Starting to really dislike men..

[Whatshappeningg]

Name changed. Penis beaker, screaming at the michael angelo etc.

i'm 31, and really starting to dislike men, and I'm not sure if this is normal (I'm guessing not though..) or why this is the case.

I am still physically attracted to them. There isn't an issue there. I still have a sex drive. I still enjoy chatting in normal life situations with men.

I suppose I'm fed up of the attention, come on's, and just always feeling like they want something from me. I'm not particularly beautiful, genuinely, in fact I'm short, quite fat and don't wear a lot of make up. I've no idea why they would be attracted to me to be totally honest.

But for example, enquiring to buy something online, whether social media or otherwise, that someone is selling. The amount of times the man can't just do a transaction and leave it there, but must either start messaging afterwards, or, before I even collect the item then starts asking me out etc, is really starting to get on my nerves. Messages if someone happens to come across a post I've commented on, asking if I'm single and literally saying 'thought I'd try my luck'.

Seems you can't even use a local corner shop without the owners trying to be over-friendly, or eventually after chatter, making lewd and suggestive jokes, for example. Never happens in big supermarkets funnily enough, just seems to be where men are unconstrained by normal boundaries of society/watchful eyes.

Walking down the street in city centre, minding my own business, man starts walking beside me, says hello, starts asking about my day, and then drops 'I think you're absolutely stunning', in which case I told him I had a partner. He was gracious about it thankfully, and told me to have a wonderful day, I know plenty of men can be much worse with rejection. BUT I felt so embarrassed, I just want to mind my business and don't like the attention or public displays.

This isn't a goady 'look at the attention I get' - as I said, think size 18, 5ft 5, and a woman in my early thirties ffs. I have no idea how very beautiful women cope because they must get it every time they leave the bloody house & I feel for youse!!!

TBH most of the time I just think they're taking the piss because I'm a big girl, but honestly some of them definitely aren't, and I don't get it. I've always been a bigger girl and it seems like it's ramped the fuck up massively since I hit 30.

Is anyone else sick of it? Just men wanting something from you?

I think you could well be on to something to be honest. I suspect its stereotypes they hold.

pancake bum but an alright chest! I don't show it, ever. I cover it so they can't stare at my chest. A couple experiences of men talking to your chest does that to you. I'm only a D mind, which for my height and size, isn't actually that big. Not like women my size but with f's etc!

They mainly do it because they can and we can’t stop it without being rude. Because society expects women to be nice and friendly and accommodating to randoms who stop them in the street.

Men don’t usually do this (because why would they?) but women have been socialised from a young age to believe it’s “their job” to make men feel comfortable. So if a random comes up to them and starts commenting or chatting them up they will override their natural discomfort and tolerate the intrusion because “be kind”.

OP I think your appearance is a red herring here. Blokes will try this wherever they can: it’s a numbers game. And if you are polite or friendly they will allow themselves to believe they are in with a chance.

The trick is to stop tolerating it and shut it down. And yes you may get told you are grumpy but so what? Surely this is better than having to listen to someone banging on uninvited because it makes him feel better.

I have never really suffered from this: I have very average looks: passably attractive but absolutely special, but I just have never felt the urge to “be nice” to someone who is treating me like mental wank fodder.

You have a choice.

Honestly I agree, my feelings are it's not normal either, and beyond the common stereotype of 'bigger women must be easy', I honestly can't think what I'm giving off, but there MUST be something. Maybe it simply is down to the former. Can any other larger ladies 'weigh in' on this perhaps?

Men don't like me and try and take me down . One bloke said that I think
I'm better than everybody. I don't .

I don't smile make eye contact or flirt with men because I'm not interested . I've also been called a pushover and a bimbo by lots of them . I'm not . I'm quiet , independent and reserved with a miserable resting face .

I think this is the clue - they think I'm vulnerable and unhappy so think I'm an easy target. I'm most certainly not so I think when they get pushback this is when the trouble begins.

I just avoid men and only deal with them if I have to .

I do think maybe you look really friendly? I’m mid 30s, have massive resting bitch face, same height as you, size 12.

I'm sorry, but I'm not inviting this and DON'T have a choice, and am not to blame for their behaviour.

I'm not smiling politely whilst turning them down, or engaging in chatter (because I know exactly where the latter leads). Or trying to otherwise be polite or please them due to conditioning.

Whilst some of your post makes logical sense, I honestly cannot believe your line of 'you have a choice'. I'm clearly getting really fucking bothered by this, after an incident too many - I'm hardly going to be all sweetness and smiles when they do this.

I want to be left the fuck alone.

It hits their ego hard when you turn them down/refuse to engage.

I remember being offered a drink by what I can only describe as a mess of a man in his forties, when I was in the pub (under legal age admittedly, though can't have looked older than 19). I simply said 'No thank you, I have one'.

The tirade of utter SHIT I got as a result for this, and have on other occasions, makes me honestly fucking dread men approaching, even if it were in a friendly way, and I'm just not wanting to engage.

I think it's entitlement, and in your case they can't handle the lack of entitlement they obviously wield.

OP, I get it. I'm 50. I'm 5'3 and a size 12. I didn't hit every branch when I fell out of the ugly tree but I'm certainly not beautiful.

In the last couple of years, I had a 27 year old man comment on my 'amazing tits' and, last year, had two men in their 20s shout, "Fuck me, you're hot!" Plus a couple of blokes on the street who told me I was fuckng gorgeous. 🙄 those were the worst ones but by no means the only ones

I don't think anyone would mistake that for 'just being friendly'.

It happens less now than it used to but it still happens.

I don’t know whether I’m sad or happy that my ex-husband displayed most of the behaviour that women can’t stand before my Girls turned 14
So they’ve had a head start on anticipating their bullshit, reacting to it appropriately
And all, but one of them are single.
The one that’s closest to him is the one currently putting up with a load of shit on a daily basis luckily she’s young enough that it doesn’t have any actual impact on her life.

@Whatshappeningg

I’m absolutely not saying you are inviting it. And I don’t know you so obviously I don’t know how you come across. But am awful lot of us subconsciously feel we have to override our boundaries around this because it’s what we have been brought up with. You wouldn’t be unusual if you were doing this.

Poss you are just not signaling clearly enough to them that you want them to fuck off. You told the guy who approached you you had a partner: it’s kind of irrelevant. You don’t need a reason to not be interested in a random guy who chats you up.

Maybe you just need to be a lot more explicit about it.

I genuinely don’t think your appearance has anything to do with it either. Men pay far less attention to this than women give them credit.

It may be that you are not being forceful enough or it may be that you’re simply noticing it more than you did previously.

Maybe you need to work on your “fuck off” stance.

I get you. I'm blonde and petite with big boobs. I've been chased down the street, followed home, grabbed, cat called endlessly, and just plain had men staring at me like they were trying to use laser vision to blast me out of the universe!

I've found a baseball cap helps. It's harder for them if they can't catch your eye and you look less friendly in a cap. I'm older now so it's not so bad, but I still won't walk anywhere on my own without my trusty unfriendly baseball cap.

I actually don't think it's good advice to forcefully tell random men to fuck off. It's like a red rag to a bull to some of them.

Maybe you need to work on your “fuck off” stance

Maybe she has.

I have a 'fuck off stance'. It doesn't stop them. I will also actually tell them to fuck off but it doesn't stop the next one.

I've also developed a nice line in, "I'm old enough to be your mother. Now fuck off and try not to bother anyone else."

I doubt it stops them though.

If I don't feel it's safe to do that, I just ignore them.

If it could pass as a genuine compliment - eg I like your boots, I say thank you and carry on as I was. I'm not polite or fawning to these men. I don't give a shit what they think of me. They don't seem to have realised that yet though...

I actually don't think it's good advice to forcefully tell random men to fuck off. It's like a red rag to a bull to some of them.

I don’t mean you have to verbalise this. But there are many ways to signal this without saying it.

Looking right through them and pretending you don’t know they are there goes a long way.

There’s a good possibility is your living and working environment. Some places have become not nice. Some work, entertainment choices are like knocking shops. I worked in an environment like this, where the females were up for an affair, casual sex as much as the males. Once it was made plain that I wasn’t interested, that none of the males held a candle to my OH, that casual sex and comparing dicks wasn’t for me, I was left happily alone. None of them were happy people.

Nothing works when they're persistent

If I notice men staring at me, I tend to just stare back. Not in a coy, flirty, smiley, friendly way. Just match their gaze. They tend to say nothing and stop.

The number of men who've actually turned 'nasty' I could count on two fingers and then other men around stepped in. There have been a few who don't know how to respond and just leave you alone. Some try an insult or two.

Eh?

I don't think she was blaming the OP, she's saying she looks approachable, so these (awful) men think it's OK or 'safe' to behsve like this and that she's not about to tell them to fuck off.

OP herself has stated she doesn't wear make up etc. and the above poster is pointing out that it's nothing to do with looking attractive, it's to do with these men thinking she's approachable.

Don't let thaf stop you from jumping on people though, eh? 🙄

I agree with @GreyCarpet

A tiny proportion of men actually have the balls to do anything nasty or frightening to a woman who rejects them.

They frighten women because they get a thrill from it and nine times out of ten if confronted they will back down with a petty insult.

They are all mouth and no trousers.

I get why people don’t want to rattle their cage and I don’t blame people for not wanting to give them a mouthful of abuse. But we are more frightened of these men than we need to be.

They are not the men who are committing rapes and violence against women. It’s the people we live with who are doing this.

Im sorry this is happening to you. I don't get this I have to say.

If I go into a shop, the men are always professional.

No man has ever approached me on the street.

I guess we all have different experiences.

I do usually wear massive puffa jackets when I go out,

so no one can see any outline of my body. I think that helps.

Yeah, I hear you.

I have a side hustle which I promote on Insta - had a message from a potential client yesterday but had a weird vibe within about three messages.

Today he's messaged me three times just chatting and I've ignored him. I mean, why?! We don't know each other at all.

And now I can't provide the service for him because I'd feel unsafe.

Either they're deliberately making a woman going about her work uncomfortable or they genuinely believe I might somehow have become dickstruck immediately by the sheer brilliance of their messages.

Either way, get fucked.

I am reasonably attractive, not trying to brag, but that's what it is and I am not complaining. I was a lot more when I was younger to be fair, but still.

Anyway, I haven't got your experience AT ALL. Maybe I do have a better Bitch Resting Face 😂

I got more unsolicited attention before I got married, and after I started to actively avoid interactions - things like avoiding eye contact. directing eye gaze towards the chest rather than the face, taking out my phone if someone orients or moves towards me, as well as wearing my hair up and my glasses instead of contacts, trousers and flat shoes more than skirts.

God, it reads like a 17th primer on respectable womanhood - lower your gaze, no loose hair and modest dress. Ffs.

I’m not telling you that this is what you SHOULD do or victim blaming. They’re so fucking tiresome though. For me it feels with the payoff. Shouldn’t be necessary though.

You are on mn so def in the right place for men haters etc lol

If I go into a shop, the men are always professional.

IME, it tends to be smaller, independent grocer type shops than big stores.

IME, it's mostly the ones over the road from where I work because i go into those more frequently. I've had more than one man who worked there ask for my number, ask where I've parked that day because they hadn't seen my car on the road, ask me out!