AIBU to leave a man because of financial reasons

[Whatwouldyoudo26]

(Apologies with how long this is, trying to sum it all up)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

He's funny, affectionate, social, good communication etc. I'm just struggling with the financial situation that is making me want to break it off.

So I'm 26 and he's 40. He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

He promised to pay towards rent, only did for less than 2 months. He was then asked to leave because he kept promising payment that never came.

Fast forward and we're still seeing each other, only it's nice to have my home back.

He then took my car over a toll bridge and didn't even have the £2.60 to come back over it again - I then got lumbard with the £60 fine. I kept asking for him to pay, he never did.

We went for a meal with his friends that he said he was paying for. I ended up having to foot the bill with him saying he'll pay me the next day as the money hasn't gone in his account or something, he never did.

He then promised he will pay for a set of nails in return for a big favour I did for him and nothing despite having asked since. This might sound trivial but it's the whole saying things and never going through with any of it.

He showed me where we were going to go on a family holiday (I have one child, he has two) - in the end his children's mum took them instead because she probably knows what he's like!!

He showed my parents this beautiful hotel he said he was going to take me to as my birthday treat back in July. Still waiting. Although before this he got me excited showing me a different trip up country and enjoyed telling everyone about it without delivering on it.
Heck, there's even a restaurant he said he will take me to for our first date.. still waiting.

I do feel he's got good intentions but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with a carrot dangling. He hasn't written any of these things off, it's still in the pipeline because they cost money. Fair enough I thought as I like him for him (clearly not his wallet!) but it doesn't stop me feeling let down and disheartened by it all.

I feel like I've spent the year of our relationship just waiting for things to happen. Coming to me excited about things and holidays only for nothing to ever materialise - I'd rather him just not mention it at all than get my hopes up.

Now he wants to book for us to go to a hotel for New Year's Eve. Of course I would love this but with him owing me money (and other people money), I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue.

Do I just end things here? I have quite a list accumulating and I keep holding on for the best but not sure how much longer I can carry on.

YABU - you like him as a person and I should be more understanding over the current financial situation.

YANBU - it's not fair to feel consistently let down through empty promises.

It sounds like he’s stringing you along. Don’t fall for the Sunk Cost Fallacy that you’ve put £x money in so can’t leave until you get it. It’s gone. He has no and never had intention of paying you back.
At this point, you don’t owe him anything. A quick text saying ‘This relationship isnt working. Wish you the best’ followed by blocking him everywhere is all you should need to do. Start the New Year fresh.

DIIIIIIIIIIITCH HIM!!!

But why weren't you talking about this specific man on a thread about this specific man? How does your random comment help the op?

Yuck!
Like others have said, you know the answer to your own question.
He's taking advantage, he's a liar and he really really shouldn't be able to get away with another day of his no-goodness.
Please end it and walk away.

As you must now have realised, it's not just "financial reasons" is it - he's a lying, cheating no-hoper.
Get rid, as so many people have said.

Run, run and keep running away from this free loader.

He's found his sugar mumma... what you going to do about it ?
Ditch and don't look back. What a waste of space freeloader....

I was with a man like this…. Turned out that he had a massive gambling addiction

As a man I find this embarrassing, I do think women should pay for things also none of this nonsense that the man pays for everything but he should not be saying things that he can't afford, if he can't afford it just say or don't even suggest things to do.

I was with my ex for 7 years and we did cheap things together like going to meals which were bogof or cheaper at certain times of the day as we both had children from other relationships and usually I'd pay for one she'd pay for the next and if we couldn't afford something we would just stay in until we could but we both knew we're we stood and I certainly wouldn't lie to her, I told her my plan from day one and I stuck to it, as did she.

@Iceboy80, I am afraid you have not read the OP or the thread.

This is classic. Emotional manipulations for financial gain. These guys are professionals. It starts small but will end up costing you not only ££££, but your mental health.

Don't explain too much. Sound vague and keep calm but cold and remote. You can always say something like 'it's not you it's me' or similar excuse to signal you just gone off this relationship entirely. Cut off communication after the conversation to stand firm and close the door for any further manipulation. Expect them to follow for a period but just block him off.

Well done for having the instincts to see that this situation is wrong! Now run.

I hope you’ve ditched him now. No point giving a massive explanation. That’s just an invitation for him to get his hooks back into you. Actually any explanation is.

Tell him to jog on he doesn't be care wants you too pay for anything

I agree with @HPandthelastwish
He is " ...stealing money from your child. Anything he takes and doesn't pay back is money that should (or could - my addition ) have been spent on your child."

He's a freeloader.
Dump him asap.
And tell him why.

Set your bar higher the next time.

If your best friend was to tell you what you've told us.. what would your advice be? He's a soft cell liar. No hard damage is done but you are allowing him to lie because you've done nothing to stop him! Now stop him he will never change it's a condition he has called freeloading! He's 40 years old with nothing to show for his lifestyle! Leave him! you'll end up with nothing because you'll be forever paying for him, at your age you should be saving for a newer car, a holiday, new outfits whatever ... you can't with paying for him!!! Get rid of him!

Agree take his stuff to his mums. Change the locks. Block him.
”its not me, its you”

Start the new year fresh, @Whatwouldyoudo26 - have you bagged up his stuff and taken it over to his mother's yet? I think changing the locks would be good too - call a locksmith today as it's standard working hours and you won't have to pay extra.

Good luck - have fun living your new life, meeting people you own age who won't sponge off you.

You are basically financing a man in his 40s. Why? Even if he finally came good on his promises, there are too many broken promises in the relationship for me.

The thing is he's going to be social and sweet and all that because he needs those skills to sponge. Once you've given up he will go onto the next mug.

I don't buy the toll road story either. Once when my card didn't work I was allowed to leave details and then pay as soon as I got home. So he just didn't pay it at the toll or after because he knew you would

Every penny you spend that he doesn't pay you back is taking it directly from your child.

Having been in a similar situation in a relationship quite a few years ago,I would absolutely advise you to dump him. He won't get any better. If he's so incompetent with money he can't even budget £2.60 for a toll bridge,there's not much hope is there? I spent 4.5 years with a similar loser and deeply regret now that I didn't see sense much sooner. Please don't make the same mistake as me!

Fuck that. You're young.

He's just making false promises that he KNOWS he can't fulfill to keep you there.

'Sounds' like it's good intentions, but really he just uses you for his own convenience and will tell you what you want to hear to be kept as his little fallback.

Move on girl!

I agree. Why should you have to sugar-coat it, or tell him in person?

Good point!

He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

It sounds very much planned from his side. He was waiting for someone like you.

Pack his bags for him and say, sorry you can't contribute so you're moving out.

Think of it as not planned but happening.

You need to let him go ... broken promises from the beginning .
Don't let this go any further you will forever feel let down empty words and promises is all this will ever be.
Been there let him go xx