To use the kids Christmas money to get me through January?

[darkmorning]

In a way I don’t know why I’m asking as I don’t have a choice really, but if the overall consensus is absolutely not I suppose I can use a credit card or something.

PIL gave both children £50 for their savings accounts. I’d have to put the cash in my bank account and transfer to their savings accounts: plan is to do this after I’ve been paid in January. Should I? Or is this just horrible?

If you can put the money back, I would personally do that rather than a credit card, especially if you’re not good with money. I’m not good with money either, and having the temptation there just isn’t good for some people and it’s good you can identify that.

When my mat pay finished we had to dip into the money put aside for my son by family, if you’re choosing between keeping a pot of money for a child that’s not even one yet and going into overdraft/accruing fees/
not being able to afford to adequately feed the whole family, you sometimes have to do what you have to do. Not everyone in this world has a magical savings pot, not with how the cost of living has risen and if you’re not on a massive wage.

The money was replaced once I started back at work and the family members who gave it to us for baby did give us permission as I mentioned it to them. They said that as the money would be going to making baby’s life happier, even if just to put petrol in the car for a day out at the park, it does much more good for that than being squirrelled away in a savings account while we panic and fret about covering basic bills.

Just a different opinion as I can see there’s a lot of people who don’t agree with using kids money at all. I think every situation has nuance and while it’s not something I’ve done since, it is what it is and a child having parents not stressing is also valuable for a baby to especially when they’re tiny. Just always make sure you put it back when you can afford to!

Thanks all. I have skimmed the last page and I will come back to it.

Would I tell PIL what I’m doing? I wouldn’t but because they are nice people and would be upset, insist on giving me money when they can’t really afford to and I don’t want that on my conscience!

DH - there is no point getting into that, I know what the MN response will be, but I am living in the real world not MNtown and I have to live with the situation I have.

The reason I’m saving for the children is because it’s money that can’t be touched or used elsewhere, when I’ve tried to save myself in the past I always end up breaking into it whereas when it’s in the children’s accounts I can’t do that.

There is no way I’d ever be able to save six months salary, it’s an impossible dream! At the moment my priority is to pay off the credit cards then evaluate.

I can't believe the harshness of some of these posts...December is an expensive month and you had less than you expected in your pay, January always feels like the longest month ever...if you can be assured you would put the money back then I think it's better than using a card (the fact you save for your children naturally too means it's clear you are not as bad with money as some of these previous posters suggest)

Oh for goodness sakes, there is a lot of judging on this thread from the holier than thou! Of course you can use the children's money OP, as long as you pay it back, and you have already said you will. You're not the first to do this, and you won't be the last.

@darkmorning Christmas is really pressured and stressful.

Use the money, pay it back in February (mercifully short month). Life is difficult enough, without the added worry of this situation that solves an immediate problem.

I hope you’ve got some good friends/support around. You seem to be carrying a heavy load, and it’s not easy when the children are little. Hope your NYE visits give you a bit of free time to enjoy.

The easy answer is to stop putting £100 a month of OPs own money into the DCs savings. It's absurd to be doing that in the current financial situation.

Don't. The likelihood is that it'll vanish and never be repaid. I speak from experience.

Given the nature of many of the posts on this thread, do you really blame her for not wanting to discuss?!

Many people on this thread aren't trying to help, they're trying to condemn.

I applaud the OP for trying to ask for help, then applaud her again for not giving in to this nest of vipers and their demands for information.

Question for the UK people. Do you all have savings accounts for your children (ISA?) I think Americans call it a college fund.
I don't know a single person( and we are not poor) who does this in Australia.
Is it because we have HECS ( basically a loan from the govt that is slowly repaid at a tiny percent of your wage every financial year) but I thought the US and UK had those too, And isn't uni free in Scotland. So confused about people panicking about 100pounds for a couple of pre-schoolers. HECS is not repayable until you earn above 26000 pounds ( $au equivalent)There's no interest, although some indexation which the current govt is looking at changing and lowering the fees over all.,.And that repayment is 1% of your wage the highest is 2.3% of your wage when you hit the pound equivalent of roughly 35000 pounds.
Are we just slack and let our kids pay for themselves?
And what on earth is an ISA __account?

I can never understand MN's attitude to this sort of thing.

People living in a world where it's considered morally better to use a credit card or a food bank than "steal" from your children, who have no concept of money and need to be fed.

Crack on, OP, before someone tells you you'd be better on OnlyFans than borrowing from a piggy bank. Honestly.

(Then, google Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps. I've been following him since summer and have paid off half my debts and have an emergency fund for the first time in my life).

No problem with this, better than falling into debt. You can pay back when you get paid end of January

I’d use the credit card

I don’t think you will do this on feb,March and so on. It’s Xmas it’s right give yourself a break.

Pay of the credit card off end of January wage.
Doesn't most have a quiet couple of month after Xmas.

I think you might not pay it back, @darkmorning . You said yourself that you’re not great with money. Christmas was not a surprise—we knew it was happening, as we know that Christmas will be happening again in December 2025. What plans are you putting in place today to ensure that Christmas 2025 isn’t a “surprise” to you? Get yourself in a monthly spending plan and stick to it. This includes saving a little back each month for Christmas—take your total Christmas £ requirement and divide it by 12–that is how much you need to put away each month. Stealing from your kids’ futures is not fair.

ISA

https://www.gov.uk/individual-savings-accounts

Saving for one's children doesn't necessarily have to be for higher education, and actually there's no obligation for any child to use money in their savings accounts for that even if it's what the parent intended. It's theirs once they turn 18.

Which is one reason why many people who do have the means to save for their children's future do it in a different way, that allows them to retain more control.

Stop paying into your kids savings account for a few months and use that money to pay off your credit cards, any extra put into your own savings account. Use your credit card for this month, don't take their Christmas money.

Ask for a food bank referral if you're struggling to feed your family

I have a 25 year old and a 5 year old. If I told my 25 year old now, that when he was little, I had to use some of his Xmas money to get us through the month. He would be grateful that I used the money to keep us fed and sorted.

Just wanted to give you that perspective.

I would pause the children’s savings and give yourself some breathing space op. It sounds highly stressful.

If you can create a small buffer for emergencies this is far more important than children’s savings when they are so young.

Is OP regularly saving in the kids’ ISAs, though? I get the impression that she isn’t, and that the GPs are funding it with birthday or Christmas £.

Agreed, mine would probably wonder why I was even telling them, it is that little a deal.

DH - there is no point getting into that, I know what the MN response will be, but I am living in the real world not MNtown and I have to live with the situation I have.

we all live in the real world op; none of us are figments of your imagination. And no one needs to live with a specific situation, if you’ve a problem with your husband. As it aappears you do, then change it. Leave. You don’t need to live with anything you don’t wish to.

She has already said she pays £50 a month to each of them.

So long as you put it back asap, I don’t see a problem with it, especially if it would be a shame for them not to see their grandparents. But I also think that it sounds like the money would be better spent on essentials rather than visiting, and that being open with the in-laws about how tight things are might not be such a bad idea if they could help. You’re concerned about borrowing the money, which says to me that you’re not the sort to steal from your kids. But it sounds like you’re in dire straits, OP and a financial health check is long past due.

In the new year, I would really try and focus on a plan with your DH to not live so close to the wire. Maybe see what you can trim back, if possible? Find better tariffs for your energy etc? Restructure any finance you have for better interest rates and more affordable repayments? Easier said than done with times being the way they are atm, but it sounds really frightening and stressful to be thrown so badly by an unexpected reduction in income of £100. I grew up dirt poor and know that’s a lot of money to some but it’s also not a lot in the great scheme, especially when life is so expensive right now. I’d want to work with DH to improve our budgeting skills and make sure we had a bit more contingency if at all possible. That could then be saved each month for if something unforeseen and necessary popped up like a car problem or a dental bill for example.

Do you qualify for Universal Credit, OP? You mention not having cash savings and that you personally don’t have a mortgage, so it may be worth looking into if you don’t already receive it. You might be surprised to find your household is eligible, and even if you wouldn’t get much, every little bit helps.

Hopefully you've done it op I got about 4 pages in.
Mn is extremely weird when it comes to money this is a no brainer.
However you do need to start saving for Xmas even 20 a month to start with so you don't get stuck again.

She is paying a 100 a month in, she said.