To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

[merrychristonabike]

Me DH and our kids went to a hotel for xmas - a tradition we adopted to escape the 'where will you be at xmas?' from mum and dad every year. We've invited them and my in-laws before, but it wasn't fun as my parents were clearly put out they were sharing the time with in-laws.
On arrival on xmas eve, my parents were there to 'surprise' us and we were furious. My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us,
It ruined the 3 night stay. They didn't bring the kids' gifts - I think so we will still have to go see them and I just can't face it. There's a bit of back story to their behaviour, but it's too long for here other than them being overbearing and intense. And I also just want to know AIBU? And what's your advice yo navigate this?

I’m not wrong if ur parents are abusive Get rid of them look for peace and deal with life without them!

and definitely don’t tell them what hotel ur in!

'Its so fucking easy to sit on the internet and say "Well what I would do is...." sitting there safe in the knowledge that you will never have to.
How DARE you sit there all superior that you know best when you know nothing at all? What the hell do you think gives you that right?!
I do know what its like, and sadly judging by this thread alone, so do a lot of other people. You dont. Clam up.'

Well said. So many people on here just don't get it, and seem determined to carry on not getting it. Parents like the OPs do SUCH a number on your sense of self, your autonomy, your confidence and ability to stand up for yourself. I'm in my mid 40s and I'm still learning all the time how to manage my relationship with mine

well she wanted answers and opinions I given mine and I’m entitled to it! N as for u get a grip !

And other people are entitled to their opinion to your opinion.

Correct, you can have as many stupid and unfounded opinions as you like. And others can comment on that

How rude.

Then why is she telling them what hotel she’s at? She’s clearly in good contact with them to tell them all her plans for Christmas ???

Because the vast, vast majority of people aren’t deranged enough to turn up at a hotel to take part in a trip they weren’t invited to join. I don’t actively tell my parents (or indeed any other family members, friends or colleagues) the name of the hotel I’m staying in on holiday, but if one of them asked me casually “stating anywhere nice?” or similar, I wouldn’t keep it a secret or Immediately be suspicious. I’d think they were just making conversation - not that they were planning to jump out from behind a curtain shouting “Yoooo-hooooo!!! Sur-priiiiise!!!”

How is it rude?

That wasn't rude

I would love it if my parents did this. If I had done it because I wanted a break with immediate family only then I would have told them so it didn’t happen. But I also wouldn’t have left my parents alone for Christmas.

And another one.

Bully for you . You're can have a cookie.

What's rude about it?

Some of us are unfortunate to have abusive parents, and I don't necessarily mean physically or sexually, but parents who are immensely critical, insulting, who scream and shout and turn every meeting into an anxious wait. They want an argument, and you know that, so you bite your tongue, try to be nice, take the abuse and walk on egg shells, only for them to blow up over some imagined slight anyway.

Having to spend time with my parents, particularly over the holidays, fills me with anxiety and dread and the end result was always the same - having to leave when the shouting and venom becomes too much.

So when people try the "but they're your parents", as the pp did, I find it quite offensive and belittling.

Nanny0gg was right to call out that small-mindedness.

You'd love to have abusive parents and spend your time placating them?

Honestly, there are some dreadful comments on this thread.

I think that's quite obvious.

It was a reasonable response to an incredibly insensitive comment.

So you wouldn’t go on holiday without expressly telling everyone you know that they’re not invited? Just in case they turn up?

You wouldn’t think it was common bloody sense?

thats is very narcissist behaviour (on their part). They want constant attention and do not respect your boundaries. They will fight back if they feel their control over you is waning. Narcissists feel they have the right to tell their adult children what to do and will use a variety of means to get you to do what they want, including guilt tripping. It’s all rather toxic behaviour. In short would you accept that behaviour from a close friend? No. Then it’s not ok for them to do this. I would suggest you read up on narcissistic families. It will help you manage their behaviour and part of that is managing your own responses to their behaviour. You might not be able to control what they do but you can learn to manage your own responses and maintain boundaries. Good luck!

You know nothing

Clam up

So sorry this happened to you. Sounds awful and you certainly don't deserve it.

Your DH seems like a gem.

So sorry also about the posts criticising you. Very possibly from obnoxious parenting types.

Good luck for the New Year. Your own immediate family is the most important and I'm sure you're doing great. Your parents and others should be secondary in your focus - and maybe not even that given how they behave.

Hope this helps!!

It's not OP's dream so it was inappropriate of them. They likely knew it too given the history OP has shared.

What an unnecessarily harsh response to someone who is agreeing with you 😂

We have had similar issues with my parents, too long a story to go into now. What we did : one holiday we booked in Barcelona, another one in Istambul. Too far away for any family member to join us. Oh yes they were angry, but we had a great christmas ánd newyear. The following years we refused to go to theirs for christmas, only for a big(ger) family reunion on Boxing Day.

I'm not sure why, but the illiterate nature of your ridiculous and childish posts adds insult to injury. It's like argueing with a badly brought up child.

OP's parents are abusive and even though you now know that, you are doubling down on your crass and uninformed comments.

Telling someone with abusive parents that they'll be sorry when they're dead is horrible. Whenever people post about their awful parents and in laws, some people use emotional blackmail to tell them that their parents are dead and that they would give anything to have them back for just an hour or a day and that the poster should be grateful that these abusive people are still alive.

You seem to be on the side of the abusers and other people supporting the abusers. It's not rude to challenge the people who are using emotional blackmail to guilt trip an OP who is the victim of abuse by her parents.

You know nothing
Clam up

Bit much. That was a supportive and empathetic post.