I didn’t get any Christmas presents

[NeedySwan]

Not even a box of chocolates or biscuits from my whole family, parents/siblings etc.

So next time, your gift to them is the pleasure of your company.

I hope your DP got you something.

i had a secret Santa from work to open and a bottle of perfume from DH that I chose and nearly bought because he couldn’t remember his card pin. DS bought me a hat, again I chose it. Otherwise nothing. MIL took us all out for a meal as our gift this year.
I haven’t really had many gifts since my SIL joined the family and suggested we only did gifts for the children. At the time there was only her DS and an older niece, so the other two couple were expected to shell out with nothing in return Even when DS was born he rarely received a present , usually a selection box or a £5. Fortunately my side of the family are not tight, although we lost our parents in our 30s so it has just been the 3 of us for years. Unfortunately we lost our youngest sibling a couple of months ago so Christmas has been a non-event this year.
I am getting a new tumble dryer and recently had a ne dishwasher recently which I’m more than happy to be classified as my Christmas present. I have drawers full of lovely jewellery I rarely wear now.
My DH had a stroke a couple of years ago and struggles getting around. He’s never got into online shopping and the cognitive damage he suffered means that he lacks the ability to plan ahead. He made the effort to go out with us on Christmas Eve to buy me perfume. This meant more to me than the gift.
He needs a knee replacement in order to improve his mobility but is reluctant. If he agrees to surgery next year this will mean so much to me because we can start doing stuff together again.
So a new knee for DH would be my wish for next Christmas.
I do a lot on my own and feel guilty not being able to include him. He refuses to use a motability scooter which limits any activity where walking is necessary.

Yes OP! Remember there is always someone worse off, so you should always be a doormat and let everyone walk all over you, and never expect equality or reciprocity from anyone as SOMEONE HAS IT WORSE, so you should have no boundaries ever and just accept whatever crap anyone throws at you because things COULD BE WORSE!

Do you buy them gifts?

Is their budget tight so all funds went into the buffet?

Did you contribute anything to the buffet or supply wine etc?

Do you tell everyone "oh, I don't need presents....." then grumble when people take you at face value?

You don't owe them gifts next xmas.

They are thoughtless.

"If you phrased it slightly differently - ‘the adults in my family don’t exchange Christmas gifts, my parents host a Christmas Eve buffet so we can all celebrate together’ it doesn’t sound weird... My family stopped doing adult presents years ago and I wish DH’s side would do the same!"

This ^.

Neither the adults in my family nor my wife's family give presents to each other.

The OP hasn't explained if this is the "understood" situation in her family, but I suspect it is and she simply hasn't realised it.

To everybody asking why the OP's partner didn't give her a present, the OP hasn't said that they didn't. The OP has only mentioned "... my whole family, parents/siblings etc." I don't think she's included her partner in that or her children - if she has any

I think if you go in future, and you really don't have to, I'd arrive with some wine/beer/chocolate goodies for everyone to share and that would be my lot.

If they didn't "do" presents last time, why did you expect different this time?

Lots of families don't bother with gifts - we don't.

We decided collectively to not buy adults in the family presents a few years ago. We all agreed to it. Maybe you need to have this chat with your family.

TBH - I bloody love it. I get the odd bottle of wine (but that's more of a 'thank you for hosting') or a box of maltesers. It's great

We don't do presents for adults in my family and I love it - it's so much easier for everyone.
I suggest doing the same.

I didn’t either. It made me feel a bit sad as I’ve honesty had the worst year of my life. Been so many years of my life where I noticed ‘a soldier was down’ and pulled them back up again. Pretty gutted that those soldiers didn’t come back for me. But… I’m going into 2025 with my eyes well and truly open. So there’s my gift right there.

And he'd be right in saying that.

I wouldn't bring anything for the buffet in return for the total lack of presents - that's if I'd even go to their rotten buffet in the first place. Do not ever buy them anything again. You could just not do it, or you could say that since they've cut out giving presents, you are going to follow suit. I don't exchange presents with my siblings and I get on with two of the three!

I bet this is only the tip of the iceberg though...most people don't behave like that.

@NeedySwan haste thee online shopping and treat yourself to and treat yourself to something gorgeous in the sales, and fuck the lot of them!

I will always spoil my adult children.

God the competitive misery shit is toecurling.

People are allowed to be upset about all kinds and levels of things!

Well.. to be honest at lest they did not say "That'll be £25 for the meal" which I think is awful. By all means ask people to bring contributions but |I think charging them is crass! So from now on just bring a bottle of wine/biscuits/chocolates etc.

Yes, I see how she comes across as very mean. I'm sorry it troubles you but it's lovely how you just get on with things and don't neglect her. Perhaps you can treat yourself to a few nice things during the year, then wrap them up and put them away as others have suggested. Not the same, I know, but might give you a smile on Christmas Day?

I've seen people mentioning on here that they expected voluntary contributions 😂 I didn't, and no I wouldn't ask either. You don't have to offer to do Christmas dinner - if you begrudge them, everyone can just stay at home.

Most people would feel hurt by this. It sounds like they have form so instead of knowingly going into the hurt buy yourself the best present you can afford & never have any expectation of them buying for you in future.

Letting go of expectation will save you a whole lot of hurt.

We aren't a family that likes stuff for the sake of it. We can all afford the perfume etc that we like. So why have the pressure of buying and wrapping for each other? Unless it was edible I wouldn't want a home made gift. I don't eat cake etc.
@NeedySwan so your parents don't do presents and won't be bullied into doing presents, good for them.
These threads blow out of the water that Christmas is about spending time with family. Which it should be. It actually used to be like that during my childhood in the 60/70's. Someone would host and drinks would be taken. All of today's gift buying didn't happen between WC adults. Women were bought for because of the difference in wages and as recognition of unpaid labour. There's no pressure at Christmas if everyone stopped thinking that they had to spend a fortune on anyone but their children.

Didn't your partner get you a present @NeedySwan ?

I guess they are used to treating you like shit and you putting up with it then.

@mainecooncatonahottinroof so you wouldn't go to a buffet put on by a sibling because they don't get you a present? Is Christmas all about gifts for you?

@NeedySwan quite a few people have asked if your partner got you a present? As he doesn't seem to approve of the set-up you've described. Did absolutely no one buy you a gift, or was it just immediate family? If the latter, perhaps they genuinely understood the buffet to be their gift to those present and communicated that rather badly.