Starting to really dislike men..

[Whatshappeningg]

Name changed. Penis beaker, screaming at the michael angelo etc.

i'm 31, and really starting to dislike men, and I'm not sure if this is normal (I'm guessing not though..) or why this is the case.

I am still physically attracted to them. There isn't an issue there. I still have a sex drive. I still enjoy chatting in normal life situations with men.

I suppose I'm fed up of the attention, come on's, and just always feeling like they want something from me. I'm not particularly beautiful, genuinely, in fact I'm short, quite fat and don't wear a lot of make up. I've no idea why they would be attracted to me to be totally honest.

But for example, enquiring to buy something online, whether social media or otherwise, that someone is selling. The amount of times the man can't just do a transaction and leave it there, but must either start messaging afterwards, or, before I even collect the item then starts asking me out etc, is really starting to get on my nerves. Messages if someone happens to come across a post I've commented on, asking if I'm single and literally saying 'thought I'd try my luck'.

Seems you can't even use a local corner shop without the owners trying to be over-friendly, or eventually after chatter, making lewd and suggestive jokes, for example. Never happens in big supermarkets funnily enough, just seems to be where men are unconstrained by normal boundaries of society/watchful eyes.

Walking down the street in city centre, minding my own business, man starts walking beside me, says hello, starts asking about my day, and then drops 'I think you're absolutely stunning', in which case I told him I had a partner. He was gracious about it thankfully, and told me to have a wonderful day, I know plenty of men can be much worse with rejection. BUT I felt so embarrassed, I just want to mind my business and don't like the attention or public displays.

This isn't a goady 'look at the attention I get' - as I said, think size 18, 5ft 5, and a woman in my early thirties ffs. I have no idea how very beautiful women cope because they must get it every time they leave the bloody house & I feel for youse!!!

TBH most of the time I just think they're taking the piss because I'm a big girl, but honestly some of them definitely aren't, and I don't get it. I've always been a bigger girl and it seems like it's ramped the fuck up massively since I hit 30.

Is anyone else sick of it? Just men wanting something from you?

Don't even get me started on the staring, either. It makes me feel like I must look really fucking odd, and then they must be asking me out cos they feel sorry for me or something!! Or think I'll be easy because I'm big.

Whatever the reason, I honestly don't want it. I feel so self conscious with it guys, and it's getting to me, a lot.

I guarantee it’s more of an attitude and style of dress thing rather than looks, some people look more approachable or available than others.

I'm not sure the relevance of the MN history is ?

Perfect your resting bitch face and then you can avoid any come on's ?

Men are simple creatures , they will try their best , you just tell them to fuck off , job done .

Yes do you think you get better advice as been here a long time? Honestly wondering why?

I agree! Perfect the glare. It isn't fair women can't walk around without being stared at. It does diminish as you get older. Now I notice them staring at my daughter. It is awful.
Need a societal shift.

I'm 45. This now doesn't happen. It did when I was younger and it was awful. My friends and I started wearing hot pants when we were 18 and out clubbing as men would shove their hands up our skirts. All through my 20s and 30s thre would be something. I'm not that good looking either! Now I have 3 daughters and I dread what is to come for them. I'm fed up of reading about women dying at the hands of men they know. I'm teaching them that they need to be independent- earn their own money, never rely on anyone except me - even their dad is useless. I think I'm just ground down by men too. Sorry - this became a bit of a rant!

I'm not sure why me posting that I'm a regular poster but name changed for this bothers you so much to be honest. It's obviously because too often people get labelled a troll if it seems to be the first post with no history. Or, as another thread I saw, someone ridiculed for making a similar post, because they must be 'oh so beautiful' to be getting attention, which obviously isn't the case, as I've described.

In any case, I think it's a pretty mundane thing to be bothered about - whether someone posts that they've name changed or not.

Back to the topic, I'm genuinely starting to really struggle with it, it makes me want to be invisible and just disappear as it makes me feel very self conscious. There was a recent one in a garden centre where my partner had gone ahead of me to fetch something, as I stopped to look at something. Next thing I know a man about 20 years older pulled up next to me with my trolley, trying to start small tank and following me around side by side around the shop, it was just bizarre. My OH came back and remarked the way he was following me round we looked like a bloody couple (albeit an odd one) and thought it was funny. I really didn't. I asked him why I get picked out like this and he couldn't answer.

Another one recently on the bus on my own, man clearly kept turning round to stare at me (only myself a few seats behind him, no one else on the bus at the time), thinking he was being clever/casual about it.

It may sound strange but it's really impacting my self esteem. I'm genuinely going about my own business but when I do notice, I do sometimes try to do the 'hard stare' but they don't break eye contact, and I eventually do. I feel like fucking Quasimodo sometimes when they stare like this.

I'd like to hear from others on how they deal with it, and if I'm alone in that I'm feeling so impacted by it, and why so, because I know women in general have to deal with this type of thing, but how.

I also probably really needed the space to just sound off. And just be heard.

Hello, time traveller from 1953. Don’t let us keep you. Travel back to medieval times with the ducking stools etc. you’ll enjoy that

I haven't experienced this strife. Perhaps because I am v tall. Considered beautiful although I don't see it myself.

Most men never get female attention so to ever get with anyone they have to pursue. Problem with that is all the unwanted attention that generates. There's a hell of a lot of incels/sexless men out there.

Just say no and move on.

Men are simple creatures, and they are much more likely to approach people who look friendly and approachable - usually these are the less attractive women and often these men aren’t oil paintings themselves. Just because they are communicating with you, doesn’t mean they are hitting on you, they might just be being friendly.

I have never ever been ‘hit on’.

I don’t make eye contact any more, haven’t for years. Smile at the ground and move quickly on. I have a lovely partner but the reality of so many men out there is just awful, and it’s hard to shrug it off, the knowledge is just exhausting. Sending sympathy.

Me neither. I’m an invisible older woman now, but even as a young woman (I was married at 20) I must have looked unapproachable, which was as I wanted it. I had conversations with men, but as soon as it became apparent they wanted more I just made it clear I wasn’t interested. Job done.

The problem with resting bitch face is you get the ‘give us a smile love’ instead. Headphones (on silent) can help give an excuse to ignore.

Do you look friendly? I have a sort of friendly, smiley face and always attract conversation from strangers- men mostly but women too. My DH is always really surprised when he finds out what random strangers have told me about themselves.

If I'm not in the mood I just keep my head down and avoid eye contact or wear earbuds/headphones.

I'm sorry this is grinding you down. I am 50 and don't get much attention anymore, but I am increasingly angry that male-on-female sexual violence and harassment have increased since I was your age. I can't understand why no government in any country has done anything to bring the statistics down. There is an overall huge sense of entitlement going on at the moment throughout all of society, but it is especially scary for women and children. Take care of yourself out there.

Do you have a curvy figure? Big bum / chest / both? A lot of men love ‘bigger’ women especially if they have ‘extra padding’. They don’t even care about the face, it’s all about the body as long as the face is not what they would consider ‘ugly’. You might look approachable and ‘easy’ because of some stereotype they have. Basically it isn’t normal to get hounded that often, so there’s something about you that men want to have sex with. And yes that makes them disgusting little cretins walking around like giant penises with their tongues lolling out. And no I’m not blaming you for this.

I mean, I already stated I didn't consider myself attractive at all, so not sure there was quite the need to restate it (well, I do see the need behind your post, if I'm totally honest..).

I don't feel I look approachable or friendly, but as with all these things, it's in the eye of the beholder I guess. I actually tend to have a natural resting frown.

I've seen many a beautiful woman be approached by men - that being said, I do agree men will find it a lot harder to approach very beautiful women, so maybe they aren't approached very much because men think they have no hope. It seems very logical.

As for the men doing the approaching, I'd say about 40% of it is older men, about 10-20% of them I'd consider not conventionally attractive at all, the others are either about average, with a smaller number being some very physically attractive men. This is of course just speaking from what society would deem levels of attractiveness though, it's all individual I suppose.

It's all well and good saying 'just say no and move on' if it doesn't impact you very much. They sometimes use the excuse you actually used, 'I was just being friendly' (they're not 'just being friendly' and following men around, though, funnily enough) and I've actually had verbal abuse more times than I could count, in the past, for 'just saying no' as I'm sure many a woman can attest to. It does get tiresome having lewd comments made to you, when you're just nipping round to one of the local shops for some emergency bits, for example. I have to fucking brace myself now.

So it's not always a case of 'just saying no' and moving on, is it?

Besides which, the point of the thread was it's actually impacting me, and making me feel very self conscious, so it's perhaps kind of obvious it's getting to me more than I'd like. I do not want the attention. I do not like it. I couldn't care less whether it's because men consider me butt ugly and so view me as an easy choice to approach, or not. I just want to go about my normal every day life without interactions such as these. As it seems do other women who sympathise. I'm not on this planet to be eyed up by men as either unattractive, not, easy, or not, and I'm just fucking tired of it.

Thank you for your lovely post, and for understanding where I'm coming from. I would like to just have normal interactions with people, without them weighing me up so to speak. It feels objectifying because women are just people, but we're not seen as it, are we?

It's interesting you say this. I don't smile at people generally unless I'm in conversation with somebody I know, and if it comes naturally. I genuinely describe myself as having a 'resting bitch face'. But maybe I do look friendly to others, just don't consider myself to be.

I always avoid eye contact by habit so as to not invite conversation now, but will give a hard stare when I can see in my peripheral if someone is staring for too long. If they try smiling I don't smile back in a friendly way, anymore. Just not worth the hassle it sometimes invites. Will try the headphones thing!

Oh aye, rather than the fact they could just fuck off commenting on women they don't know, eh?!

Seems like the headphones could be the way to go... it helps self consciousness to get lost in some music I'd suppose!

Maybe you bear a facial resemblance to some porn or Only Fans woman! 🤭

She needs to put me in for bloody shares then ! 😂

You’re not being unreasonable at all if this is your experience but it does seem weird to me! I don’t think a man has randomly come onto me ever in my life.