To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

[merrychristonabike]

Me DH and our kids went to a hotel for xmas - a tradition we adopted to escape the 'where will you be at xmas?' from mum and dad every year. We've invited them and my in-laws before, but it wasn't fun as my parents were clearly put out they were sharing the time with in-laws.
On arrival on xmas eve, my parents were there to 'surprise' us and we were furious. My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us,
It ruined the 3 night stay. They didn't bring the kids' gifts - I think so we will still have to go see them and I just can't face it. There's a bit of back story to their behaviour, but it's too long for here other than them being overbearing and intense. And I also just want to know AIBU? And what's your advice yo navigate this?

Or their own pre-cooked dinners, all plated up and ready to pop in the OP's microwave!

They're ridiculously selfish OP, and bang out of order. What on earth made them think it was ok to gatecrash your Christmas? That's just so rude.

So seeing them twice during Christmas week is not enough?

My brother and his wife used to always invite themselves for Christmas. When her parents were alive they didn't bother their backsides with my parents or us at Christmas. My parents always came to us, but when the sis in law's parents passed away they would just appear at ours! Wouldn't even bring a bottle of wine or anything and never once were we or my parents ever invited to theirs at Christmas. I had a huge row with them over other family stuff so I think they know better than to turn up now as I'd tell them to gtf.

If you bothered to read all the OP's posts, you would see that her father is an abusive bully and her mum enables him.

There has been a refreshing lack of the usual emotionally blackmailing posts, telling OP how much she would miss her abusive parents when they've gone, until now.

I'm sure OP will have some very complicated feelings when her parents die, but that is still no reason to pander to her abusive parents.

Did you actually read any of the thread?

The only rude people here were the overbearing grandparents

the op was a coward, not facing the situation head on.
anyway, water under the bridge
new year
its now january 4th

christmas is so last year

Don’t bother going and collecting the gifts. Stop telling people where you will be :)

It always amazes me how many people want to excuse and sympathise with abusive people. How incredibly fortunate some of these posters are to have no experience of this level of manipulation and gaslighting from their own parents.

For those of us who had parents like yours OP, you are NOT being unreasonable. Go no contact for at least 6 months if not forever. I can't honestly see the point in maintaining any relationship with people like this. You will never win, you will never be good enough - and I'm sorry but they don't love you or care about you (or their grandchildren - they'd rather withhold their Christmas presents so they can get their own way). They don't see you as a person in her own right. You are just an extension of them, a means to project their sense of self. Your boundaries will only ever been offensive to them - it's all about them getting what they want. It's awful.

But if you do stay in touch, I'd strongly hint that you're going back to the same hotel. Make them think they've got the upper hand. And then go away somewhere else.

This won't be a GDPR breach. They will have called up and asked to be put next door to Mr. & Mrs. MerryChristonaBike. No room numbers would have been given out when doing this when reserving their room.
IF however, the receptionist actually gave out their room number to them, then that is a security breach, which should not have happened, but not a GDPR breach

Many years ago, when GDPR wasn't even a twinkling in a bureaucrat's eye, I worked on hospitals, both general and psychiatric. To even admit someone with a particular name was an inpatient was seen as a breach of confidentiality. The hotel shouldn't have even admitted to having the OP's family booked in, let alone arrange rooms and table settings without both parties agreeing.

I really feel for you. It seems you're in a ni-wun situation at the moment with no easy fixes.
Christmas is built up so very much with huge, unrealistic expectations. I absolutely agree that, next Christmas, going away somewhere else is a good plan. Keep it totally secret. No hints, even to your kids.
Meanwhile, remember you can't please everyone and that's not your role in life anyway. Your priorities are your DH & children.
I think the only thing you can do is to try to keep calm but stick to your guns.
Crying every day? Actually that sounds like a way of trying to manipulate you. Emotional bullying to put it bluntly.
My best wishes to you for a happier, peaceful 2025.

Another influx of posters who haven't RTFT, and haven't even bothered to read all of the OPs posts.

Maybe they just wanted to spend Christmas with u.. imagine ur kids made u feel like this after all u did for them.. I think ur been very unreasonable

Maybe they just wanted to spend Christmas with u.. imagine ur kids made u feel like this after all u did for them.. I think ur been very unreasonable

Have you read all the OPs posts, or did you just read the opener and nevertheless feel moved to opine?

She has abusive parents.

Imagine reading the thread or at least OP's posts so you have at least a vague idea what you're talking about.

Oh, wouldn't that be just wonderful? A true Christmas miracle!

My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us

It's beginning to look a lot like pro-jec-tiiioooon...

No.

Really? Are you a pain in the arse DM or MIL?

OP go somewhere else next year and don’t tell them. Better still go to your ILs.

Next time, book to go to Center Parcs but don’t tell them which village.

Plus without day passes they won’t get in. And villas are only for a set number of guests and so it’s impossible to simply turn up.

Leading up to Xmas, just say “we don’t know what we’re doing yet”.

Wow they are really overstepping the boundaries. I can empathise, my parents often disregard my boundaries (though I don’t think they would ever do this tbh) and my father and DH are not on speaking terms anymore. After a year of therapy where I have realised how much this affects me, I feel a lot more relaxed setting my boundaries firmly and being the boundary too. I recommend therapy to unpick it all for sure, they probably won’t change but you have to find a way to deal with this.

Goodness. Your father is horrible

Do a cottage stay; I have done quite of these Christmasses

why she is STILL with him

I'm more than old enough to be a Gransnetter (there's a reason I'm here and not there)

And in my opinion, you couldn't be more wrong

Have you read all of the OP's posts?

I was about 48 when I realised I would never please my mother no matter how much I tried and believe me I had spent the previous 48 years trying very, very hard. I just stopped being bothered by her. I still see her just as much but I take absolutely no notice of her nonsense. I feel very sorry for you, them turning up was outrageous. Next year, go abroad and don't tell them where you are going.

Oh enough of the emotional blackmail!

Not everyone's experience will be the same as yours! Ever thought of that?