AIBU to leave a man because of financial reasons

[Whatwouldyoudo26]

(Apologies with how long this is, trying to sum it all up)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

He's funny, affectionate, social, good communication etc. I'm just struggling with the financial situation that is making me want to break it off.

So I'm 26 and he's 40. He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

He promised to pay towards rent, only did for less than 2 months. He was then asked to leave because he kept promising payment that never came.

Fast forward and we're still seeing each other, only it's nice to have my home back.

He then took my car over a toll bridge and didn't even have the £2.60 to come back over it again - I then got lumbard with the £60 fine. I kept asking for him to pay, he never did.

We went for a meal with his friends that he said he was paying for. I ended up having to foot the bill with him saying he'll pay me the next day as the money hasn't gone in his account or something, he never did.

He then promised he will pay for a set of nails in return for a big favour I did for him and nothing despite having asked since. This might sound trivial but it's the whole saying things and never going through with any of it.

He showed me where we were going to go on a family holiday (I have one child, he has two) - in the end his children's mum took them instead because she probably knows what he's like!!

He showed my parents this beautiful hotel he said he was going to take me to as my birthday treat back in July. Still waiting. Although before this he got me excited showing me a different trip up country and enjoyed telling everyone about it without delivering on it.
Heck, there's even a restaurant he said he will take me to for our first date.. still waiting.

I do feel he's got good intentions but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with a carrot dangling. He hasn't written any of these things off, it's still in the pipeline because they cost money. Fair enough I thought as I like him for him (clearly not his wallet!) but it doesn't stop me feeling let down and disheartened by it all.

I feel like I've spent the year of our relationship just waiting for things to happen. Coming to me excited about things and holidays only for nothing to ever materialise - I'd rather him just not mention it at all than get my hopes up.

Now he wants to book for us to go to a hotel for New Year's Eve. Of course I would love this but with him owing me money (and other people money), I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue.

Do I just end things here? I have quite a list accumulating and I keep holding on for the best but not sure how much longer I can carry on.

YABU - you like him as a person and I should be more understanding over the current financial situation.

YANBU - it's not fair to feel consistently let down through empty promises.

He will try and guilt you , make out you are shallow and materialistic, ignore that.

Totally not unreasonable. He’s a cocklodger.

I wouldn’t go into details with him though. That just opens the door for excuses and promises to change. Much easier to go with “This isn’t working for me any longer, you need to leave this afternoon”.

You should have dumped him by the second incident. Absolutely do not get stuck with this freeloader.

You deserve much better, please don’t waste your life with him.

40 and still not has life together I would dump him .

Leave him. I wouldn't date someone in their 40s who made empty promises and couldn't get their shit together, especially when it comes to finances. It won't get better.

Get out now! He’s a free loading future faker. How does a man in his 40s have no money? He’s a user. Please leave him - you can do better, including by being alone.

I think you're giving him too much credit. He's getting a free ride on false promises and showmanship.

You know what's attractive - accountability. He has none and you're not holding him to basic standards.

You don't need to buy a BF, move on

Nailed it.

Wise, wise advice.

He is a majorly freeloader, get rid. All empty promises and zero substance. Always remember what I was taught as a child, a man who is mean with his money will be mean with everything else such as his love and attention. Not worth wasting time on. He has zero self respect, who takes and doesn’t repay…..disgusting.

@Whatwouldyoudo26 exactly what @babyproblems said - who takes someone’s car then leaves them with the car wrong side of bridge and a bloody fine? It’s crazy and disrespectful and just leaves you with heaps of crap to sort out. Wouldn’t be surprised if this didn’t contribute to the end of his first marriage! Completely not
in the real world.

Everyone that is saying he’s being unreasonable: my DP and I were constantly broke at this age. We would try to budget etc etc but there was just never enough money coming in - and we were quite responsible, and life was cheaper. I don’t have a problem with your age gap, but just remind you that you can’t expect people of his age to have it all together financially.

Lol, wrong way round! Stay friends if you like, but I wouldn’t be more than casual.

Ditch him. He's a narcissistic leech. A so-called friend did this to me regarding building works he was going to do. Big plans for the house, grand (verbal) gestures which made him look amazing - and then he fucked off with £50,000 of my money (which is pretty much all of it), after barely building anything. I say 'building' - everything he touched has had to have remedial work done to make it safe and comply with building control. It started so well, and turned into 5 years of hell. There was no relationship between us other than friends. I still can't get my money back. Please resist telling me I shouldn't have handed it over; we know how Mumsnetters like to judge out loud, but we're here to warn the OP off a similar leeching twat.

I would imagine that his ex gf/ wife could have written exactly what you have. Word for word. He's 40 with 2 children , not a foolish young man.It clearly doesnt bother him to sponge off you repeatedly. That is a very unattractive quality.

This isn't about finances. This is about broken promises and being unreliable. Get rid of him.

You were constantly broke at 40. Wow

You cannot expect a man in his 40‘s with two children to be able to house himself and his children? How low is your bar?

Some people are constantly broke all their lives through no fault of their own.

Wow. Extremely low bad then. You read all his fake promises and lies and thought poor guy this is through no fault of his own?

Wtf move into spare bedroom and charge him for board and lodging at hotel rate. Stop being a doormat

I wasn’t talking specifically about this particular man but generally in response to the pretended horror at someone being constantly broke at 40. Lots of people are at every age you can name.

This isn't about money. This is about him making promises he knows he can't keep. It's about him not showing you the respect to be honest with you.

If it was just about money he would be finding ways to spend time with you, and treat you, that didn't cost anything - like going for walks, or cooking meals for you. But this is about someone who cannot be relied upon to keep their word.

You are worth more than that, even if your next boyfriend is even more skint, if they keep their word they're worth so much more.

I haven't looked at the replies and I didn't even get to the end of your post. Dump him now, I know everyone else will agree. There are more men out there, many financially stable men who won't sponge. He's using you. You deserve better.