Partner not wanting sex while I am pregnant

[Motherof1and2dogs]

Just wanted to see what everyone thinks about the above. My husband is fully aware I am writing this by the way, but I am curious to see what others think so we can sit down and read together your replies, either I need to respect his feelings or he needs to respect mine (by the way this is not an argument, we have been joking around about the situation but he is 100% serious) so he refuses to have sex with me as soon as I start to show my bump, he gets really freaked out about the thought of having sex when I am pregnant, I can kind of sympathise as it must be a bit strange, but how can we both go the next 6.5 months without sex 😫 I mean he seems fine with it but I'm not. I am not an addict in anyway, but I think at least 1-2 times a month is healthy for your relationship. I do think it will affect me not being able to do it for such a long time in terms of self esteem as well as the emotional side of it, and then when baby is here it will probably be even longer after that!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Should I respect how he feels and just deal with it? Should he just build up the courage and have sex with me while pregnant? Sorry for so much information but just interested to see what people say, maybe some comments may help me or him with the situation. Thanks in advance! :)

Sorry but I'm on his side. I found pregnancy and sex very weird no matter who told me it wasn't an issue.

It's not ideal for you but there could be something else that prevents him from getting the urge.

For something that is temporary it's not something I would rock the boat over and I would be raging if anybody tried to get my pregnant self to have sex when they didn't want to.

Pregnancy and young kids cause the sex drive absolute chaos to everyone, don't take it personally until you are back here when the kids have moved out!

Post Partum, you’re unlikely to want sex until you’re healed. And even then, you might want more time still. Is he ok with being patient? That could be a year or more no sex, how does he feel about that?
Your reasoning would be specifically medical, vs his preference.
Both should only have sex if you want to, but is he going to be nagging you when you’ve had baby?
Is he going to use this as an excuse for infidelity in the future?

Did you really expect a forum full of women to tell you that it's fine to pressure someone into having unwanted sex?

My DP was so worried he would touch the baby. I mean, his willy is well sized but not that big 😂😂😂
What I would say is, we had a miscarriage before DD and he was worried about causing a miscarriage again.
I'm 8 months pregnant and we have had sex 4 times in total. I personally want to punch him in the face most of the time so that would be why I don't want it 😂😂

@AshCrapp not pressure at all! I've been with him almost 10 years, married, we have another child, just wanted to see what people thought about the situation. Me and my husband have a brilliant relationship, this was purely done to see other people's opinions. Not forcing him at all to have sex, never would force him, I just wanted to know if he was overreacting or if it was common or vice versa. I've just told him if no sex then he can make up for it in foot and back massages as he still expects blow jobs which is fine 😄

I also pressed send before finishing this.
Could he have any worries about sex while pregnant?
I used to be really driven by sex, I felt if we didn't have sex he didn't love me, but I think some relationships stay in that cycle and some fall out and either break or develop further (couldn't tell you which way mine is going on that aspect)
I hope you get through this, pregnancy hormones also don't help the situation either

Obviously, he’ll be offering oral to you if he’s still expecting blow jobs?

Not at all true. My DH felt the same about sex during my pregnancy, and my hormones made me rampant so it was an incredibly frustrating experience! I had to rely on my own resources, but I do remember feeling quite hurt and rejected.

Someone who does not want sex shouldn't have it: that's a very clear boundary. I breastfed for 18 months and he was completely supportive and admiring of that -
not to mention unphased by the fact that the big 'O' not infrequently made me spurt milk!

Sorry if that's TMI. But my point is that it's not necessary misogyny that makes some men respond like this, nor is it necessarily a rejection of you or your changing body. By my understanding it's not uncommon.

Conversely my husband won't leave me alone, I'm 8m pregnant...I'd just love a conversation without him looking at my boobs 🥴

I like to think there's a middle ground somewhere we could both be happy!

He doesn't have to make up for anything, just as you wouldn't have to, were the situation reversed.
MN is rife with double standards. How very dare a MAN not wish to penetrate someone for his own reasons?!

Mine was like this. Was so blady frustrating. I've got the sex drive of a teenager. 3 weeks after c-section I finally got a good session. But to be fair he's enormous and was petrified of squashing the baby. I can't be on top because he's too broad and he was worried about Doggy style. To be fair he's a paranoid father and worries so much it's comical 😂. The baby's head went back and I see him googling "broken neck symptoms in newborns" 😂😂😂. Baring in mind, baby was banging her head on my chest trying to find a nipple

In my fist pregnancy it was me who didn’t want to have sex. I found the entire idea of it hugely off putting and wasn’t interested at all. My husband was so respectful of that and completely understood that it just wasn’t what I wanted. I worried about the long term implications of it, especially as it took a few months after our baby was born before my sex drive returned. But it did return and we got back to our usual good place with sex and I was so glad that he had really followed my lead on what I was comfortable with.

I think it’s important to keep lines of communication open, as you have been. If he isn’t comfortable with sex right now then he shouldn’t feel at all pressured into it, but discuss in a non-pressured way whether there are compromises to be had. If he doesn’t want penetrative sex would he still feel comfortable with other things? If he isn’t comfortable with any of it are there ways you can share physical intimacy in a non-sexual way so that you still feel connected and maintain your bond? E.g. massage / cuddles / etc.

There is no right or wrong approach, just the one you decide together works best for you.

What if he doesn't want to massage you?

You're gross.

What are you talking about?

I had sex with my husband once during my first pregnancy and currently pregnant with number 2 and it's been once so far here (about to enter my 3rd trimester). Both times were not long after the 20 week scan - with my first he said not again (and I wasn't bothered!), with this one we will see haha.

He says this now but see if he's still saying it in a few months 😉

I felt sick at the idea of sex while pregnant both times. It seemed an utterly revoluting thing to do.

The midwife told me to have sex when both babies were overdue, it was grim.

Wrong. My H was very supportive of me exclusive and then extended BF. Just not sex while I was pregnant.

OP my DH was not sure how he would feel having sex while I was pregnant.

I am currently 6 months pregnant and we have been having sex although a lot less than normal due to morning sickness and generally not feeling it. He has not felt baby kick yet during it so I have a feeling when that happens we might stop.

You might find your DH changes his mind or it becomes a non issue due to multiple other factors ie sickness, doctors orders etc.

Personally I would just see how things go as my bump has only really became prominent in the last week so again there are lots of variables.

I've just entered trimester 3 of my first pregnancy and we haven't done it once!

We were both a bit worried about affecting anything early on and I've felt so bone crunchingly tired almost the whole time, and nauseous for the first trimester, that it's one of the last things I've felt like doing. Neither of us has a massive sex drive anyway. I'll do bits for him if he's up for it

There has been no pressure on me to try and summon up the will to do anything

When my partner was pregnant the first time I was worried about having sex. Although logically I knew the risk was incredibly tiny, I couldn't help but worry that I could accidentally cause harm. And it only takes a thought like that to pour a bucket of cold water over your libido.

Is it just Penis In Vagina sex that he has an issue with, or is he reticent about any variation of sexual contact? This could be an opportunity to be imaginative about different ways to have sex.

I'd expect you to be a lot less interested in sex after the birth than before, so I'd be sure that your husband is aware he'll likely be waiting a lot longer than until birth to have sex again, if he chooses to refrain now.

He still expects blow jobs did I read that right?

Presumably he doesn't expect them if OP doesn't want to give them