I think my boyfriends best friend has been stalking me on a fake account

[BeTicklishOtter]

I female (25) have been with my boyfriend (25) for 6 years. His best friend (26) who he loves like a brother has been acting so strange towards me.

so for a little context over the years myself my boyfriend and his friend we have all gone out together on days out, drinking together and just over all had a good friendship & I am very very good friends as well with his ex girlfriend.

since his breakup with his girlfriend my boyfriends best friend has just been out drinking all day every day, getting him self into trouble with the police and hanging around with very bad people. My boyfriend out of his own choice has chosen to distance him self from his best friend as he does not want to see him ruin his life. My boyfriend loves him a lot and has tried to help him but there is only so much you can try to help someone if they don’t accept your help what else really can you do. He hasn’t exactly fell out with him but he’s just not seeing him every day like he used.

my boyfriend is absoutley terrible with phones, he must go through 10x phones a year I’m not even over exaggerating (he works in construction and is very very clumsy)

because of Christmas we have been a bit tight on money so he hasn’t actually yet managed to take his phone into repair. So for the time being he just uses my laptop if he needs to go on social media & family or his friends for example will ring my phone or message me if they need to get hold of him,

His best friend keeps ringing and messaging me to speak to my boyfriend, I told him he doesn’t have a phone & I’ll ask him to call him when he gets back from work. He then starts to spit his dummy out telling me to tell my boyfriend he’s sly and he owes him no loyalty now as he wouldn’t ignore his friends if they fell off and went onto the rails. Tried to explain to him it isn’t like that and maybe he should come round to try and speak to my boyfriend in person instead of over the phone.

I told him that my boyfriend would be back for 7 pm as he had gone to go and see his mums for a few hours as I was working ( I work from home ) Instead he decided to turn up to my house at 3 pm - he first asked if I could put his phone on charge for him whilst he took his dog for a walk, I ran to my back gate to grab his phone of him & to put it on charge. He then asked if he could use my toliet I told him yeah just run up. He kept trying to keep conversation going with me once he came back down saying he might just wait for my boyfriend to get home. I said to him I don’t really think that’s the best idea as he’s still going to be a good few hours.

( I was drinking wine whilst wrapping presents as this was on Christmas Eve, his friend had seen my wine and started asking me what I was up to I said I was just having a few wines and wrapping he then said to me so you not going to grab me one then, I felt a bit awkward at this point I was like yeeee erm you can have one of my boyfriends beers. Whilst his friend was here I was trying to get into contact with my boyfriend telling him that his friend was here, for him to hurry up - but I got no answer back. Eventually my boyfriend rang & his friend went out to speak to him - my boyfriend told him to go home & that he will go round to his friends house later on to go and see him. His friend told me about this and he started to slag my boyfriend of saying he doesn’t know why he’s being like that.

even after my boyfriend told him to leave he kept trying to make excuses to not leave I don’t even know how to explain it but I felt so so so awkward. He kept asking to go to the toliete he must of went to the toilet at least 4 times. He kept telling me he couldn’t wee & he didn’t want my boyfriend walking in thinking anything was happening and kept pointing to his pants. I had no idea what the hell he was going on about untill he said that he had a hard on & I have made him hard the whole time he was there. He then tried to kiss me which I swerved and at that point I told him it’s probably best that he leaves.

he now keeps messaging me telling me he wants to “fuck Me” & “destroy me” that he always has - he kept deleting message so I am completely ignoring what he is putting I am not even replying.

I feel so bad for my boyfriend and I don’t even know how to tell him about what has happened because I know that this will hurt him ALOT his friend ended up coming round the day after on Christmas Day to speak to my boyfriend within an hour my boyfriend told him to go. He keeps messaging me saying he’s coming round to see me but to see my boyfriend as well.

my boyfriend has a lot of love for him and what has happened is going to really really hurt him. He doesn’t really have many friends as it is - he’s told me plenty of times he would die for his friend. I do want to tell my boyfriend I just have absoutley no idea where the hell to start.

as for the stalking me on a fake profile - for nearly 3 years a fake account has been messaging me sexually harassing me - it saves my pictures and sends me then, tells me that I am making them throb and a lot of other things but reading what his friend has sent me the messages ( the way it’s worded and the things it has sent me, sound exactly like what his friend has been messaging me) - the fake account has already told me I know who they are but they can’t tell me who - when I block it a new one is made - the whole situation is also making me feel very very uncomfortable

Heard this exact same story not so long ago

This is awful for you OP

As PP have said if he inclined to report him to police

Your DP’s correct in not indulging him

You don't seem to be taking this seriously enough. You "might" tell your boyfriend, you "might" talk to your mum about it and see what she thinks. You've had multiple posters telling you to report to the police which you should have done a while ago by the sounds of it.

If this is all true then you need to report it before something worse happens

This has got to be the most immature thing I’ve ever read.

Tell your boyfriend about his creepy mate, contact the police and most importantly, tell your boyfriend to stop being so careless with phones. Working on a construction site isn’t an excuse.

Dear me what has Mumsnet become these days. It's seems like you should contact the police given what happened.

@BeTicklishOtter I don’t normally comment on here but as someone who’s had experience of male violence, including my best friend having been murdered, I need to respond to you on this.
This man is showing so many red flags, he’s dangerous, unpredictable & is now triggered by the breakup of the relationship with his girlfriend & your partner & is spending most of his time with other volatile people.
Often women try & minimise what a man is doing/has done. We often don’t want to upset the status quo, or make a situation worse, so we end up tolerating behaviour which is dangerous. When I was your age, I had similar situations with men coming into my house & making me feel threatened (friends of friends, men working on the house etc). He was testing you & those behaviours you describe weren’t tender, trying to seduce you behaviours, it sounds like the description of someone who was on the cusp of assaulting you.
Please remember Gisèle Pelicot’s message to the world, it’s so relevant to your circumstances - ‘it’s not for us to have shame – it’s for them’
Please report all of this to the police today or tomorrow. Once you’ve done that, then tell your boyfriend. I would tell the police first as unfortunately your boyfriend may also try to play this down. You need to get the police involved, they will take action. Also have a look at some websites like Women’s Aid to learn a bit more about this sort of manipulation & what resources are out there to support you.
I’m nearly 50 now but when I think back to what I tolerated when I was your age, I feel so sad & enraged for my younger self. You don’t have to put up with his shit, please don’t. Big hugs to you.

No - it really doesn't. And it is useful to help get a fuller picture.

You need ro tell your boyfriend immediately op. This guy could start Saying something happened and as you’re already lying by omission he may not believe you when you try to tell the truth,

Honestly, I’d be more concerned with your boyfriend ‘loving like a brother’ someone who is an unstable ketamine-using stalker who forced his way into your house and refused to leave, and is banned from driving because of drug use.

And your own priorities are skewed — this guy who tried to sexually assault you in your own house is now texting you telling you he wants to fuck you and destroy you, and you feel bad for your boyfriend?

Focus on yourself and your own safety first, always. You’re not some bit of territory to be fought over by your boyfriend and his awful friend.

Why didn’t you block the friend the second he started getting angry about your boyfriend on your phone? You’re not an answering service for your boyfriend’s calls just because he can’t be bothered to repair his phone.

As per PP, just adding to the chorus.. you really must tell your boyfriend everything.

God yes definitely go the police. I think your in real danger here. Ask his ex why they split and if she thinks he has changed recently before you tell her why.

You need to tell people IiRL close to you ASAP. Just tell dp not to go nuclear and he needs to stay calm. If bf got arrested then creepy dick will know your home alone. Get security cameras. He is ramping up his behaviour seeing how far he can go. Get police advise ASAP to keep yourself safe. He won't just stop there.

Have you screenshotted the texts? In this scenario I think your boyfriend needs to see the messages for himself - and don’t delay telling him everything. This isn’t a friend.

YABU to not have told your bloke what's going on OP. You could be in real danger from this bloke. Tell him today, everything.

It doesn't and it's a million times better than keeping the sexes neutral. That is distracting.

You can tell your boyfriend.

Just say you are concerned about his mental health, and that he is behaving very strangely around you and you think it's linked to his downward spiral. If you come from a place of concern, which sounds like could all be genuine too, hopefully it won't all explode like you are perhaps worrying about.

What did people say when you posted this a few days ago?

This is basically a repeat of this thread, isn’t it?

And the fact there 2 children in the household changes things up a bit! Especially with this 'friend' doing drugs in the bathroom. OP if this is a 2nd thread you need to put your children first and get the police involved.

I have voted YABU not because you are in any way at fault but because you absolutely must tell your boyfriend now. This man sounds dangerous and fixated on you. He will use the fact that you have withheld information from your boyfriend to try and make it your fault/a he said she said situation the next time he does something inappropriate. And honestly if this man has been harassing you for 3 years and is trying to make situations where he is alone with you and being like that with you I think there is a very real danger of assault next time. Tell your boyfriend and tell the police of your suspicions, you might not be the only one he is harassing. This is not your fault, but your boyfriend needs to end this friendship, you are not protecting him by withholding this information.

I'd also be screenshotting the messages rather than deleting. That way you have proof

Tbh and I say this kindly and not meant to victim blame, but you need to stop being so passive. You’re going to tell your BF’s mum, why? Just tell your BF what has been happening, stop replying to his friends messages and cut him out your life. Replying is only feeding his little fantasy because by replying he thinks he has a chance.

What do you have to say about this, OP? Is this also your thread? 🤣

You have to tell him because the longer this goes on the more guilty you look.

If the friend claims you've been leading him on or having an affair, your boyfriend might believe him purely due to you not telling him about this straight away.

Just tell him you were worried he'd confront his friend and things could get violent but then show him the messages.

If you have been consistently shutting it down, as you claim, the messages will show that.

Make sure you screen shot all of the messages as the friend could delete them at any time.

You have to tell him because the longer this goes on the more guilty you look.

This. Stop dawdling and tell him today. If he's as decent as he seems he deserves to be put in the picture by the one person he trusts the most. I know you think you're protecting him but the longer you leave it the more hurt he will feel by BOTH of you. If you can hide this? What else are you hiding? That is what he will think and I dont blame him. A successful partnership includes no secrets even when it's hard. Tell him now and stop letting this nutcase trash your relationship.

I think you do need to report this OP. Tell your boyfriend and mum too.

If you've had disturbing messages from fake accounts for 3+ years and they are identical to the ones you are receiving directly now, the police may want to know. It's definitely the same person and it is really concerning behaviour. They might not do anything but he's also now showing up uninvited when you're alone and this will probably escalate.

I don't mean to worry you, but if he's also taking Ketamine whilst there I would be kick him out/call the police or quietly leave myself so that he couldn't harm me physically, which his messages imply he wants to do.