Starting to really dislike men..

[Whatshappeningg]

Name changed. Penis beaker, screaming at the michael angelo etc.

i'm 31, and really starting to dislike men, and I'm not sure if this is normal (I'm guessing not though..) or why this is the case.

I am still physically attracted to them. There isn't an issue there. I still have a sex drive. I still enjoy chatting in normal life situations with men.

I suppose I'm fed up of the attention, come on's, and just always feeling like they want something from me. I'm not particularly beautiful, genuinely, in fact I'm short, quite fat and don't wear a lot of make up. I've no idea why they would be attracted to me to be totally honest.

But for example, enquiring to buy something online, whether social media or otherwise, that someone is selling. The amount of times the man can't just do a transaction and leave it there, but must either start messaging afterwards, or, before I even collect the item then starts asking me out etc, is really starting to get on my nerves. Messages if someone happens to come across a post I've commented on, asking if I'm single and literally saying 'thought I'd try my luck'.

Seems you can't even use a local corner shop without the owners trying to be over-friendly, or eventually after chatter, making lewd and suggestive jokes, for example. Never happens in big supermarkets funnily enough, just seems to be where men are unconstrained by normal boundaries of society/watchful eyes.

Walking down the street in city centre, minding my own business, man starts walking beside me, says hello, starts asking about my day, and then drops 'I think you're absolutely stunning', in which case I told him I had a partner. He was gracious about it thankfully, and told me to have a wonderful day, I know plenty of men can be much worse with rejection. BUT I felt so embarrassed, I just want to mind my business and don't like the attention or public displays.

This isn't a goady 'look at the attention I get' - as I said, think size 18, 5ft 5, and a woman in my early thirties ffs. I have no idea how very beautiful women cope because they must get it every time they leave the bloody house & I feel for youse!!!

TBH most of the time I just think they're taking the piss because I'm a big girl, but honestly some of them definitely aren't, and I don't get it. I've always been a bigger girl and it seems like it's ramped the fuck up massively since I hit 30.

Is anyone else sick of it? Just men wanting something from you?

You must be looking at them to percieve they're staring at you.
Are you sending subconscious messages?

What?
We're ALL sending subconscious messages?
Hmm, don't think so.....

I had this when I was younger...it was awful. I literally had a guy shout out to me in busy town that I was beautiful. Luckily with age and having loads of kids I've perfected my middle aged witch/frump look so well if I do get the glad eye its a shock or if my daughter is with me they look at her. Id happily never get eyed up again, doesn't mean I don't want to be attractive I just can't be doing with it

I went through phases of this, where I felt like I couldn’t leave the house without being harassed ( I was typically good looking, slim and blonde) It has become easier now I’m older and it happens much less. I used to always think I can’t wait to be old so men don’t look at me anymore!
I started getting quite aggressive with men if they approached me and probably turned down some really lovely smart and attractive men over the years just because I was fed up with being hit on so I would just tell them to F off automatically.

Yeah. Your subconscious messages are really encouraging this unwanted attention.

Watch it! It’s all your fault.

I love a bit of flirting OP, wish I had your problem 😂

I didn't say we all were did I - but how does she know they're staring at her if she isn't looking at them

With some women it's a thing - I have work colleagues like this- sorry

Did you really mean to accuse a woman of 'asking for it'? To actually suggest that, in the absence of any of the usual reasons you might use to blame women for their own harassment, we can 'ask for it' telepathically and without being aware we are doing so?

Don't be ridiculous. You must know full well that by simply glancing round a room you can clock a person staring at you. You can see it in your peripheral vision too.

I am glad you say this as I must give total “fuck off” vibes.

I’m a fair bit older than the OP (46) but I’m not that unattractive and I get zero interest from anyone! Not that I’m particularly looking for it but it’s definitely a thing!

Or you haven't spent much time in places where men behave this way.
Women always look for reasons to do with themselves and each other for why they are or are not harassed. And while undoubtedly if you are a very young woman or child, have a certain body shape or are conventionally attractive or appear more vulnerable, it may happen more frequently, the biggest factor influencing whether you're harassed or not is the men you encounter. Because men are either the type to harass women or they arent. And if they are, they dont tend to put anywhere near as much thought into which women they choose as we give them 'credit' for. Provided they get attention, embarass, belittle, amuse themselves with a female person, the characteristics of the woman herself are often irrelevant.
It's really not about what we are like. it's all about what they are like.

You have colleagues sending subconscious messages?

How do you know exactly?

Hour glass figure, big lips (not botox), feminine looking. Strippers figure (not a models). Waist to hip ratio is what a lot of men pick up on. Something like 12% of women have an hourglass figure, it indicates fertility.

I didn’t mean this in a positive way- oh because of what I do I’m not harassed - I mean I don’t seem to receive any “good” attention either!

I’m sure all women will get harassed in certain situations/ places and there’s nothing we can do.

No, I know you didn't. I was just making the wider point that women don't need to look to themselves for the reasons, when the reason is the character of the men. We seem to spend a lot of time wondering if the harassment or lack of is due to our age, appearance, behaviour, rather than looking at what character flaws exist in the men who harass us. I suppose I'm saying rather than profile 'woman who gets harassed', we should profile 'man who harasses women'.

I think it’s the lack of confidence in yourself meaning you might look like easy pickings. Sorry I know that’s harsh but stand tall, stop thinking you’re not attractive (because clearly you are) and instead hold your head high and think “you can’t even remotely afford this”

It must be a perfect storm of where you live and your particular look. Where I live there isn’t a culture of chatting up women here there and everywhere, I’m in London.
are you in the ‘ we’re all so friendly’ north, where this kind of harassment is passed off as aimiability?

100% but also that type of man isn’t remotely attracted to me…why?
What is different about me and OP that she is receiving their attention?

Bland, bored face works. Don’t react. 🤷‍♀️

I would say that circumstances play some part, as in the level of exposure you get to such men.
My very beautiful young neice tells me she has never (yet) been harassed by a man. While I, in my 50s, still am. My neice works in a predominantly female environment and drives to work. I take public transport and work in an office surrounded by building work. I go on evenings out with female friends. My neice goes out pretty much only with her boyfriend. I run and walk along a main road at 8.30 in the morning, she doesn't. I'm confident, she's shy.
Although obviously as I said before, some characteristics of women act like cat nip, it can often just a numbers game, because my neice has all the characteristics, and i dont.

I don't ever feel like I get any attention from strange men whatsoever. I sometimes get dirty looks or the odd polite smile, but that's from both sexes. You must exude some kind of overwhelming sexual magnetism!

I daresay I did get wolf whistles a bit when I was young, but very very rarely got asked out by people in the street etc. and there was no social media back then. I guess that makes men more forward as they're hiding behind a screen.

It certainly must be very annoying.

The get all giggly when our good looking sales guy is in. Then spend days telling us they haven't behaved any differently.
Op did say she has a thing for smiling at strangers all the time. That's not normal is it (although not grounds for randoms to start grabbing your stuff). So she clocks someone staring and she smiles at them - doesn't exactly say leave me alone does it