I didn’t get any Christmas presents

[NeedySwan]

Not even a box of chocolates or biscuits from my whole family, parents/siblings etc.

It's common in a lot of families to only buy presents for children and sometimes adults without children. The buffet, although not an individual present, is still money being spent on you by your parents. When there are a lot of nieces/nephews/grandchildren it can get very expensive for people. Is there a reason why you didn't know this was the dynamic in your family?

Don’t go to the buffet then? Why didn’t DP get you a present? Or friends?

I really think Christmas gifts are for children not adults.

Exactly! I think it is really shabby! But I do agree with a food/drink contribution.

It seems unclear what the gift giving expectations are in our family. You all need to communicate better next year and ask - what are we doing for presents this year? Children only? Secret Santa? etc. If the buffet is a gift, tell your parents you won't get them a gift either but will bring a dish.

I only got a gift off ds. As we have agreed not to do adult presents in our extended family and dh and I are not fussed with present buying for each other. We don't expect anything so we are not disappointed.

@Hwi

My god, are you for real . It's not a race to the bottom . Should we not enjoy anything ever because somebody also is worse off .
You can't have had much joy in your life to come out with this .

Wait! You didn't get a present from your partner either? Or from friends?

No, not because somebody else is worse off, because you never know how long YOUR good health, YOUR good fortune will last, nothing to do with other people, I can't believe people don't understand this. Be grateful for your good state now, whilst it is good. Count your blessings NOW, these blessings are your presents.

Agreed. Should we never be happy because someone else is happier? No, so there's no reason why we can never be unhappy because someone else is unhappier. It's illogical.

It is quite odd he’s right.

Normal for my family, only parents and children get presents. Although some of us still give out presents but nothing in return is expected. We are all happy this way. We prefer stress/hassle/waste free family get together.

It's a bit odd to give a buffet meal as a present and I understand it's hurtful, especially as your siiblingd didn't reciprocate your gifts.
Did your DP get you anything or any friends get you anything?
I didn't get anything either and it was just DS1 and I yesterday.
After a disagreement about me wasting money on £5 subscription to Netflix, he left taking all the( party food with him)
Next year, I think you need a conversation beforehand

Next year, check in advance what people want to do, and don't buy for anyone who isn't buying for you. Saves time and money. I might still buy for parents even if their present IS a buffet, especially if they're generous at other times.

My parents were both gone by my mid 20s, but your post has made me try to think if they'd still buy me presents now that I'm in my 40s if they were still here, and I don't think they would. I think they'd give presents to their grandchildren though.

My DH and I don't buy each other gifts at all, but that is a mutual agreement.

My siblings and I do buy each other gifts, but we've decided Secret Santa is the way forward next year, as nieces and nephews are now adults, and so they can join too. I will still give extra to the younger ones until they are 25 though.

Going forward, if I were you I think I'd accept the buffet as a gift, and still buy for my parents and my nieces and nephews, but I'd be less inclined to buy gifts for my siblings and spend that money on myself next year.

Sorry you didn't receive anything.

I don't think a small gift would make much of a dent in that budget.

I think it's odd that all the siblings didn't buy for each other.

Don't you get on?

Didn't you all know who would be there?

Omg you need to put an end to that shit!!

Next year, husband does the present buying not you. And you make it plain to your ungrateful older children that as you are generous to them, you expect them to think of you in return. They need to learn that lesson or they will be really selfish adults!

Tell him it would only be fair if he spent his dad's money on something that benefits both of you, seeing as you were the only who did all the bloody work, and that you won't be tolerating this level of disrespect another year!

And probably too late now but I'd make them do all the work of the buffet while you sit with a nice glass of something and give them directions! Plus they can clear up after!!

Why didn't your partner get you a gift?

Bullshit.

Hugs xx

I don't think it's a sibling, it's the parents. My parents did Christmas dinner for the whole family right up to and including their final Christmas, and did it gladly, as well as buying all of us generous gifts. They did it because they wouldn't have had it any other way. We bought them gifts in return too. They would never have considered the meal to be a 'gift' even though it must have cost them an arm and a leg to do a dinner with all the trimmings for all of us. We do the same now for our adult children. I think that is very normal. All my friends and family do it.

And no, if I got a sibling a gift and reasonably expected to receive one in return, then I don't feel I'd want to be in their company, because it's very hurtful.

Actually Christmas is far from "all about gifts" for me. I don't exchange presents with siblings, or friends. Both sets of parents are dead. We stopped buying for nieces and nephews at Christmas, and only buy for their birthdays. My husband and I don't exchange gifts either because anything we want we buy for ourselves. Our children are literally the only ones who buy us presents for Christmas. I give my hairdresser and nail tech a Christmas tip.

So you're picking on the wrong person here lol!

I feel for the OP though who is clearly very hurt.

Oh fgs people can't go round thinking like that. What a harbinger of doom. Not even glass half empty - I don't think there's so much as a drop in the bottom of it!

The big shit!! I wouldn't let that one go...

Christmas isn't only about children. My children are adults, and they will be getting Christmas gifts for as long as I am able.

It’s not a shabby for a whole family with very low incomes at all. I had friend growing up who all got together (parent, grandparents, a few aunts and uncles with their kids) so the whole family together for Christmas dinner. Everyone sent the hosting house money beforehand so they could buy all the stuff needed. If they didn’t do it like that, none of them could have afforded to host the family and they’d all have had to have separate smaller meals. That’s fine if you want to have separate Christmas meals, but they didn’t. They wanted big family Christmas and it was only affordable if everyone split the cost.

How is that shabby?