To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

[merrychristonabike]

Me DH and our kids went to a hotel for xmas - a tradition we adopted to escape the 'where will you be at xmas?' from mum and dad every year. We've invited them and my in-laws before, but it wasn't fun as my parents were clearly put out they were sharing the time with in-laws.
On arrival on xmas eve, my parents were there to 'surprise' us and we were furious. My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us,
It ruined the 3 night stay. They didn't bring the kids' gifts - I think so we will still have to go see them and I just can't face it. There's a bit of back story to their behaviour, but it's too long for here other than them being overbearing and intense. And I also just want to know AIBU? And what's your advice yo navigate this?

that was your imagination, giving completely your own spin on what could happen
it didnt actually happen
i suggest you use your reading skills rather than your imagination.

Are you on glue?

Yes, this is all too accurate. Why, when OP’s mother is doing her weeping and wailing routine, does she never wail to her husband, saying, “Please don’t treat your own daughter like this; please don’t cause a rift by shouting at her husband that we’ve never liked him. Think of our relationship with our grandchildren!”?

Because she knows, or at least thinks, she can manipulate OP into giving in to avoid a row. She knows how to lay on the “How could you make your own mother cry?!” guilt trip. After all, look how many posters on this thread have responded in mawkish horror with “But they’re your parents!”, when they don’t even know or care about anyone involved. There’s still an expectation in many circles that children should have to always give in out of some kind of gratitude for their upbringing, or even their very existence. And while this behaviour isn’t exclusively confined to mothers and daughters, women are frequently cast in the role of peacemaker - so the guilt hits from both angles.

Absolutely this.

The sudden doctors appointments. Secrecy and performance... "you won't care that I've been to the hospital today, I don't want to worry you either" with the grave face of being on deaths door when they've had a routine flu jab. Depending on the level your parents stoop to, faking cancer or other serious illness isn't actually unlikely.

Falls. Thinking someone is breaking in to the house.

Every family member and acquaintance will be rushed too, so they can most importantly get in there first, to perform as the victims, being denied their grandchildren.

It's what the mother did today.

I see you've opted for buffoon.

Well no, the exact to the letter scenario of OP’s parents making a scene from three tables away didn’t happen. Probably because OP didn’t ask for them to be moved (and the parents knew very well she wouldn’t). But even when they got what they wanted and were sat with OP and her family throughout, OP’s father STILL made things as uncomfortable as possible by refusing to talk to her husband.

What about that scenario makes you think that being asked to move would have improved their behaviour?

What about that scenario makes you think that being asked to move would have improved their behaviour?

i am not saying this at all @BrightonFrock
but as usual posters are winding themselves up with their own imagination, or their own experiences
excitement for posters i imagine

"Falls."

This was my MIL's favourite .... always to get my DH to come running.

Her best one was "I've fallen in the bedroom but the front door is locked from the inside - shall I go down and unlock it for you..."

This happened most weeks.

So just to clarify, you didn't think it would improve their behaviour yet advised:

if op really didnt want to see her parents they could have asked for their own table

In fact, you didn't say it at all according to this post. Lmao.

It's almost like we know exactly what we're talking about eh.

OP I think the people giving you a hard time have no idea how unpleasant and manipulative families can be. My view is that in a good marriage where you are treated well your family unit (the four of you) comes first. I would put my husband before my parents because he is the most important person in my life and if they treated him badly they wouldn't see us very often. Your parents didn't book the trip as a good thing to surprise you, they did it to ambush you. I'd take a long break from them and just ignore the fact that they have gifts. Next year, I'd either stay home and have a lovely Christmas just the 4 of you (as long as they don't live close enough to know and visit) but pretend I was going away. Or I'd refuse to tell them the hotel name and I'd book a different hotel. I wouldn't allow them to ambush my holiday again.

And he was a target

You are not acknowledging your error

@merrychristonabike - how has your day unfolded? Did you see your sister and her family? How do you get on with her?

now what? why are you joining in
this is not some sport @Nanny0gg

it is all such an unlikely event

If your parents won't listen write to them. Life is too short for all this grief
I seriously think you should go no contact

No. It's a public forum not a private conversation
This is how they work

I admire you attempting the Crayola...

Errr.. on their own? Other children? Friends? Other family members?

Why is that OPs issue? You're not entitled or bound to rock up and gate crash your adult children's plans. Christmas or not. Christ, there's some selfish, enmeshed parents on here.

They sound very manipulative op.

Hopefully you can get some space from them.

Ah, I think your mums on this thread OP.

Next year give them the name of a hotel a couple of hours in the opposite direction. I'd get the kids replacement presents and if they ever see the originals then that's a bonus. Very rude of them to turn up univited, almost as rude not to be gracious, but you two didn't have time to think about it, whilst they'd planned this over several days even weeks or months. Tell them you're off to Siberia for Easter too.

Let's face it, if the Op had posted this in April and said her DPs gatecrashed their Easter break, there wouldn't be nearly as many posters defending her DPs.
Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean the Op had to say yes to all her DPs demands, not when they've seen her nearly every day whether the Op wanted that or not.