DH is a Freemason and it makes me cringe

[YerJokin]

He takes it so seriously. He's always gone through hobby phases but he's done this for years now and takes it very seriously. He's currently on the phone discussing 'Bretheryn' and it gives me the major ick, I actually want to cry listening to it.

I've tried to stand by him as he takes it so seriously so i attend events and smile encouragingly but I can't bear it. Never knew when I married him that he wanted to do this. It's not the worst thing he could do of course but it's an old boys club and we're only in our 30s!

He has lots of friends and other hobbies so it's not even his only social outlet, no idea why he needs this in his life and treats it like a second job.

Plus using ‘but we give loads to charity as a cover’

From their own finance records 80% of what they make goes straight back into their own support network for Masonic schools, care home or own Masonic people.

My FIL is a member and his involvement is not remotely like a lot of people on here are saying! Not sure if people imagine men with mysterious rule books in secret meeting rooms wearing robes and doing rituals but it’s nowhere near that exciting.

It’s just a men’s friendship group. Yes, it’s invitation only so blokes can’t just rock up without knowing someone but that’s how they invite people they’ll get on with. It’s just a formal way of organising a meet up with some traditions that make it all seem a bit more interesting. There are some opportunities to network if that’s their thing, but other than that it really is just men going to socialise with other men, the same as women do. I think women gatekeep their friendship groups the same ways, hence the drama on here about people inviting tag-alongs or setting up secret WhatsApp groups. At least this isn’t mean-spirited exclusion.

I think they actually encourage people to think it’s got exciting things going on, e.g giving themselves rules, a code of secrecy and having roles and special titles. I suppose it’s human nature to like memberships, secret clubs and groups. Even kids are drawn towards making up codes and secret words. It’s daft for adults, yes, but they enjoy it. Nothing cult-like or misogynistic or marriage wrecking.

However, it would be ironic if I’ve fallen for the cover story and my FIL is secretly meeting with a group of ritualistic loons each week…

Also, what are these lodges? Are they hiring out a school hall, or are they actually owning lodges?

80% at least of the money goes straight back to look after members.
Its charity for themselves 🤣🤣

I agree with this, please stop being subsurvient OP!

Dp got asked to join some time ago and (truthfully) said I'd wave him if he considered doing something so misogynistic.

The person inviting him suggested he "buy me something shiny" to distract me.

It's hideous!

The one in Rochester is a big White building you can see just as you cross Rochester Bridge.
Very prominent building with a flag pole out the front

My late dad was a Mason and I thought it was great. I went to various events and the other Masons were a right laugh. And when my dad was ill, and after he died, they were a tower of strength.

I think it's healthy for men to have a male-bonding outlet. We are always reading about how men don't have friends to turn to like women do. The Masons was excellent for my dad's mental health, and it gave him a structure and friendship after my mum died.

The impression I got is that the people who attend are of good character and are generally good for one another. It's good that he's in his 30s - younger Masons are sorely needed.

But five nights a week and all his wages is too much. You could ask him to cut back a bit.

It's a wholesome pursuit. They're not out carousing with women, and being unfaithful is frowned upon. All of my dad's Masons were one-women men, if married.

There are also lodges for women, I believe, if you wanted to join in.

Wearing a little pinny, doing a secret handshake, rolling up one trouser leg....😂 all very unattractive!

The full quote which I heard an ex-member use was even worse, @MellersSmellers ...

"Trouser leg rolled up, knotted hanky on head, balls in a bowl of custard"

I don’t like the element of doing favours for each other. I’ve been told (credibly) that they’ve had significant influence in London Underground and the London Fire Brigade (they bought 2 of their aerial appliances - big ladders - which is a good thing but I do think it’s tainted money to be honest). Women can’t join so they can’t have access to that influence.

I looked at one as a potentially wedding venue (a side hustle for them?!) but it gave me the creeps.

I’m pretty sure you can give to charity and meet up with mates without dressing up in robes and excluding women and having a secret handshake
So the only conclusion is they love the robes and the excluding women

I think it's totally irrelevant how much charity work they do - it does not in anyway take away from the fact it's a sexist, racist and sectarianist organisation that's purpose is to promote and protect its members first and for all.
It's linked to corruption in the police and linked (in Scotland at least) to the orange order.
I'd be disgusted if I knew anyone who wa sa member and would stop knowing them pretty quickly!!

Masonry (at least the first Grand Lodge) dates from the 18th-c Enlightenment. (There are claims it goes back further). It originally was a society promoting Deism…God’s existence can be proven via reason and observation of nature, rather than revelation or religious teachings. They originally met in pubs, and then lodges. There is a Museum of Freemasonry in London if you want to learn more about it.

Some people like clubs. There used to be lots more that weren't focused on drink and sport.

Masons admit Catholics and women these days too.

I wouldn't be very clubbish myself nor have much time for it, and I wouldn't go to events unless I wanted to, but I don't see why you wouldn't let someone get on with it if they wanted to join in. If there's a problem with their specific associates or activities, by all means object. Otherwise I'd let him crack on and do my own thing. (And I'd expect the freedom to do my own thing!)

I suspect it varies and, AIUI, the lodge is the group rather than where they meet.

However they have some magnificent buildings.

https://www.ugle.org.uk/freemasons-hall

There's nothing you can't find out about it on line or in books.
I joined just under 40 years ago went four times and as a young man found it so fucking boring.

That's a very unfair and prejudiced view. My dad's Masons were nothing like that.

YABU. How would you feel if he was criticising your hobbies?

I’m sorry to say I think it’s one of the least sexy things a man could take up. Alongside morris dancing and wearing a g string: It renders them unfuckable.

So they subscribe and give 20% to charity, 80% to mutual benefit? Sounds okay. Obviously members should give within their means only.

Brethren is purely an old fashioned term for brotherhood, it is widely used in churches and fraternal organisations - as a word it's not sinister or worth crying over.

There are lodges for women too. It’s the boys’ network thing that is unappealing. It can (still) influence who gets appointed or promoted to a particular job, for example. They do own their own premises. It’s both ritualistic and hierarchical. They look after their own.

Most masonic lodges are rather grand buildings, often victorian - the one near us is a huge gothic pile.