have to justify it!

My mum had me at 41 and my brother at 44. So I’ve seen the other side as well as a child of an older parent. I had a good childhood and wanted for nothing.

'He thinks you should have a baby because all your friends are?'

I think quite a few people have kids for this very reason! It's a bloody terrible idea of course

OP, you don't want another baby. That's all that matters. Your DP is having a wobble - that's ok, I've been there myself. As another poster said, hold his hand as patiently as you can and you will get through it

I hear you op. Although for me it the stage of my life rather than my age - but it just feels more like I'm too old because I've already been there done that and want to move on now.
I'm 44 and wouldn't entertain another now.
I don't think I'd even date a person who had young children tbh.
Like I said though, it's my stage of life that's just linked to my age.
Definitely don't do anything you don't want to.