To just … not have toys?

[giveupontoys]

Obviously we’ll have to have some, but my DS(4) just doesn’t seem to play with them.

Christmas presents included a toy ice cream van and he just gets everything out and then it ends up discarded and thrown everywhere, so bits get lost and it’s unusable. This is the same as everything we get.

He has a few toy trucks / cars type things but doesn’t really seem to play with them.

I know people will say not to let him or to discipline him but he just ignores us … doesn’t solve anything.

I don’t know what to do really. It kind of seems pointless having toys if they end up unusable but on the other hand he has to have some things.

DS would LOVE this! 😂

I think it is both boredom and attention seeking - what he wants is your focused attention which is totally age appropriate

Our son had a wooden train track, he didn't play with it independently but would if we built a track for him. He just didn't really know how to get started with it. I then might suggest things to him like how many wagons can he put on the train. Or I might play alongside with the other vehicles and then ask him to stop the train so they can go across the crossing etc. I find it all very awkward but he kind of needed to learn how to play IYKWIM.

Our nursery also had a 'tidy up song' that when it went on, everyone ran around putting the stuff back in the boxes. I found the same one online and we used it at home (it was a tidy up rhumba!). All a bit Pavlov's Dog, but it certainly worked.

Surely a child who is at pre-school 4 days a week gets plenty of opportunities to learn how to play from other children. I find it bizarre that people think an adult should teach them, it is instinctive.

My kids were never particularly in to toys. They started off emptying out cupboards and progressed to wanting to do real things like cooking and gardening. Well flinging flour and compost around anyway. A stick always went down well, as it could become anything. They are autistic, so their entertainment tends to be whatever their special interests are, but it is still play.

I’ve tried that with the tidy up song and it just doesn’t work, it’s frustrating as it makes me feel bad.

Some children aren't all that interested in toys. I wasn't.

Ah yes the stick

Have you tried playing with them with him? He might just lack knowledge of what to do with them/imagination to start a game.

Get him a pikler triangle and a balance board and a gorilla gym and a gym mat. He sounds very physical. Put all toys with tiny bits away except one you least hate. Not all toys need to have multiple parts you can tip out! He could find it overwhelming, or have an emptying "schema".

Mine were like this at that age. Both neurodiverse. They would line things up or pull them apart & put them back together (or mainly leave bits of toy on the floor).
I just learned to accept their differences & as long as it kept them occupied then it didn't really matter that they weren't using them 'correctly'
I can remember DS spending Xmas playing with a whisk & wooden spoon having tossed aside santas toys.

Surely you sit down and play with him? He can't learn how to play with a toy kitxhen or ice cream can if you don't play with him and use his imagination.

If you're stuck for ideas try watching Bluey and just steal some!

Playing is just...acting out scenarios like in films or real life. Events, characters, action...

I could have written this about my son when he was a toddler. He's 10 now and enjoys nothing other than gaming and football (we are currently going through ADHD/autism testing with him and now I look back to him as a toddler and wonder if the signs were there but that is not relevant to what you're asking!). As a toddler (and now too) he just enjoyed running around, playing with the dog and a football, climbing, being free. We haven't bought 'toys' for him except for replacement footballs and goal nets since he was about 6; even Lego is a waste of money as he just isn't interested.

His two siblings are completely different; still very much into toys and imaginative play. I would say try not to worry about it (even though that is hard!), every child is different and some just aren't bothered about toys, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong (I'm also not very good at 'playing!). Just keep doing the things he loves

Do you feel he shows any other signs of being ND @SprigatitoYouAndIKnow?

I know a few people have mentioned autism being linked to no interest in play/toys. Obviously that on its own is not a cause for concern but if it is part of a bigger picture then it may be something to consider?

Again absolutely not saying that this is definitely ND!

My DD is only 20m and does not play with any toys. Instead she spins stuff. Anything she can, in fact!

Also please be assured an ice cream cart is NOT a shit present. It is very good for things like language development (speaking about different flavours) and hand eye coordination too! As well as learning things like different colours and numbers (prices)

Honestly MN is a strange old place sometimes!

My son is exactly the same, he's never really been able to pretend play that well, had a play kitchen didn't really get it, liked being boisterous with dinosaur toys and garage but it's like I had to watch and even then it didn't seem like he was playing right, he prefers to display his Lego stuff than play with it, he's better with technology and games on ps5 etc so I let him do that cos at least he's playing! Outside is always best for us so we have a lot of play equipment, monkey bars and den at top of climbing frame as that just seems to be more fun for him

I find in bizarre that people think an adult should teach them, it is instinctive

It’s like anything else, if you expect other children to teach your children they will only learn to the level of those childrens experience, ability and language. Adult input and participation raises the level of play to develop understanding, language and communication.

It’s like dressing your children in silence, or talking about the clothes they are going to be wearing, their colours, how to put them on, how to do them up, why they are wearing wellies or why it is a sandals day, which foot goes in each shoe…… you extend your child’s experience by verbalising the activity.

I honestly don’t know re being ND, sometimes I think yes and other times I think no of course not.

It is hard and it’s so broad in terms of definition that it’s possible he is, it’s equally possible he isn’t.

But I think he can play at preschool and he does when I take him to those little role play centres. I think the house is part of the problem possibly. It’s dark and the rooms are small, and I find I’m falling over things a lot. It lacks the airy openness that we’d ideally need.

I will do a lot for DS but I will NOT watch Bluey!

My dc never really played with his toys and I also wasn't the type to sit and play with him as he was so full on during the day and I was tired from all the parenting drudgery, domestic chores and work. What he loved the most and consistently played with was the magnatiles. At age 5 onwards he started to enjoy more of Lego. He's now 6 going onto 7 and we play more, I play football with him, imaginative games as he's much more engaging I play monopoly junior with him but at that age and younger it was just emptying contents and playing for 10 seconds and moving onto the next thing.

What is it you dislike about it? Is there other children's tv you do like?

It sounds like you're structuring too much of his time so he doesn't make a mess or play with things the "wrong" way.

What happens if you sit and make the ice creams up with him? Is it the one that teaches numbers and colours?

Is he verbal op? What do nursery say about him?

It’s loud and irritating mostly.

Yes, I’m fine with TV. I just don’t like Bluey.

If he likes to tip, get him things to tip. Ball pit, tuff tray of rice, buckets, shovels, water play. My boys love stacking blocks and driving trucks into them. You need to lean into what he likes.

I think if he was non verbal at 4 we’d agree something was amiss. Yes, he’s verbal, nursery always positive about him.

It probably is me stressing about mess too much. But it’s because I know it can take hours to clear up if he really messes up.

Ditch his toys and source a couple of very large cardboard boxes.