To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

[merrychristonabike]

Me DH and our kids went to a hotel for xmas - a tradition we adopted to escape the 'where will you be at xmas?' from mum and dad every year. We've invited them and my in-laws before, but it wasn't fun as my parents were clearly put out they were sharing the time with in-laws.
On arrival on xmas eve, my parents were there to 'surprise' us and we were furious. My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us,
It ruined the 3 night stay. They didn't bring the kids' gifts - I think so we will still have to go see them and I just can't face it. There's a bit of back story to their behaviour, but it's too long for here other than them being overbearing and intense. And I also just want to know AIBU? And what's your advice yo navigate this?

Holy shit. Next year your new Christmas tradition will have to be a holiday abroad!

I don't understand why you spend so much time with them @merrychristonabike?

I wouldn't want my children spending time with people like your parents.

Yeah, we really are now scraping the bottom
of the barrel of MN with the spiteful posts on this thread, classic example above and one post already deleted from “little mother” because it was just dripping with gleeful spite.

Doesn’t really matter what anyone’s opinion is on the subject in question, but it begs the question just how angry and bitter posters must be with their own lives to feel such a need to crucify a stranger who dares to contradict them. Really very sad individuals.

A little harsh. You are lucky to have little insight in to dysfunctional families. I spent 60 years trying to communicate with mine before giving up.

YADNBU

Don't go pick up the gifts ,if they didn't bring them after "gatecrashing your family hotel stay . Create a wee bit of space for a while. Hopefully you will be able to have a wee calm chat about boundaries. Good luck.

@merrychristonabike the ‘getting above your station’ used to be such a big thing in some parts of society. Quite prevalent where my DH grew up. I find it strange when parents can’t be pleased when their child has a more successful/affluent life, we never wanted ours to have the same struggles we had. A more normal emotion would be pride in their achievements.

I feel genuinely sorry for you, trying to juggle your children’s relationship with your parents, alongside the criticism and disapproval shown to you and your DH. I hope you can find a solution that means some contact, but on your terms.

Have you read the post?

Thank you

Yes also final straw.

Create space. Silence. Why go to a hotel every year? Stay home and enjoy your peace. Wouldn't spend a Xmas with them again and they would not see my children again until something changed. Nor would it ever be so regularly.

Read the thread, I don't often post on here but you are not helping the OP and should just butt out! If you cannot say anything positive, do not say anything at all.

Please make sure that they don't intend to gate crash your visit to your sister! From what you said I can see that happening.

Can you move farther away?

Perhaps speak to them directly rather than dissing them publicly?

Ohhhh, you're that poster I put in their place under a new account name.

Got it.

(That I have reported @mnhq aren't fans of sock puppet accounts)

“Dissing”? Are you a 12 year-old in 1991?

MN is a discussion forum. What’s the point in it if we can’t actually discuss things?

I understand your DH was trying to support you following the experiences you have endured with your parents. It really is up to you or you and your DH to set healthy boundaries with your parents and present a united front. If they choose to disregard them then please keep reinforcing them. Tell them how much you care for them and this what you are able to offer, ie what is within your gift.

I also came across a quote that I have found particularly helpful….

‘remind yourself that you’re not obligated to live your life according to their expectations’

I sincerely hope you can find a mutual way forward.

Yes - do you have a problem with that?

I've tried that; for the past 20 years. I'm at the end of my tether - they're not amenable to adult, rational discussion. I'm not dissing them publicly - this is a clearly anonymous post.

If that’s directed at me, I would have thought my comment made this an unnecessary question.

Yes, thank you. This is helpful. We do put on a united front and went for a bit of a summit - for lack of a better description a few months ago and me and DH started everything with "this is because we love you and care about you and care about having a relationship" but that all went to shit too with mum basically saying "that's not true" when we described how her actions made us feel and my dad exploding at my mum or us whenever he felt he was being disrespected, which is always, apparently.

We're in the process of moving rn, except, it's clearly not far away enough in that it's not abroad. 😂🙈

So can we! X

I hope you went out and bought a new one!