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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think my boyfriends best friend has been stalking me on a fake account

118 replies

BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:06

I female (25) have been with my boyfriend (25) for 6 years. His best friend (26) who he loves like a brother has been acting so strange towards me.

so for a little context over the years myself my boyfriend and his friend we have all gone out together on days out, drinking together and just over all had a good friendship & I am very very good friends as well with his ex girlfriend.

since his breakup with his girlfriend my boyfriends best friend has just been out drinking all day every day, getting him self into trouble with the police and hanging around with very bad people. My boyfriend out of his own choice has chosen to distance him self from his best friend as he does not want to see him ruin his life. My boyfriend loves him a lot and has tried to help him but there is only so much you can try to help someone if they don’t accept your help what else really can you do. He hasn’t exactly fell out with him but he’s just not seeing him every day like he used.

my boyfriend is absoutley terrible with phones, he must go through 10x phones a year I’m not even over exaggerating (he works in construction and is very very clumsy)

because of Christmas we have been a bit tight on money so he hasn’t actually yet managed to take his phone into repair. So for the time being he just uses my laptop if he needs to go on social media & family or his friends for example will ring my phone or message me if they need to get hold of him,

His best friend keeps ringing and messaging me to speak to my boyfriend, I told him he doesn’t have a phone & I’ll ask him to call him when he gets back from work. He then starts to spit his dummy out telling me to tell my boyfriend he’s sly and he owes him no loyalty now as he wouldn’t ignore his friends if they fell off and went onto the rails. Tried to explain to him it isn’t like that and maybe he should come round to try and speak to my boyfriend in person instead of over the phone.

I told him that my boyfriend would be back for 7 pm as he had gone to go and see his mums for a few hours as I was working ( I work from home ) Instead he decided to turn up to my house at 3 pm - he first asked if I could put his phone on charge for him whilst he took his dog for a walk, I ran to my back gate to grab his phone of him & to put it on charge. He then asked if he could use my toliet I told him yeah just run up. He kept trying to keep conversation going with me once he came back down saying he might just wait for my boyfriend to get home. I said to him I don’t really think that’s the best idea as he’s still going to be a good few hours.

( I was drinking wine whilst wrapping presents as this was on Christmas Eve, his friend had seen my wine and started asking me what I was up to I said I was just having a few wines and wrapping he then said to me so you not going to grab me one then, I felt a bit awkward at this point I was like yeeee erm you can have one of my boyfriends beers. Whilst his friend was here I was trying to get into contact with my boyfriend telling him that his friend was here, for him to hurry up - but I got no answer back. Eventually my boyfriend rang & his friend went out to speak to him - my boyfriend told him to go home & that he will go round to his friends house later on to go and see him. His friend told me about this and he started to slag my boyfriend of saying he doesn’t know why he’s being like that.

even after my boyfriend told him to leave he kept trying to make excuses to not leave I don’t even know how to explain it but I felt so so so awkward. He kept asking to go to the toliete he must of went to the toilet at least 4 times. He kept telling me he couldn’t wee & he didn’t want my boyfriend walking in thinking anything was happening and kept pointing to his pants. I had no idea what the hell he was going on about untill he said that he had a hard on & I have made him hard the whole time he was there. He then tried to kiss me which I swerved and at that point I told him it’s probably best that he leaves.

he now keeps messaging me telling me he wants to “fuck Me” & “destroy me” that he always has - he kept deleting message so I am completely ignoring what he is putting I am not even replying.

I feel so bad for my boyfriend and I don’t even know how to tell him about what has happened because I know that this will hurt him ALOT his friend ended up coming round the day after on Christmas Day to speak to my boyfriend within an hour my boyfriend told him to go. He keeps messaging me saying he’s coming round to see me but to see my boyfriend as well.

my boyfriend has a lot of love for him and what has happened is going to really really hurt him. He doesn’t really have many friends as it is - he’s told me plenty of times he would die for his friend. I do want to tell my boyfriend I just have absoutley no idea where the hell to start.

as for the stalking me on a fake profile - for nearly 3 years a fake account has been messaging me sexually harassing me - it saves my pictures and sends me then, tells me that I am making them throb and a lot of other things but reading what his friend has sent me the messages ( the way it’s worded and the things it has sent me, sound exactly like what his friend has been messaging me) - the fake account has already told me I know who they are but they can’t tell me who - when I block it a new one is made - the whole situation is also making me feel very very uncomfortable

OP posts:
FeistyFrankie · 28/12/2024 10:10

Change your settings to private and unfollow anyone you are not 100% certain you can trust.

Tell your bf about the fake account and the messages. Perhaps even report to the police.

Dotto · 28/12/2024 10:12

You need to tell the police and your boyfriend. You're not the one hurting him and it's not your fault. He's sexually harassing you and it is a crime.

BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:12

FeistyFrankie · 28/12/2024 10:10

Change your settings to private and unfollow anyone you are not 100% certain you can trust.

Tell your bf about the fake account and the messages. Perhaps even report to the police.

I’ve changed all my settings now - It keeps messaging me on TikTok now but it goes straight to my message requests - my boyfriend knows about the fake account I tell him every time it makes a new one to message/harass me - I’ve told the fake account if it keeps trying to contact me I will contact the police - but when I think on it I don’t even think the police will do anything

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 28/12/2024 10:15

@BeTicklishOtter why have you added ages this isn't redit and it distracts from your question

Xxbbbwwmmm2 · 28/12/2024 10:17

Don’t ever let him into your house again if your on your own, leave him outside and if he keeps trying your door call the police.
I would also report this harassment to the police and tell them who you think it is and why/whats been going on with this guy.

Please tell your boyfriend.

TitaniasAss · 28/12/2024 10:17

Hoardasurass · 28/12/2024 10:15

@BeTicklishOtter why have you added ages this isn't redit and it distracts from your question

No it doesn't.

BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:18

I told his friend last night that if he keeps trying to message me I will have to tell my boyfriend as it is completely over stepping boundaries. His friend then asked me if he could come to my house last night whilst my boyfriend was asleep and to give a little kiss I said no he then kept messaging me saying why and to sneak down at this point I just stopped replying. I then woke up and he had sent 8 messages but he had deleted them all. So I have now deleted him, I think I’m going to sit my boyfriend down and try and speak to him about this when he wakes up. I just know it will cause a lot of trouble.

His friend was like part of the family, he used to live with him at his mums house. I just know as soon as I do tell my boyfriend it is going to cause a big massive drama - probably a fight or something

OP posts:
BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:19

I know this isn’t Reddit I am not stupid, I have added ages as I have posted on here in the past & people have asked me how old I am. So I just thought it would give people an idea into the situation

OP posts:
Whohasnickedthesellotape · 28/12/2024 10:22

He sounds emotionally stunted, disloyal to your BF, and unhinged. Don't let him in your house again. Keep a log of any interaction. Lock down your SM.
Ring 101 and ask for their advice re the stalking.

BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:22

Thankyou - I am going out today with my mum shopping so I’m going to speak to her about it as well to see what she thinks is the best way to address the situation. His friends like a ticking time bomb he’s always out fighting everyone I know my boyfriend will say something to him about this, & that he “friend” is going to come round and kick off I think that’s the thing that’s put me off but I can’t sit on this and just let him keep being friends with him after this.

& I will never let him in my house again, it makes me feel uneasy now

OP posts:
Fairislesweater · 28/12/2024 10:24

The toilet visits could be for cocaine?

he sounds like he could become violent, I think you must report this - both to your boyfriend and the police.

Wigtopia · 28/12/2024 10:26

The fact he has got himself into your house when you didn’t want him there and didn’t leave after being explicitly asked to is worrying. More worrying is that he is also sexually harassing you in person and in messages.

I think you should log this with the police now, not wait for an escalation/ for him to send more messages.

It is such odd behaviour that I would be extremely wary of him.

wishing you all the best.

BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:28

Fairislesweater · 28/12/2024 10:24

The toilet visits could be for cocaine?

he sounds like he could become violent, I think you must report this - both to your boyfriend and the police.

This is what I thought! He takes ketamine he tried to offer it my boyfriend on Christmas Day that’s why my boyfriend asked him to leave.

I told my boyfriend that his friend kept asking to go to the toliet and he must of went several times he said it would have been him upstairs sniffing ket.

his friend is completely unhinged he has just lost his driving license for a 2 nd time because of drug driving. I’m suprised he kept his licence that long when I used to get in his car he would literally start driving at like 80mph on residential street I told my boyfriend that I was not getting in his friends car anymore probably end up dead

OP posts:
Seaworthy · 28/12/2024 10:31

Sounds like a plan OP to speak to your mum. Ultimately your bf needs to know and you both need to cease contact. This guy is off the rails and potentially a danger to you. Your bf needs to step up and protect you from his "friend". Reporting to the police is also very sensible.

booisbooming · 28/12/2024 10:32

He sounds absolutely unhinged. Tell your boyfriend he is harassing you and being super creepy and you will be blocking him on everything because don’t want to see him again. As much as anything, do this for your own peace of mind so he doesn’t make up nonsense about you. Also check in on your friend (his ex) because he’ll be harrassing her too.

Seaworthy · 28/12/2024 10:34

Yy to checking in on his ex - imagine husband behaviour is probably amplified towards her. You're ultimately doing this guy a favour by putting down boundaries. He seriously needs to sort himself out. Anything else is enabling him to carry on a path of self destruction sadly.

Seaworthy · 28/12/2024 10:34

His not husband!

ChristmasinBrighton · 28/12/2024 10:37

You really have to tell your boyfriend.

Seaworthy · 28/12/2024 10:41

I'd also be tempted to stay at your mums if you can while your bf deals with the fallout. I'd be afraid of random visits with him kicking off violently by the sounds of things until he really gets the message. Your bf needs to step up.

YourWildAmberSloth · 28/12/2024 10:43

You need to tell your partner. What his friend is doing is wrong, dangerous and creepy. How will your partner feel when he eventually finds out (and he will), and realises that you kept it from him? It also gives his friend ammunition to say that you colluded or enjoyed the attention. I would be reporting it to the police as well.

Tel12 · 28/12/2024 10:44

You need to tell your boyfriend what's going on. This guy isn't anyone's friend.

Commonsense22 · 28/12/2024 10:45

BeTicklishOtter · 28/12/2024 10:12

I’ve changed all my settings now - It keeps messaging me on TikTok now but it goes straight to my message requests - my boyfriend knows about the fake account I tell him every time it makes a new one to message/harass me - I’ve told the fake account if it keeps trying to contact me I will contact the police - but when I think on it I don’t even think the police will do anything

I really think you should go to the police with a stalking a harassment claim. There are new guidelines and they havevt9 take it seriously.
The threats are escalating and you're not safe. You have accounts of his visits to your house, calls and threats.
They can/ should easily crossreference with the online stalking. I recently saw a documentary on a similar scenario - you might have to make specific requests of the police but you will have a substantial digital trail.

OverthinkingOlive · 28/12/2024 10:52

Tell your boyfriend immediately both for the sake of your relationship and for your safety

pictoosh · 28/12/2024 10:58

He sounds mentally unwell actually. His behaviour is very outlandish.

Tell your boyfriend everything.

Cardinalita90 · 28/12/2024 11:03

This guy sounds dangerously unpredictable. You need to tell your boyfriend what's happening and block the friend's phone number immediately. Then report to the police. Don't worry about your bf's friendship by telling him - your behaviour didn't put it in jeopardy, his friend's did (and it sounds like he sort of despises your bf now anyway).

Seriously OP, between his texts and the fake account I'd be genuinely scared he might try to sexually assault you. Watch some of these documentaries about stalking and you'll see how rapid the escalation can be - you need to nip it in the bud now.