Starting to really dislike men..

[Whatshappeningg]

Name changed. Penis beaker, screaming at the michael angelo etc.

i'm 31, and really starting to dislike men, and I'm not sure if this is normal (I'm guessing not though..) or why this is the case.

I am still physically attracted to them. There isn't an issue there. I still have a sex drive. I still enjoy chatting in normal life situations with men.

I suppose I'm fed up of the attention, come on's, and just always feeling like they want something from me. I'm not particularly beautiful, genuinely, in fact I'm short, quite fat and don't wear a lot of make up. I've no idea why they would be attracted to me to be totally honest.

But for example, enquiring to buy something online, whether social media or otherwise, that someone is selling. The amount of times the man can't just do a transaction and leave it there, but must either start messaging afterwards, or, before I even collect the item then starts asking me out etc, is really starting to get on my nerves. Messages if someone happens to come across a post I've commented on, asking if I'm single and literally saying 'thought I'd try my luck'.

Seems you can't even use a local corner shop without the owners trying to be over-friendly, or eventually after chatter, making lewd and suggestive jokes, for example. Never happens in big supermarkets funnily enough, just seems to be where men are unconstrained by normal boundaries of society/watchful eyes.

Walking down the street in city centre, minding my own business, man starts walking beside me, says hello, starts asking about my day, and then drops 'I think you're absolutely stunning', in which case I told him I had a partner. He was gracious about it thankfully, and told me to have a wonderful day, I know plenty of men can be much worse with rejection. BUT I felt so embarrassed, I just want to mind my business and don't like the attention or public displays.

This isn't a goady 'look at the attention I get' - as I said, think size 18, 5ft 5, and a woman in my early thirties ffs. I have no idea how very beautiful women cope because they must get it every time they leave the bloody house & I feel for youse!!!

TBH most of the time I just think they're taking the piss because I'm a big girl, but honestly some of them definitely aren't, and I don't get it. I've always been a bigger girl and it seems like it's ramped the fuck up massively since I hit 30.

Is anyone else sick of it? Just men wanting something from you?

I have massive boobs. If I wore anything that even showed the outline of my breasts when I was younger, I did get comments from men on the street.

I realise that I've evolved to wear massive puffa jackets when i go out and about now. As a form of protection.

I don't like men seeing the outline of my body.

Men never make comments to me now

I think someone’s alluded to it already but your weight may have a lot to do with it.

I was size 14 and 5ft 2 once and felt really big. So I can kind of imagine what size 18 and 5ft 5 looks like. Men will look at you and see an obviously “big girl” .

There is unfortunately a disgusting saying that “fat girls never say no” and there is also a tendency - depending on your body shape -to hypersexualise or even fetishize fat curvy women.

In my 20s I hated walking down the streets in some neighbourhoods when I was 12 stone, i was extremely curvy - the weight sat heavily on my butt and my chest. It felt like men had no respect for me. I felt a lot more respected once I lost 3 stone.

These men will see you as more likely to be receptive to their advances, possibly desperate for sex and tolerant of poor behaviour.

I've found the opposite.

I used to weigh 5 stone more than I do now. Nobody ever ever looked twice at me.

Now I'm a size 10 and it's totally different, even though I'm now 45.

I don't actually think it's useful to try to come up with 'reasons' as to why men are creeps. Some/many just are and what a waste of our time sitting around trying to parse the reasoning behind it.

As I’ve said upthread, yes- speaking from experience, I think this the bigger woman stereotype is partly it. I always believed I looked quite good, but I don’t believe I was any prettier when I was larger but yet there was a sharp uptick in the amount of men trying to hit on me at 12 stone vs 9 stone.

Not all women carry their weight in the same way. It really depends on the body shape of a large women. I carried my weight well in my 20s IMO. I was very curvy and I still had cheekbones and good facial definition although my face was rounded too.

Interestingly when I put on weight again over a decade later, I was more “potato shaped” fat in both my face and body and I didn’t attract the same level of attention as when I was “curvy” fat .

Sometimes it’s useful to know so we can choose to try and deter them tbh. We shouldn’t have to of course, but I know when I was getting a lot of men hitting on me I was just sick of it and wanted it to stop. And short of changing society the only thing I could do was make whatever (reasonable)changes I could.

To be clear, I wanted to lose weight for myself primarily but it didn't hurt that men seemed less confident to approach me the smaller I got. I found the quality of men improved though.

Guys - how did a thread about men being pervs become a thread about what we weigh.

C'mon.

Either they're deliberately making a woman going about her work uncomfortable or they genuinely believe I might somehow have become dickstruck immediately by the sheer brilliance of their messages.

I honestly think it's the latter.

They would absolutely love it if a random woman messaged them in that way so it just doesn't occur to the men who do that that we don't feel the same.

I've actually had men give me this reason for doing it. They think we're just 'ungrateful' and it feeds into their idea that women get so much attention from men we take it for granted.

you're obviously new. I don't see it as much now (maybe because the site is so big that it doesn't matter whether you are a new poster or not) but people used to do the little 'name changed but ...' intro spiel CONSTANTLY a few years ago. It was very much a MN 'thing'.

to OP - what is it you actually want? Is it not to get as many unwanted interactions? In which case I agree headphones in and looking down/walking fast when out and about is the way to go, as well as actively dialling down any friendliness when you are picking stuff up. You obviously don't consider yourself to be flirting and are just interacting the way you would with anyone else, including a woman, but some men have a weird way of interpreting any attention as = she fancies me.

If it's to understand why some women get so much attention and others don't, I've no idea but I agree it's not as simple as better looking = more attention.

I don't actually think it's useful to try to come up with 'reasons' as to why men are creeps. Some/many just are and what a waste of our time sitting around trying to parse the reasoning behind it.

This. Because it invariable comes down to being the women's fault as shown on this thread.

From seeing it when it isn't there; to body size/shape; to whether we've perfected our resting bitch face or not...

Men need women far more than women need men.
Very broadly speaking men have been able to dominate because they've been successful in manipulating women into working for them for free, we have facilitated their lives and their well-being rather than focus on ourselves like they do.

Exactly. Am I fuck scuttling about looking down scowling with headphones on silent lest a man interact with me.

This thread is MADDENING me.

I'm not a stunner at all but this happens to me as well and I find it so disgusting. The kebab man at my favourite Turkish local hit on me and I invented a boyfriend. Now he asks about my boyfriend whilst I wait for my single portion of chicken shish takeaway.

Another guy kept following me to Tesco's, said 'i do anything you want' and I said 'no, you don't. I already asked you to leave me alone and you still follow me'. As he was a neighbour I kept bumping into him. It was awful. I felt like my home is tainted as I started to worry meeting him whenever I left the house.

I am mostly annoyed with men at work though. There isn't the sexual stuff, but all the sexism and typical male behaviours that seem to get rewarded. The women's network is now trying to help woman become more outspoken and what not so they can have the same career opportunities. I find it so disgusting. The women aren't shy or meek, they are just decent and not pushy. Why should they change.

If you hate men have you tried women.
Just saying.

Men are strongly motivated to try and capture and dominate a woman. If they succeed in this they have a servant who will facilitate their lives and also the admiration of other men. Ie other men will admire their ability to capture and dominate women.
This is why they are always trying their luck.

I'm 60, 5'1 and have always been on the large side. I didn't exactly find my way to the front of the queue for beauty, but I've aged into my looks and age has made me less worried about the impression I'm making. And guess what. . .I still get the occasional CF trying to smarm his way into my attentions! There's one in particular who tried to bother me when I walked into town and at a local cafe; I'd like to think my RBF put him off, but he's also seen me around with my DH and as much as I deplore the idea (DH is gentle and non-competitive) I think that might have done the trick.

Problem is even having a resting bitch face often doesn't put them off...and sometimes even being a bitch doesn't either!

My Facebook spam inbox is full of men I've openly disagreed with online - ironically usually about some misogynist/Andrew Tate shit. They call me a 304, lambast my makeup, accuse me of being promiscuous, and question my parentage, yet they still end up messaging me to say 'Hello beautiful...'

Like seriously - I wish men in general would just disappear.

These does seem an above average level of attention. I'd say there are various possibilities. You may be a lot better looking than you think. Your life make take you more into the path of these type of men (there are definitely regional variations and even areas within regions where this happens more). You may have a look of harmless vulnerability about you, perhaps with very soft features that look unthreatening. What to do about it, I don't know other than keep giving the firm rejections.

Nope this never happens to me so don’t relate at all.

it's actually a interesting point. As I said, I haven't got the same experience as the OP AT ALL, and I am reasonably attractive. I also don't give a monkey what people think, so I wear shorts or dresses if I feel like it. Do I believe I would meet more male rudeness and unwanted attention if I was bigger? I don't really think so, but maybe?

WHY are some women the victims more than others? Genuine question, why is that?

I read about women on here having problems with suppliers, taxi tradesmen, plumbers and so on, to the point of never wanting any in their own home. I have never had one issue ever? My only complaint about any of them ever is to have them turn up on time and finish the work on schedule.

I am not sure how that would stop unwanted male attention to be honest...

All of the apologists need to go to their nearest high school when the younger girls are getting out. You'll find the same behaviour towards children. Often more covert, but definitely sexual harrasment. Watch, even old men as the underage teen girl is getting off the bus/train, wearing shorts/crop top.
It would be really interesting to know were those that haven't experienced it, live or travel around. What the excuse makers aren't getting is that why should a woman/girl have to argue her way through the day, just going about her business. There was a thread recently praising teen boys and what I have noticed is that they stick up for the girls, they don't shy away from calling a nonce, a nonce. I don't see all the lovely men, that posters say they have around them, stepping in, to tell the 40-60 year old letch that he should be keeping his mouth shut towards girls/young women.

it's interesting that you call people who haven't had the same experience "apologists, excuse makers.."

I haven't experienced it, how do you translate this as me making an apology for anyone?
You are very obviously biases and have one agenda in your head only.

It would be really interesting to know were those that haven't experienced it, live or travel around.
I live in greater London, work in central London, travelled and still travel a bit everywhere like most people. I dress conservatively in Dubai, not so conservatively anywhere else. Does that help?

I don't see all the lovely men, that posters say they have around them,
My kids have male teachers, male sport coaches, I have male friends, my kids go on sleepovers or camping trips. On what planet do you think I would let them take care or be around my girls (or my boys even) if I thought for a minute they were the pervs you seem to think ALL the men are?

@TooManyChristmasCards you haven't really said were you travel around. Harrasment isn't allowed in Dubai, why you felt the need to mention conservative dress, I'm not sure on. Unless you wear a head covering?
There have been apologists and excuse makers on this thread, I'm unsure why you are taking things so personally or are so defensive?
You've completely missed the point about men behaving inappropriately if they can get away with it. It had nothing to do with in schools/sports clubs. How old are your DD's? Sit away from them from the age of 12 and you'll see the pervy behaviour. I can't comment on central London because it's a different vibe from other cities.

I'm not clear how much of what's been said on this thread relates to men's behaviour, but there's plenty for us little ladies to work on!

Be fatter
Be skinnier
Be less friendly
Wear headphones
Look less approachable
Look less vulnerable
Work on your resting bitch face
Travel less
Travel more

I can't comment on central London because it's a different vibe from other cities.

😂😂

brilliant.