It's a bloody dog!

[MammaKel]

Ugh, I didn't realise how batshit crazy people were about their "furbabies."

We went to a family gathering yesterday where SIL and BIL and their DDog were - they don't have kids, and DDog is their baby but omg.

I could get past the calling each other mummy and daddy, calling my in laws grandma and grandpa and telling my kids he was their fur cousin and showing us pictures of taking him to see " Santa Paws" but there were two instances that genuinely made me cringe a bit ..

We were exchanging gifts, and they asked me where DDogs were, I laughed because I thought they were joking, but nope, totally serious and was upset he'd be left out, so I apologised (for some reason) and moved on very quickly..

The next one was that the dog was getting a bit agitated, and they said he was tired and getting a bit cranky, so they were leaving so he could have a nap..

I'm mostly being light-hearted, and I'm an animal lover (have 4 cats), but I just didn't realise how far it went AIBU or is this just the norm now?

Other people can’t make you feel bad!!! That is just ridiculous.

This

My cats are very loved and I count myself as their fur parent.

I don't expect anyone else to see it the same way. When I go to the vet, they are very serious these days about pets - they call out Tim Flowers please - or 'the parent of'.

I admit to winding say a brother up when he asks how we all are; 'your fur nieces are sleeping in front of the fire'.

There was a post on here where someone posed the 'burning building' scenario, except the choices were your own elderly relative or a stranger's child. People picking their own relative were called psychopaths too.

I hate those hypothetical scenarios... they add fuck all to a discussion apart from a way to call people names and air chair diagnose psychopathy.
In the scenario, where are the parents of the kid? Why is my dog and their kid alone in a building? Why would I be aware of their kid? Where is the fire brigade?
You should wait for the professionals to show up, and not go back into a burning building. I would most likely have to be restrained to stop me going in after my dog..... a stranger's kid? Not a chance. The parents can go in.

Ok, since we're getting more detailed with this thought experiment, who would you expect the firefighters to save if they could only save one - your dog or a child?

They would not be asking anyone to make that choice for them.

I mean, it doesn’t really matter what everyone refers to themselves as or how they view their pet. Some adore pets, some don’t.

I’m my dogs parent as I look after him like he’s a family member, because he is. If push came to shove & I had to save my DD or my dog then I would choose my dd but he would be next above anyone else.

My dog is hugely important to me & how I interact with him is my choice & I don’t care whether others think this is acceptable or not!

And that’s dysfunctional.

”That’s their beloved pet” is a healthy expression of the relationship, one filed with love and warmth.

“Their baby” is using an animal as an emotional crutch to fill a gap. Pets deserve care for the animals they are, not the children they can never be.

The ones who as “babies” are often spoilt rotten with terrible behaviour because they haven’t been reared as dogs with a place down the pecking order and expected to be under their owners control.

This is a long and quite detailed answer that makes no sense.

If a child and dog are both in peril you devote any time, reasoning and effort to saving the child. Whether that’s calling for help, swimming to them, using a float or stick, braving a fire, whatever. The dog - whoever’s it is - doesn’t come into it. It’s just a dog.

As for fire fighters not being asked to make the choice (a different poster), too right. They’d obviously concentrate on people. I very much doubt a dog would be given any priority at all by the fire brigade unless it was the only thing at any risk. That would go for the police, RNLI, coast guard, etc too.

Nah, a couple of the responses of this question have been quite reasonable regarding emergencies and fight, flight or freeze. We don't actually know how to answer those questions, and consideration does need to be taken for that

As a massive animal lover, rescuer of dogs and an ethical vegan, if someone said to me that if my dog didn't die a stranger's child would, I'd choose to save the stranger's child. My reasoning behind this is that I could never imagine causing unimaginable pain to a set of parents. I would never forgive myself if I chose my dog to save my feelings. I also don't think all human life is more precious than my dog's life. Change that child to a paedo, murderer, rapist or animal abuser and the outcome is different.

This is where an emergency might change things - If my dog got off the leash and was running down the road, and I saw a car hurtling towards him, if in the same moment a child managed to break free from their parent and was a target for the car speeding down the road, I might not even notice said child, and even if I did I probably wouldn't process it and change my actions to save my dog.

It's a ridiculous hypothetical question, but if I was able to rationalise, then stranger's child wins everytime.

"..The next one was that the dog was getting a bit agitated, and they said he was tired and getting a bit cranky, so they were leaving so he could have a nap.."
That usually means the dog "needs" to go out for a walk! Our DDog is part of the family, and we wouldn't be without him, but definitely NOT a child replacement. I find behaviour like that irritating, and am always reminded of the Fawlty Towers episode with the lap-dog.

That usually means the dog "needs" to go out for a walk!
Absolutely. I’ve never encountered a dog that needed an enforced nap 😄

I'm guessing you don't know much about dogs. They definitely can need enforced down time, particularly your working breeds. You can over-exercise dogs, it's so important that they learn to settle. Some dogs (especially if a young dog and active breed) struggle to settle in a busy environment. Yes you can train it, but it's not easy and takes a long time. An overtired young dog can be a real pest, basically like an overtired toddler. So it's definitely easier all round just to take the dog home for a rest.

Yes, I would definitely consider getting another pet from a rehoming charity as there are so many needing homes. Good for you @MammaKel taking a day off when your little one was PTS - unless unconscious, they know you are there and will get some comfort from having their people with them. A vet said to me they are always very sorry when people say they can't bear to be in the room and watch them go because it's about the pet and the pet's comfort, not about the owner. I've had to cuddle a little one as they slip under and then take their final breath on too many occasions, but heartbreaking as it is for me, it's the final act of love I can give them.

As for pet bereavement leave, if the company doesn't offer it they should at least allow an emergency day's leave.

Well maybe a little, because for me it bespeaks some kind of mental illness. What's going to happen to them when it dies?

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod the people I saw most in love with their dog was my parents. They are both very maternal/paternal. Once their grandkids had grown up they were both a bit lost. A dog filled that need. The dog had a lovely life. They were both very upset when he died.

And thinking about it, most people I see treating animals this way are naturally very maternal/paternal. A friend loves kids, loved playing with her children, was a totally devoted mother. Her children are all young adults busy with their own lives, and she now lavishes love on her dog from a rescue. When grandchildren come along she will be an amazing grandmother, but until then her dog is filling a need.

They will grieve. Is this a new concept to you?

Well of course, yes, I meant more that to most people, losing a child would likely be the most highly traumatic thing they could imagine living through, yet these people are willing that level of pain on themselves by this extreme attachment.

As a person who lost 3 dogs in 6 years, and I have to just put it out there that it wasn't irresponsibility, I grieved each and every one of them, and it was painful, and I never said once it was like losing a child. Not ever. I was toying with getting a fourth rescue, and we did.

I'll still cry when he goes, and I wouldn't compare it to losing a child.

Where is your perverted mind going to if you think owners of dogs think their pain is comparable with a parent who has lost their child?

I don't think 'owners of dogs' think that and I didn't say it, either.

I think these people, by humanising their dog to this extreme, risk feeling that way.

I hope my posts are clear to the majority of people who read them, anyway. I'm going to step away now...

No, you just basically said that people who love their animals are mentally ill. Choose your words more carefully in future.

What presents did the DDog give you?

Sorry, but when you wrote that you 'get a present from her to the rest of us' 🙀and then state 'that way madness lies' it very much sounds to me like the men in yellow coats might be already knocking on your door?! 🙄😱

I think maybe you have a problem with perception and what people actually mean when they say things?! 🙄
The poster did not imply that all people who love their animals are 'mentally ill', only those who don't seem to have grasped or accepted the fact that a dog or cat is NOT a human child and for several important reasons needs to be treated with respect, as an animal.
Personally I think it sounds immature to talk of 'fur babies' etc., and as for using 'familial terms' for them and buying presents for the family on their behalf, well, that definitely would set alarm bells ringing on the sanity stakes for me! 😱

I wrote the tag of one of DDs presents from our family pet. Not a dog, we recently lost her, and while I didn't treat her like a baby, there's a hole in my heart that will never fully heal. I know this because I'm still grieving the dog we lost 9 years ago as well. It's the same grief process as a family member.

But back to the point. This particular animal needs a lot of work to bond with new people, we've had him for 12 years so he pre-dates DD. She's a little wary of him. So I wrote the tag from him as a way to try and help her with bonding. And it made us happy to see her on the morning go "it's from him!!" with proper magic in her eyes.

Sometimes it's just a bit of fun. Foreign concept?