To use the kids Christmas money to get me through January?

[darkmorning]

In a way I don’t know why I’m asking as I don’t have a choice really, but if the overall consensus is absolutely not I suppose I can use a credit card or something.

PIL gave both children £50 for their savings accounts. I’d have to put the cash in my bank account and transfer to their savings accounts: plan is to do this after I’ve been paid in January. Should I? Or is this just horrible?

The trouble is, embedded in this and the credit card statememts are your own understanding that when you have access to any funds they will "get wasted and frittered". You don't want financial advice, but you absolutely need it or your poor financial decision-making will be a continual stress on life, which will affect your children too. You are never too old to learn effective money management habits, but the leas debt you are in when you start the easier it will be to see improvement in your quality of life. Wouldn't it be nice to make lunch without worrying if there is enough left to see you all through the weekend?

This. OP says that she spends all of her savings, so the only way she can be trusted is to put it into a child ISA, where it is locked away until their 18th birthday. But there is another way to lock away money if OP doesn’t trust herself not to touch it—any adult savings account that is NOT easy access. There are so many out there, and the money will belong to OP at the end, not her 18 year-old children. That means options—the parent has the choice whether to keep the money for themself, or to spend it on their kids. OP is locking all of her savings away for her kids, not for herself.

That was just spiteful @Mookie81 , and you know it was.

We really didn’t host a big Christmas at all. We had DHs parents; that’s it. But they did need some food and drink and so on.

I probably should have said more generally I need to fill the car with fuel to get through January, which I do. There is absolutely no way around this, even if I could get to work / nursery on public transport it would be so costly I wouldn’t save money, I’d lose it!

You're coming over as in denial and still not saying where your husband is in all of this financial mess.

Are you actually married?

Your posts sound as if you are single.

You hosted DH parents less than 3 days ago, the same parents who you now feel obliged to visit just one week later when you don't have money for food?

Use the money and pay back £55 each in January. Win bloody win. No need for permission from yourself or anyone else!

FGS this is £100 we are talking about for a month.

TBH the £100 is the tip of the iceberg.

There appear to be other more serious issues with her relationship and how they earn/ spend their money.

Where is her husband in all of this?

@TakeMeDancing what I’ve found in the past is that I’ve saved money and then something has happened: car needs expensive work or something like that, and then I’ve ended up dipping into it.

Just about every other poster has said (some more politely than others!) that they think paying into the children’s ISAs is misguided which is fair enough. However, I do want to continue doing so. I’m not envisioning that on their eighteenth birthdays they will go on a massive bender but I do realise it’s a possibility.

I am reluctant to give out more details because firstly my circumstances are a bit unique and therefore identifying. Secondly as many have deduced my marriage isn’t in a great place and so it’s doubly important I’m not identified. And thirdly … I just don’t want to. I don’t like it when MN pile on and tell you in essence how wrong you are, how everything you’ve ever done, are doing and will do is wrong, how they are right but you are wrong, how you’re saving is wrong, how you’re living life is wrong … even though I know about of it is nonsense and people just on a mission to wind up it can still be really upsetting and make you feel bad (the post I quoted before this one is a prime example!)

I am confident I’ll have cleared the credit card debt by Easter, May at the latest. I’ll also have more disposable income in September when one child starts school and the other can access thirty funded hours (she currently has fifteen but my childcare bill will reduce again.)
So by September I won’t have debt and I will have more money. Then I’ll be in a much better position.

Youve made it sound like something really awful @GRex and I’m not sure why! All that happened is that PIL came here for Christmas and we’re going there for new year where we’ll have a chance to see a few other family members; DHs aunts and uncles and his brother and their children. It’s hardly some sort of dark, sinister thing. But I was aware I’d need to put fuel in the car to get there and for the rest of the month, which I did yesterday. Why people are acting like if we didn’t go we’d be revelling in largesse I am not sure to be honest.

It most certainly does not ensure that money doesn't get wasted or frittered! It simply means that you wouldn't be the one doing the wasting and frittering.

Indeed. But it does at least ensure that they have something. Saving myself £100 a month isn’t quite the golden ticket many of you think that it is. It is a relatively small amount; £600 a year so will be around £11,000 by the time they are 18, although I actually hope it may be more by then.

I very much hope that they will be sensible and that they will allow me to retain control of it until they’ve left university and put it towards a home but I accept if they point blank refuse it’s their money.

It's not spiteful; you're being ridiculous.
4 credit cards, paying into savings when you have credit card debt with poor credit rating, hosting that you can't afford.
You are so blasé about it which is concerning.
I think OP's husband is unaware of her credit card debt which is why she doesn't want to involve him.

Exactly!

No, ‘poor kids’ was spiteful, and you know it was.

There is quite a substantial middle ground between golden ticket and having to scrabble around for petrol money, though. Part of the reason to have savings is specifically for things like the car needing work.

@darkmorning is your partner doing the driving to his parents?

You aren't taking inflation into account with any of this. Today's £11K won't be worth 11K when they are 18.

How is £100 a month £600 a year?

If you want to save and invest, there are many ways to do it that could give a better return. For example, Premium Bonds where there is a chance of winning something which is above the interest rate gain. Just shoving money (which you can't afford) into an ISA is not necessarily the best way.

You clearly need some proper financial advice across ALL your finances.

You talk about giving your kids a house deposit- but what about your own house? You say you don't have a mortgage. Do you own a house outright? or are you renting?

You need to be honest about your motives for these ISAs. It's all about being 'safe' money which you can't touch - because you have a problem with finances. Except now you are- you're withholding their money even if just short term.

You could have your own ISA and hand that over to your kids in time. But the reason you don't is you would be tempted to withdraw it.

I have the feeling your H is a bully, he disapproves of how you spend and you're dipping into the kids' money because you don't want him to know you can't buy food. OR he's unemployed and a complete waste of space and equally bad at budgeting.

I know you don't want to explain but your marriage is at the root of all of this - that's what needs sorting.

Indeed, but I’m not currently in a position to build those up. If I decided not to save for the children I would be putting additional money into clearing the credit card debt which wouldn’t make a massive difference so the way I see it is they might as well have it and it is important to me. I get it isn’t what you’d personally do which is fine.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld yes probably

If I decided not to save for the children I would be putting additional money into clearing the credit card debt which wouldn’t make a massive difference so the way I see it is they might as well have it and it is important to me.

I feel we're banging our heads against a brick wall.

ALL financial advice is CLEAR DEBTS FIRST.

Don't you 'get' that you're paying interest every single month on your CC debt?
That is money down the drain.

Honestly, if you won't listen to basic financial advice, but make decisions based on your emotions (what makes you happy) , it's pointless .

I’d do it if I was desperate and wouldn’t think anything of it. Then next year put £50 or whatever per month away for Christmas.

Well no, you are in a position to build them up. Putting the full £100 a month into credit card debt over an emergency pot is a choice. There's a sensible discussion to be had over how much to prioritise paying down your debt vs building up your emergency pot, as distinct from putting the money in the kids savings which isn't sensible at all. But it's a choice you have, if you want.

Yes, @BetsyBrowny , you are.

Because I DON’T WANT ANY FINANCIAL ADVICE!

Sorry for shouting but you’ve insisted on giving it even though I’ve said I don’t want it and then got annoyed and frustrated because I’m not taking advice I don’t want in the first place.

I am going to very frustratingly do my own thing, what is right to me according to my own priorities, morals and values and also given that I know my own individual circumstances.

We get it, OP. You don’t want financial advice. Perhaps someone in the following situation does, however, need financial advice:

• paying down 3 CCs
• can’t be trusted not to fritter away easy access savings accounts
• questions whether they should dip into DC Xmas money to make it to next payday
• no way to fund “emergency car repairs”
• not able to “roll with the punches” when there’s an expensive month, eg, Christmas