To use the kids Christmas money to get me through January?

[darkmorning]

In a way I don’t know why I’m asking as I don’t have a choice really, but if the overall consensus is absolutely not I suppose I can use a credit card or something.

PIL gave both children £50 for their savings accounts. I’d have to put the cash in my bank account and transfer to their savings accounts: plan is to do this after I’ve been paid in January. Should I? Or is this just horrible?

Things will be get easier when the children go to school, then you can save more money for them, and it will get better.

Ah, thanks. Missed that. 👍

OP…put your own oxygen mask on first. Sounds like you’re not in a position right now to regularly fund ISAs.

But people would help. If she admitted she's financially abused and wants to find a way to leave then people would help. If he's stopping her working then she'd get support with that too. Just burying her head in the sand and probably thinks she'd doing right by her kids by staying is not good. No one ever does right by their kids by staying in an abusive or controlling situation.

I really recommend reading The Barefoot Investor. It gives really practical and simple steps for getting control of your finances and building up savings.

You can take this as your moment to turn things around so you will never be in this situation again!

You divide your money into “buckets” . First priority is saving up a buffer of emergency money, then paying off your credit card debts. You could put the savings in an online bank without a debit card so that they are less easily accessible.

You really need to build your own savings before making savings for your kids. It’s no good them having money when they’re 18 if you’re leaving yourself unable to
put food on the table for them today. If you have already put money in their account this month then keep the equivalent from the Christmas money. Then don’t put any more into their isa until you’ve built up a buffer for yourself . There’s plenty of time to save for them in later years.

whatever you do, don’t take out another credit card.

Do it. No point in paying interest.

Quote from OP

"I do pay £50 into their savings accounts every month anyway, and I’ve never not done this, even when I’ve been very short. But I had budgeted everything down to the last penny: it was still tight but manageable, then am £100 down which I hadn’t budgeted for"

Ta for the ISA explanation.@FreedFromDesireMindAndSensesPurified
OP Just pull the Covid Card. Lie in bed looking pale .Cough. It's his parents, they probably only want to see him and the kids. He can take the car and he can fill it up on the way. Mumble mournfully IF you get a phone call from anyone. Then excuse yourself to run to the loo.
And at least halve the money you are putting into your kids accounts until you are in a better financial position. Put the other half in a little account all of your own, Best wishes,

She says she works and earns well. She’s not spoken to his earning. She is writing like she pays for everything single handedly. Although she did say we can’t afford fuel.

clearly something is very wrong in the background here.

alternatively she’s always been bad with money, expected to stay in budget, and doesn’t want to admit to her husband she’s over spent and needs to use the kids Xmas money and can’t afford fuel.

You do sound like you're trying really hard OP, with potentially not much support from DH. That may not be something you feel able to do anything about right now, so park it...but don't forget it.

I would stop paying into their ISAs, and focus on CCs and a savings pot for you.

No. It's not your money.

Wow. Just wow!

OPs pay was shorter than planned for in December, so you've jumped to the conclusion she's being financially abused or controlled?!

I truly have no words.

there's some pious posts here OP!

As you have already paid into the children's savings accounts for december when you couldn't afford it - i would see that as their money already accounted for so you now have your 100 back and just skip paying their savings money in December. I'm sure the kids have benefitted from a lovely xmas and will enjoy your NYE plans - do it with absolutely no guilt at all despite what posters are saying.

I think in new year you may want to rethink how you save for the kids - given you have no savings. I know you don't want to talk about your DH but sounds like some changes may be needed there? Anyway, save the monthly 100 for you in an ISA - do it for 5 mths so you have 500 rainy day. Then I would split the 100 going forward so kids get 25 each and you get 50 to keep saving. it's for the kids benefit you have some rainy day money

The number of people saying it's fine is astounding.

It is absolutely fine to use what is family money to feed your kids and get to work. My mum had me very young and at one point spent the money in my savings account on shoes for me. Should she be put in the stocks?

It's not fine to instead add to credit card debt if you don't need to.

I used to do this but then I had lovely MIL who used to shove £20 at me for 'the children's shoes' and my generous mother who still tries to give me petrol money for visiting. Your children are tiny. The money you are spending is to benefit them and you realise that credit cards and you are not good. It's not like you are going to be spending a significant sum. You could, in theory just hold off putting money in their savings for a couple of months and that would get you sorted. I do wonder whether you should look at putting regular small amounts per month and things like birthday and Christmas money in a savings account for them so you can access it to cover things like activities, new gym kit, sports stuff. This stops the spending £10 on plastic tat scenario but means you can spend money on the new dance skirt or shoes or club subscriptions. They can also, when older, go to the bank to pay it in with you. I personally wouldn't put birthday money into an ISA - to them it isn't visible. Just use the ISA for savings and reduce by a little what you put in and put the rest into accessible savings. Spend the Christmas money on your petrol and pay back. There seems a lot of pearl clutching on this thread like you are stealing their inheritance- you aren't. They are preschoolers who don't have a scooby, you are in need and it does benefit them. I would though seriouly think about why you won't tell your husband.
Clearly, you don't want to tell your husband for whatever reason

Can you pay them back?
If you definitely can then borrow it

I "borrowed" my kids money a lot when my they were small. I was so poor, I needed to. Sometimes I couldn't pay it back for ages. All 4 are adults and struggling now. They all work and earn well but, like you, still struggle. I am now in a position that I can treat them well and give them money if they need it for unexpected bills etc. When ever I give my children money "for their grandchild" I trust them to use it in the way they think is best. This may not be to buy toys, they have loads. It may be to buy food or petrol if you are struggling. I think that is ok. It isn't like you are using it to buy drugs or treat yourself to a spa break.

Darling, I've been where you are, it's a case of having to do what you can to get by.
Feed the kids or top up savings? I know what I'd do and what I did. Our DC were given £4k each by MIL. We used that to keep the roof over our heads and I fretted about it for many years.
But times change and when DH got a little unexpected windfall, we were able to pay them back several times over.
My advice is, use the money, and don't feel guilty about it. Also don't discuss your finances with others who will never understand your position and the choices you have to make. Check out if there is a food hub near you and use it, they are "eco" initiatives not good banks and every one can use them.
I'm so sorry you are in this position and I hope things pick up soon.

Actually, unlike most other people I think it’s ok to use the money to benefit the children, eg taking them for a visit to PiL, feeding them etc. If things really are that tight, it doesn’t sit right for you to have to use credit cards in order to be able to get to work to earn the money to feed and house them, paying interest on it, when there is cash money sitting there. You say they are both pre- schoolers : finances will improve once they are in school and you could pay the money back then. It’s not like you are planning on blowing the money on drink and fags, is it?

I'm sure it's been suggested but my second choice after sending DH and the kids off because I had Covid; would be to ring his mum and just be straight out honest, I've had to do it once and DH wasn't happy with me but he was spending money we didn't have and I was going to lose my house ( which I owned outright before I met DH). She was lovely, they ended up having a long chat and she transferred him some money and all was well. ( she may have shouted at him when out of earshot from me) but our financial problem was solved.
Worth a shot if you get on with them.

I’ve done it in the past, used DC cash till I got paid, I asked them and they always said yes, even said keep the money, but I always put it back in their savings, My Dad used to give me money to buy the kids things, if I was short, then that money went on essentials, like food.

When I give money to my adult DC now, I don't care whether it is saved or spent, I trust them to do what is in their best interests.
I don't give with strings attached.

Please consider all your options. Talk to citizens advice, see if you can get any legal advice. There are some worrying comments you have made, such as trying to make sure the money is saved for the kids so it can't be touched, not wanting to talk about your partner, the mortgage not being yours (assuming there is a mortgage).

Do use the money if it will help you now, but I don't think this is a long term solution and sounds like you need support in coming up with a plan for your future and that of your children.

It’s fine as long as you pay it back

January is always a killer month

I’ve done this when the kids were smaller. They needed to eat more than they needed money in their savings accounts.

Always paid it back at the end of January.

The rules for gifted money is our house (and still are now they are teens) is 60% into savings the rest they can budget/spend how they like.

Then husband needs to tell his parents you two are absolutely skint after christmas and higher bills/less income than expected, and you can't afford to travel. If they want to help get you to their party by paying for a tank of fuel, then that's the only way you can afford to come.

Why are you sorting and worrying about all this to please him and your family? He needs to be taking some responsibility here, especially since it's beyond your budget to see his family. And you're talking about borrowing money his family gave their grandchildren.