AIBU to leave a man because of financial reasons

[Whatwouldyoudo26]

(Apologies with how long this is, trying to sum it all up)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

He's funny, affectionate, social, good communication etc. I'm just struggling with the financial situation that is making me want to break it off.

So I'm 26 and he's 40. He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

He promised to pay towards rent, only did for less than 2 months. He was then asked to leave because he kept promising payment that never came.

Fast forward and we're still seeing each other, only it's nice to have my home back.

He then took my car over a toll bridge and didn't even have the £2.60 to come back over it again - I then got lumbard with the £60 fine. I kept asking for him to pay, he never did.

We went for a meal with his friends that he said he was paying for. I ended up having to foot the bill with him saying he'll pay me the next day as the money hasn't gone in his account or something, he never did.

He then promised he will pay for a set of nails in return for a big favour I did for him and nothing despite having asked since. This might sound trivial but it's the whole saying things and never going through with any of it.

He showed me where we were going to go on a family holiday (I have one child, he has two) - in the end his children's mum took them instead because she probably knows what he's like!!

He showed my parents this beautiful hotel he said he was going to take me to as my birthday treat back in July. Still waiting. Although before this he got me excited showing me a different trip up country and enjoyed telling everyone about it without delivering on it.
Heck, there's even a restaurant he said he will take me to for our first date.. still waiting.

I do feel he's got good intentions but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with a carrot dangling. He hasn't written any of these things off, it's still in the pipeline because they cost money. Fair enough I thought as I like him for him (clearly not his wallet!) but it doesn't stop me feeling let down and disheartened by it all.

I feel like I've spent the year of our relationship just waiting for things to happen. Coming to me excited about things and holidays only for nothing to ever materialise - I'd rather him just not mention it at all than get my hopes up.

Now he wants to book for us to go to a hotel for New Year's Eve. Of course I would love this but with him owing me money (and other people money), I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue.

Do I just end things here? I have quite a list accumulating and I keep holding on for the best but not sure how much longer I can carry on.

YABU - you like him as a person and I should be more understanding over the current financial situation.

YANBU - it's not fair to feel consistently let down through empty promises.

He’s clearly taking advantage of you. Dump BY TEXT before the New Year.

What good intentions? The only thing he is good at is treating you with no respect or care and then stringing you along which you’re happy to do. You aren’t even getting crumbs OP. Treat yourself better than this and get rid. He isn’t going to change. He doesn’t love you enough to follow through with anything. I don’t see how there is any sort of future there. The amount of lies he even included your family in- he’s making you look stupid in front of them

It comes down to trust.

You can't trust him because he's let you down so many times. He's not reliable. Whether it was money or false promises doesn't really matter.

Trust is essential to a relationship.

A 40 year old man didnt have £2.60 really? What an utter loser! Ditch this freeloader asap!

@SaulHudsonDavidJones I have just had to google ‘bludger’ as had never heard of it. An Australian term for scrounger, is that right? Whatever, it’s a brilliant word that sums the OP’s issue very well. I will remember this word, and use it again.

Definitely end it before the new year. Uou are a cashcownfor him. He hasnt got good intentions, he has no intention of paying for things himself. Be is homeless and cannot pay his own way. What you need to do is look hard at why you thought a homeless father of two who isnt financially able to support or house himself or his children was a good option for a partner and someone to introduce to your child.

His behaviour is financial abuse don't put up with it Dump his freeloading ass

YABU to have stuck with this waste of space for so long. Dump him and start the new year afresh.

"I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue."

Dont worry yourself here.

He is not going to splash any cash.

Because he never has in the past.

This wont happen (funnily enough it will have just been booked out - damn) and if it does somewhow you will pay for it (lost card, forgot wallet, waiting on a payment .... yawwwwnnnnn).

He's just throwing your a bone to keep you distracted and hopeful.

He's a cocklodging c**t.

Tot up his financial and emotional bill. Present it and get rid.

Decide what you have learned from this encounter.

"I do feel he's got good intentions"

He really doesn't.

Wake up.

'He's got qualities that I enjoy being around which is why I have been finding it hard to leave,'

Those 'qualities' are fake - future faking, disingenuous and deceptive - he is distracting your with his 'charm' whilst he steals from you and exploits you. He knows what hes doing - he is more or less a pick-pocket.

Dump him. I wrote off £250 that was owed to me by a similarly useless man, although I didn't let it get anywhere near a year

I would never go after a man just for his money but I do expect a man in his 40s to be solvent and financially savvy, so unattractive otherwise

Considering how young you are, you shouldn't need us to tell you to move on.

He’s a lying, manipulative blowhard.

Yep. The end.

He targeted you.

Men like him scan to groom vulnerable young women who they believe are desperate to have their cheeky chappie character around in return for a free roof over their head and all the trimmings.

This isn’t about him having any money or not, it’s about lies, false promises and generally taking you for granted. Walk away op. Walk away.

He's 14 years older than you and still hasn't got his life sorted out. Dump him, the cocklodging freeloader. What a twat.

This isn't "for financial reasons." I was expecting your question to be along the lines of "my partner doesn't earn enough to fund the lifestyle I want." This situation is about freeloading and the lack of love and respect that intrinsically comes with that. Ditch this loser.

Urgent message:
Ditch him!
Doesn't matter what angle you take, say goodbye!

Please don't ever let any man, let alone this CF hobosexual, move into your home so quickly when you have a young child.

Do not stay with this man you deserve much better.

My DP is a similar age. I’m older so we have an opposite age gap than you two, and I would never ever tolerate this. Neither would anyone else my age as we’ve probably all dated someone like it once.

🚩x 1000. For goodness sake dump this waste of space. Your bar is so low it's on the ground.

You haven’t been together too long and arnt tied with children etc make a run for it now.

you deserve better.

I don’t think it is the financial side of things I think it’s lies and being mislead.

I also find it really unattractive for someone whose so willing to sponge of others.

If you give him an explanation, you might find he tries to talk you down, or that he twists things to make it sound like you only care about money. It might be better to just say it doesn't feel right to you anymore and you want to be single for a while.