I didn’t get any Christmas presents

[NeedySwan]

Not even a box of chocolates or biscuits from my whole family, parents/siblings etc.

Kindly OP, I think YABU. My family don’t buy adult’s presents. It’s always been that way, we only buy for the kids.
Your parents didn’t leave you out, you got the same treatment as your siblings.
Why didn’t your partner buy you a gift?

So if you have a child who's 15 and a child who's 20, the 20 year old has to sit there and watch their sibling open tons of presents while they get nothing? Weird.

It's a shitty rule though, my partner and I don't have kids so we buy for his 9 nieces, nephews and grand-nephew and receive nothing ourselves. Costs a fortune.

this just happened on DH side of the family- one gave a cash gift to our just under 18 DC and nothing to the just over 18 DC. I find it so weird and shows no understanding of sibling dynamics.

I'm not complaining about lack of presents, although she doesn't give me one, I just want her to be a bit less tight with the family members who look after her! There are little children and when she goes to go on lovely days out, I think she should pay.

Honestly the initial framing is pretty misleading, OP. Your parents didn’t buy adult gifts. Your siblings bought your parents something in exchange for hosting everyone. You bought gifts for everyone (even though your parents had said they wouldn’t be buying) but somehow didn’t realize what the situation would be. It sounds like a communication issue, honestly.

Neither DH or I do individual gifts between adult siblings and I grew up with that being the norm - my parents didn’t exchange with their siblings or parents. We buy family gifts between sibling families (I have some single, childless sibs so their gifts are effectively for them alone, but they’re usually things for their homes), and we do a family gift to each grandparent (grandparents do buy for each grandchild). Usually we either do a white elephant with inexpensive but non-rubbish gifts or everyone draws names and buys for one person so there’s something to open. In the run up to Christmas our families just clarify via group text what the plan is for gifts that year. Changing family sizes, varying plans, and big disparities in finances mean we’ve adjusted plans through the years.

I don’t understand the “well don’t bother to go if they won’t buy you a gift” chants on here. The point of going to see family for Christmas is to see family for Christmas. Same for people saying if the parents don’t want to do all of the hosting and by gifts they should just not host at all… this completely ignores the value of seeing their children on Christmas. By all means, don’t buy gifts for people who aren’t wanting to exchange gifts unless you’re happy for yours to go unreciprocated, but otherwise just clarify the expectations and go see your family on Christmas. And yes, if your parents are hosting you should either contribute something (nibbles, drinks, sweets/dessert) or bring them a small host gift.

Agree, that's what you and I would think, but some older people get quite anxious about money and even a small extra amount out of the account can be a source of anxiety.

However, CherrySoup has come back and said this isn't the case with her mum.

Well I don't think parents should be expected to give adult children gifts.
why not? they'll always be my children , we all exchange gifts, it's lovely to treat each other.

Seems that if there’s a culture of gift giving or not gift giving in your family then it’s fine as long as everyone buys into it. There are a lot of hurt feelings on these threads though, where the value of giving or receiving gifts isn’t interpreted in the same way by both sides. FWIW I’m sure most people would prefer to bring a contribution to a family buffet than to have the value of what they have eaten counted as their gift.

Someone up thread said it’s all fine because gift giving is a relatively new thing but this is not at all true. Both my parents grew up in the forties in families where the giving of Christmas gifts was always part of the celebrations. DF grew up absolutely dirt poor but his family always exchanged gifts.

I know. I really do. It's doing it and not getting ignored or a kick off.

If you don't lay the law down now, it will be the same every year x

What a load of scrooges - it's nice to buy for both adults and children even if it's a token gift. Things don't need to be expensive.

Just read the last page and just had to say, I bought my DSis and BIL a pub voucher between them and cash for my 3 adult nieces. We also bought my FIL and partner more than one gift each but have just realised we forgot to buy his great-uncle anything!

So we buy presents for the adult members of our family. It's an expression of love and we love our family. We also buy for now adult young people.