To think you get your 'spark' back post menopause?

[SlB09]

I'm stuck. Stuck in the perimenopausal everything feels flat, my body and mind are following their own tune right now, UTTER RAGE and generally a horrible person esp to my husband which I feel terrible for.

Do you get 'you' back once all this settles down?!

the loss of oestrogen means that generally you give a lot less fucks about keeping everyone happy

I take HRT and I’m a lot better on it than off it but the old me isn’t going to come back. Sometimes I miss her & sometimes I think thank fuck for that because I rather like the new me

Yes profound lack of oestrogen and a profound interest in doing stuff for me, like travel, hobbies etc.
I think that's natural.

I am loving being out the other side at 54! I feel brilliant after 35 years of hormonal migraines, skin issues and horrendous PMT. I had a baby at 45 and went straight into peri-m afterwards. It was a "fun" few years... HRT didn't agree with me but I now have vaginal oestrogen which has made me so much more comfortable.
I thought I'd never get my mojo back, but I've lost weight, my hair and skin are their best ever, I've retrained and got a new job that I love, swapped anxiety for confidence, and I honestly feel reborn.
Obviously there are things that aren't so good - achy joints and poor sleep spring to mind, but I'd choose them over menstruating every time.

Some, like me, are not allowed HRT and have to ride the absent hormones wave out to be able to get back on the other side, unfortunately.

OP - It’s a task and a half to stay yourself and not turn into a raging lunatic, especially when it comes to your significant other. But it’s possible.

Good to know.

I can relate to this. My mum became a miserable harridan post-menopause and she never reverted. We were always on eggshells around her.

HRT was not routinely prescribed then.

Thanks @JPMJuliz

Not able to take hrt. Interested to know whether everything does settle down into some sort of normalcy and that you do have moments of happiness again.

I've never had HRT (apart from vagifem), seem ok (I'm 63 now so well past menopause!)

Was more pissed off about having to stop HRT than I was getting cancer. Yes, seriously, for me, HRT helped me through a hideous and premature menopause. Am out the other side now and definitely got my spark back, but much of that was to do with having to deal with cancer and realising how lucky I am plus a v. low dose of prozac (for hot sweats and to level out my mood - HRT was great for the latter).

Even though you have had issues with migraines etc in the past, it does not necessarily mean HRT isn't right for you, it's about finding the right levels of HRT for you. It's a specialised art, something many GPs can't get right. Either way, the correct (for you) HRT will definitely put a spring back in your step.

Edited to add that I do still take vagifem. Miraculous stuff, and something they'll have to prise out of my cold dead hands.

I bloody hope so!

HRT was not good at all for me so I only took it for a year. My unpleasant symptoms have tailed off now I'm actually post menopause, but peri was awful.

I'll never be the younger Summer again, but I suppose I don't want to be, really.

There's only one answer I've found that gave me any peace HRT. The risk is teeny tiny, the study about breast cancer is misleading read up, but it's still a battle to get it. Look through the NHS website, print the symptoms list and tick off all your symptoms, show to your GP, hot flushes seem to trigger HRT. I ended up lying saying I had them because I was nearly 50 and had every symptom BUT HOT FLUSHES and I still being offered pain killers and anti depressants oh and mouth wash, yeah really helpful. Good luck it's a bloody awful journey. Make sure you eat lots of protein, exercise, including weight bearing and take a good multivitamin. There various supplements that are meant to help iron out your hormones, I've not tried them. Dr Mary Claire Haver on Instagram is very useful, I've just ordered her book The new menopause. And for bone health Dr Vonda Wright is excellent, she's been interviewed by Davina McCall

You’re very much welcome. I know what you’re going through. Feel free to ask me any questions/reach out by DM.

The best advise from me would be - doing weights at the gym (or join a gym to do weights) as that will help to increase bone density to fight osteoporosis (a really big problem later down the line) and also to control the temper and angry outbursts, also to let your mind wild for a bit; be gentle to yourself after the raging episodes when you see the red and every little thing is driving you insanely mad (having a loving/understanding OH and family helps immensely but not a given, of course, so talking them through the whole process helps them to be more compassionate) - I used to feel like the worst human being possible after my raging fits towards my OH; cold bedroom helps with night-sweats but sometimes you just have to ride them out; try not to give in to the sweet tooth cravings - your palate should go back to normal once you’re on the other side.

But first and foremost - be gentle to yourself, don’t fret about the small stuffs, and try and look into investing in some new and more nourishing skincare regimen as your skin will change quite a bit as the hormones dwindle.

All from my personal experience and I understand we’re all different, so the above doesn’t apply to all 💖

Same age. Same rage.

I hope I come out the other side a bit more like the old me. My GP refuses to give me HRT, saying I'm too young to be peri and insisting that my symptoms are all down to a gyn issue I have

I’m just turned 41 and started HRT a few months ago.
I had a lot of trepidation about it too as I never got on with hormonal contraception either, but the Gynae explained it’s not the same as it’s body identical, rather than chemical.
I went for it as I thought it was a worth a go and my symptoms were bad enough (loss of spark, me, night sweats, weight gain, ANXIETY vaginal issues etc).
2 months in and it’s going ok - and I can confirm it doesn’t feel the same as hormonal contraception.
Hope thats all helpful info.

I’m very glad to hear that.
HRT made me put on three dress sizes in weight, which was making me more depressed than the Moodswings.
I feel like a nasty old witch most of the time, so I am hoping I’m gonna come out the other side.

Unless your medical issue is related to endometriosis, I’d say keep on pushing to get HRT.
It’s not suitable for everyone but I know a lot of women who absolutely thriving on it.

I can relate, I’m 60 and angry I used to be so much fun. Menopause makes you mad about everything.

I've been peri since 40 and on HRT since then.
I also struggled with hormonal contraception but HRT changed my life. I was a rage filled, sleep deprived, sweaty and itchy mess prior to HRT.

Yes, at 60 I'm myself again. HRT has helped hugely.

I've felt like absolute crap since I had my last ever period.

Constant head pressure- not a headache, like someone is squeezing my head. Sometimes it makes me feel actually dizzy but most days I feel like I've just downed a glass of wine really quickly. All the time.

I'm tired, I've stopped running, work is a nightmare looking between two screens all day long. My tinnitus is horrendous and my ears feel really full. I have dry eyes and mouth.

I'm on HRT and have been since August. Upped the dose twice. No different.

I'm terrified I'm stuck like this forever.

How old are you? Over the age of 45 you’re entitled to try it if you have symptoms, regardless of what the GP says, and really they should let you try it anyway.
get a second opinion.

It's nice being stable

Lovely to hear some of your stories and how you've coped/managed/come out the other side. I wish they could give you a timeframe for the beginning middle and end so you could be prepared. Literally feels like puberty all over again just shrivelling up in certain areas instead of plumping out!