Partner not wanting sex while I am pregnant

[Motherof1and2dogs]

Just wanted to see what everyone thinks about the above. My husband is fully aware I am writing this by the way, but I am curious to see what others think so we can sit down and read together your replies, either I need to respect his feelings or he needs to respect mine (by the way this is not an argument, we have been joking around about the situation but he is 100% serious) so he refuses to have sex with me as soon as I start to show my bump, he gets really freaked out about the thought of having sex when I am pregnant, I can kind of sympathise as it must be a bit strange, but how can we both go the next 6.5 months without sex 😫 I mean he seems fine with it but I'm not. I am not an addict in anyway, but I think at least 1-2 times a month is healthy for your relationship. I do think it will affect me not being able to do it for such a long time in terms of self esteem as well as the emotional side of it, and then when baby is here it will probably be even longer after that!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Should I respect how he feels and just deal with it? Should he just build up the courage and have sex with me while pregnant? Sorry for so much information but just interested to see what people say, maybe some comments may help me or him with the situation. Thanks in advance! :)

Well I think if it was you who didn’t want it and your husband expected you to suck it up and do it anyway you would be told to LTB and it’s completely wrong for him to expect that from you!

He has a right to refuse sex for any reason and none

Lots of men find it a turn off I know my ex did

Yep, been in this position. Twice. There's nothing I can do, I can't disappear a bump! He's an anxious person so I'm not sure if that plays a role in his behaviour / thoughts? He was fine after birth but it's just hurtful during pregnancy and doesn't make me feel great about myself (even though I know it's not about how I look, it's the fact I'm carrying his baby).

No one should be having sex when they don't want to.

His prerogative, I’m afraid, same as it would be yours.

But it’s going to be hard. I was demented with horniness when pregnant.

It's not hard to sort yourself out though

Something is wrong with him.

What choice do you have but to "respect how he feels?"

My ex found pregnancy bumps a turn off.

We still had sex but it was usually from an angle where my bump wasn't centre of attention. And it wasn't as often. It's a weird time and both of you are free to do or not do what you want.

As long as he's aware you may not feel like it for quite a while after giving birth. What if it was another 6 months?

How would you feel at 8 months pregnant if you feel uncomfortable and really don’t want sex but was told to suck it up?
No one should have sex if they’re not comfortable with it, even men are allowed to say no!

Yes. Crap for you though.

Then it's another 6 months

I would say BOB will be your friend. Your hormones are really intense during your second trimester.

Oh I was with my first. Not so much with the second. We did it for as long as we could. I don't think it's an old wives' tale that it gets labour going.

What I would say is that while it IS his prerogative to say no, I hope he is prepared to fully accept when you no longer have a bump when your little one is here, that it is YOUR prerogative to say no because you don't feel healed enough/horny enough/energetic enough/attractive enough etc etc.

He might change his mind about doing it now if you're up for it if he knows that it could be well longer than 9 months without any nookie.

My H didn't want sex when I was pregnant. It destroyed my self esteem, I felt so utterly unattractive and rejected. It took me years to get it back.

My body was a temple and sex was completely off the table. Unbelievably not a single complaint. He was pretty happy after my postnatal check and normal service was resumed though!

Sounds like you’re suggesting emotional blackmail to get him to do it now

My husband was the same. It made me feel really sad. Baby is now 4 months old and he still refuses - says he can't cope with seeing my boobs out and treated as a food source. I've also put on weight which doesn't help. And we're both exhausted.

But I just don't know when we're going to have sex again at this point. I'm hoping to breastfeed for at least a year, maybe 2.

Things are different between us and we're a little irritable and not close in a way I think is due to the lack of sex, at least as a small part (I know, sleep deprivation doesn't help).

I wish he'd been able to at least try fooling around or something. Doesn't have to be PIV.

Bah,I'm sad now

My theory is that men who don’t want sex when their partner is pregnant, are the same men who don’t want their partners breastfeeding. It’s misogynistic as they won’t accept a woman’s body changing.

Nobody can help their feelings about something as visceral as sex. I suspect it’s less about physical changes and more about it feeling weird about a third person being literally present. It certainly was for me - and I was the pregnant one.

@BIossomtoes that is exactly why he feels uncomfortable doing it, he feels he will be touching the baby while having sex. I totally get where he is coming from and why he would be freaked out by it, just going to be a struggle for me 😫 he will have to just make up for it with lots of back massages instead as it's the physical touch I will miss!

If a person doesn't want sex, for any reason or none, that is their prerogative. Full stop. No one should ever have sex out of obligation or have to justify their lack of wish to do it.