To use the kids Christmas money to get me through January?

[darkmorning]

In a way I don’t know why I’m asking as I don’t have a choice really, but if the overall consensus is absolutely not I suppose I can use a credit card or something.

PIL gave both children £50 for their savings accounts. I’d have to put the cash in my bank account and transfer to their savings accounts: plan is to do this after I’ve been paid in January. Should I? Or is this just horrible?

Of course you should use their money if you are in dire straits ! They will benefit. No contest.

If its not being used and going in to an isa you're not taking anything from them if they're defo getting it back. If they'd been brought a gift though you wouldn't have had it so I'd probs try and get by without it and then say if u still needed it a week before payday then borrow so its a last resort. Ignore judgemental comments weve all had hard times despite earnings ESPECIALLY the 196579365 days we have to wait from December payday to Jan payday!!!!!!! and your income is noone else's business hope you and your family had a brilliant Christmas

Not sure why you’ve bothered to reply either, when it seems you haven’t read the thread

I never expected any inheritance from her, and had barely seen her in over a decade before she died however as technically her next of kin I was presented with a £4k bill for a funeral arranged by her boyfriend who refused to pay for it! I have not received anything from her after her death, not even the photos she had of me as a child!

So yes you are right an inheritance is a privilege not a right, but I didn’t receive a single thing from her, not even things of no monetary value that would be worthless to anyone else! I literally just got the bill!

My mother stole money from me as a child, and even stole money from my purse as an adult when I visited her!

There is a big difference from ‘helping someone out’ and them stealing and defrauding you of money that someone else had made as a result of a court order as a divorce settlement from my father for me.

You seem to be under the impression that somehow she was struggling financially, which is not the case… she would take what wasn’t hers because she could! She had several husbands and divorces, blew all of the divorce settlements on holidays and clothes and never once offered any help to me even when I was quite poor myself!

I worked part time and lived independently at the age of 16 while doing A levels and at University!

If you feel that she must have struggled as a single parent between husbands I highlight that she also received substantial maintenance payments from my father each month which more than covered the cost of my essentials, her bills etc…. so she didn’t struggle and was financially maintained!

I’d do it if I needed to and would feel the least amount of guilt ever.

needs must. At the end of the day, you’re looking after them.

I voted YANBU it’s fine for the stop gap and better to pay off the credit card debt as soon as possible as a priority over DC ISA assuming they are not about to turn 18 in next few months; well done paying off the first card

Yes it seems your situation is very differnt from "Darkmorning" and it is sad that you had such a mother.

Luckily in the UK there is no legal obligation to pay for next of kins funeral . I don't know where you live so maybe it is different.

Hi I’ve read most of your posts and I remember how tough it was when returning from maternity with the second child.

Two children with expensive childcare (probably cost the same as around 80% of my PT wage!) . I knew the situation was temporary so it was endured until at least one had 30 hours childcare - the free hours helped but it was still expensive with the 30 hours.
However my choices were to either carry on working to pay for childcare (the 80% income to childcare costs lasted approx 6 months) or quit my job and restart my career (from the bottom) when they are older - the disadvantages would be bringing them up in a single income family for the foreseeable future (poorer for the long term rather than 6 months) and when I do restart my career, I would have lost any competitive edge to my skills gained over the past decade. Therefore restart my career at a much later date, on a lower starting salary

During this really difficult period (until they both started school nursery at 4 years old), I made a decision to only save £10 a month each - sometimes none - and only put in the money they were gifted at Christmas and Birthdays. They were still getting hundreds for each birthday/Christmas so I didn’t feel the need to save as much from my wages

From your posts, you had already saved £100 (with your own wages) in December into their accounts . Due to the increased costs in December, if i were you, I wouldn’t have saved £100 this month.
if you decided not to save £100 for them this month, at least they had a £100 gift from PIL.
so technically you wouldn’t be taking money from the children, you just didn’t save any money from your wages.

i saved £10 per month for each child until they were both in school - so at least 2 years of minimal savings into a regular saver (which paid a better interest rate). Once I had more disposable income, it went up to £100 per child per month plus all their gifted money. I have a few months (joint income) saved. Got rid of all the debt accrued on SMP (who can realistically live on £136 a week with a baby and a 3 year old ?!)
sorry not to gloat, but letting you know it will be much easier later on and to only save what you can for now as you’ll be able to catch up with the savings when they’re at school.

Good luck but if you do take the money, see it as the money you saved into their account earlier this month rather than the gifted money. The true decision is whether or not you can or can’t save the usual £100 this month or next

How have we as a society got to this point where so many young families have been unable to afford basic expenses, yet thinking they must save money for their babies to spend as adults??? Back when I was young, we saved money from little jobs as a teenager, were grateful for a few £'00 at the end of A levels and got jobs for those of us lucky enough to go through uni. That isn't just me, that's most people. Very few people had money gifted to them; I remember 2 from wealthy families and 1 whose mum had died, everyone else had loans and jobs. Yet now a future 18 year old's beer money is being seen as a parental priority over paying for the bills and food today. It's utter madness. Where are people getting this idea from?

I agree 100% @GRex I have no idea where this idea has come from. Like you, I worked in a Saturday job, from 16, and before that I earned a few quid doing babysitting for neighbours or family. That money I used for clothes and eventually bought an old banger to use for work.

I worked through every holidays when I was at uni (shop work) and never had a penny from my family except a small amount as a birthday or Christmas gift. They had no money to spare. I never knew anyone whose parents put money away for them, other than millionaires perhaps who had 'trust funds' or similar.

I don't think it teaches kids many life lessons to be handed over a lump sum at 18.

I didn't get a penny from my parents either because we were poor and they did not have anything spare to save.

I think it's just because getting on the housing ladder is so much harder than it was a generation ago. I feel like my kids will need a helping hand if they are going to buy a house before they are 30, so I am saving for their deposits. I can afford to though, I wouldn't be doing it if I had credit card debt and was struggling to buy food and fuel.

That's a bad take, life is horrible expensive for young adults with tuition fees, housing costs, cost of living. Young people now drink way, way less so it's not going on beer. And working your way through uni still won't cover it, the interest on the fees starts accruing on day one. They leave uni with £50k debt.

We try to save for DC who are primary age and are attempting to pay off mortgage early so we can use income to help them. Intergenerational inequality is a real thing, it's not whinging.

However in your shoes op, I'd say your kids want food more than they want savings so do it. You could also have a frugal month, use those apps like too good to go and olio to save money, use up cupboard supplies etc.

It’s time of life though isn’t it - when your kids are little then you are also likely to have a bigger mortgage and childcare costs so less able to save but as they get older you have more flexibility to save. But going without now or getting into debt so that you can save for your children is short sighted

i had a friend who would put things on the credit card but save her child benefit into the kids accounts. I’m sure the kids would have preferred parents who weren’t constantly stressing about debt tbh

It's fine as long as you give it back- this happened to me all the time , but my gripe was I never reimbursed, definitely don't consider paying credit card interest instead.

But @Haroldwilson in 2023 only 35% of 18 year olds went into higher education. So most don't go to uni.

Tuition fees are repaid once you earn over a certain amount, as a form of tax, over many years. And yes, housing is expensive but it's also regional. The SE is the worst, but other parts of the UK are relatively cheap.
We helped our kids with house deposits when they were in their 30s, but that was money we'd saved and invested ourselves.

<shrug> my parents did it for me and I will do so for my children.

If you considered stealing your children's Christmas money and taking out yet another credit card despite you and your DH having good jobs, then you desperately need financial advice. You're living way beyond your means. Stop trying to live a lifestyle you can't afford.

Did what?

Saved. Why this thread is still ongoing I don’t know?

@darkmorning can you turn comments off?

I don’t think so - it will still be going in 2026 with heart wrenching tales of stolen money.

Maybe they could afford it? It doesn’t sound like you can.

OK. I’m still doing it.

@darkmorning I would use the money in a heartbeat. Some of the handwringing on here is ridiculous - it is a temporary thing at an expensive time of year!

Sorry for the confusion over my post

I was very fortunate that my DH’s income covered all the bills, mortgage, food, basic expenses and holidays so I didn’t save for my children in lieu of food or basic expenses

my part time wage covered the childcare, fun money for a baby and small child. As a mother with young children, it was important for our mental health to get out and about, socialise with other families and develop friendships that we need as we grow.

my oldest is 10 years old, my DH is earning a lot more than he did during the early years. I have more disposable income as 80% of my income can now go towards saving money instead of childcare. If I choose to save for my children as well, why should I not? we live in a different world where cost of living is ridiculously higher. most people in their 20’s are struggling to save up for a deposit so it would be a sensible idea to help them if we can afford to

id rather they use it when they are 18 and not spend it on children toys , gaming etc right now.

my family are from a culture of gifted money rather than toys. we are VERY lucky to receive hundreds (per person) three times a year ( birthdays , Christmas and new year) - we have generous siblings, parents, aunties, uncles and cousins - some who are extremely wealthy.

we are a blended cultural family so we also receive plenty of boxed gifts to open too. I think we are very fortunate to be able to save, live life and afford multiple holidays abroad a year. So no I’m not forfeiting the children’s basic expenses for the sake of saving for their future. I spend over £200 per week on the food shop (we host a fair bit so have plenty of food and drink stocked up), our home is on separate thermostats (with underfloor heating too) so we are well heated, we drive a large electric SUV, 4 bed home in a sought after area, after school activities easily costing £300 a month (been fortunate not to have to budget or tally up the actual cost). What is sickening is we spend £1000 per month on days out, restaurants and socialising. if we ever struggle, we could cut back on our leisure activities

there is the risk of them blowing it all on parties at 18 but raise them to make the right choices then hopefully they will. Otherwise I will see it as they would have wasted it on child toys anyway.
when I was uni, a lot of friend’s had the bank of mum and dad to rely on. I didn’t. I worked 20 hours a week at uni then full time during the summer.

If I was struggling with money then I 100% would not save for them and use it on basics instead