DH complaining about my Christmas Dinner

[TuffasOldBoots]

Primarily the beef! Which wasn’t good - tough as old boots he said. Reminded him of a shoe etc.

DH worked Christmas Day, home at 2. We have small children and I spend the morning/afternoon running between the kitchen and the living room cooking/playing with the kids/opening presents/building toys and cleaning and cooking a big Christmas dinner.

Main was a huge turkey crown which was beautiful, everyone enjoyed it. All fresh veg, homemade cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, all the trimmings etc. Beef was an extra (small joint) but not the main event. Texted DH in the morning-help! I’ve never cooked beef before (I eat mostly a vegetarian diet) how long does he want me to cook it for? Just guess! Was his reply!

Served up the dinner and he moaned and moaned about how the beef was like an old boot and he could barely cut through it.

It was very tough-told him to leave it and just eat the turkey.

To make it worse - his family came over in the evening and they asked how our dinner was and all he could mention was the beef being like old boots and our kids laughed along. His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr! He also commented on how much I had spent on the turkey this year-it was expensive but I was alone with the children and had to wait for DH to be home so I could shop for it, not much left and spend a lot more than usual.

Felt like I was in the kitchen for several hours prepping, cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted when he came home. AIBU? I was v.embarrassed when he mentioned it in front of his family and it sounded like the whole of my dinner was shit when it was only one of many other dishes.

There, op, is your answer. For that price, even full price, it wasn't a roasting joint. You could have basted that with unicorn oil blessed with fairy dust and that joint would still have been leathery. Do you remember the name: silverside perhaps?

That would only have been tender and tasty if braised on a low heat for 3 to 4 hours with a tasty stock and some roof veg, or in red wine with onions, tjn if tomatoes and olives.

You should have called him out in front of his family about how you were running between looking after your children and the kitchen. Bless you. I always cook beef in the slow cooker around 8-10 hours, depending on size of the joint. Low and slow with beef even if in the oven. And agree with PPs, more expensive cuts are usually nicer. Sainsburys often do the Aberdeen Angus joints half price per kg with a nectar card.

YANBU
This link will explain why you got such a wide range of cooking times. Timings are very different depending on the cuts of beef and if you want it rare, medium of well done. https://www.riverford.co.uk/recipes/beef-roasting-guide?srsltid=AfmBOopvds-D2g3POsx0SHxVe0sc0lwb7IKDaPG_Ehr_INPhA1Y_yTbO. But I still can’t get over someone telling you 4 hours. Were they suggesting a cremation?

That aside he’s really rude about everything else. I think I would turn around to him and say if he says one more word about the food you will not be cooking Christmas lunch for him ever again… or whatever your red line is.

Honestly, it doesn't matter how long you should/shouldn't have cooked the beef for. You could have microwaved it for an hour and your H should still have thanked you for all your hard work, not bloody complained! Had it been a light-hearted comment among gratitude and compliments, fine, but it doesn't sound like that. Sounds like he clearly doesn't appreciate your hard work.

We never buy beef from Tesco now after having some terrible joints, we usually get from the butchers or sainsbrurys.

The timings are usually on the packaging, but anyway, he should have just eaten it or left it, and he certainly didn't have to make a big thing of it to his family.

I imagine it was the better than half price basic roasting joint. That won’t have been very nice cooked at the same temperature as the turkey. We got the Thor’s hammer last year from Tesco and that was nice. A decent bit of beef is a lot more expensive than £6.25 a kilo. The Aberdeen Angus Christmas was £35 a kilo. You get what you pay for…

Tell him you are disappointed in him, and that he's sleeping on the couch until he gives you a sincere apology for disrespecting you to his parents and for his attitude of entitlement over the beef.

Next year, serve spag bol for Christmas.

This.

Oh, OP, you poor love. Over the years, I’ve had much better luck doing beef joints in the slow cooker rather than the oven. Just pop it in with plenty of gravy (or whatever you want to baste it with) and set to a low temperature about eight hours before you want to serve lunch. Your MIL is being a patronising twat, cooking beef is not a complex skill that needs to be taught.

Your husband is an arsehole. Does he often put you down in front of others?

He's a dick, and his parents should have told him to shut his mouth.

He probably learned his attitude from them.

This. Next year he cooks Christmas lunch. Or he pays for you all to go out to lunch.

Or you dump him, and make cheese & veggie pancakes for you and the dcs😊

I avoid cooking something for the first time on big occasions like Christmas dinner. I do a trail run a few weeks before if I can ( and hope for a positive reaction!). I also try to buy the best quality meat I can afford for special occasions. So if I buy tescos beef during the normal shop, I'd look to buy something special for Christmas.
That said, he should have just kept his mouth shout!

100%

His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr!
My MIL would have offered the same- to be nice in fairness, but would get my back up too. I would have responded that I’d prefer she talk to her son about how not to be a huge arsehole if my husband treated me like that.

Op, if it's any consolation, I don't cook beef (except mince or burgers) either.

Supermarket beef is inevitably rubbish, and a good quality piece of beef from a decent butcher will cost at least £25 a kilo. Honestly, it's just not worth the bother.

Make it very very very clear to him that next year he is doing all the shopping / prep and cooking for Christmas dinner. your effort was obviously was NOT appreciated and he obviously feels he can do much better do crack on.

we’ve all had cooking disasters and after a while we can laugh at ourselves about them, but to belittle your whole effort over one item he chose is horrible.

Don’t let him put you down like this - if he brings it up again I would also firmly say ‘I tried my hardest to make Christmas morning fun for the children and to make us a lovely dinner. Fixating on the one part that didn’t go exactly to plan is just so mean and you’re really upsetting me with your comments ’ - leave that thought hanging in the air.

some men think it’s just ‘ joking’ and ‘ banter’ to comment like this - put putting others down in this way is really spiteful and mean.

hope you have a nicer day today .

Tell him that in future you will only be cooking vegetarian. As he is such an expert on meat cooking, he can do the rest.

Beef joints are tricky, especially small ones. After many failures and the purchase of a meat thermometer, I have at last worked out how to cook them just the way I like them, but I still have no success with the ones from Tesco, even the ones that claim to be for roasting.
I can just about understand saying 'the beef was a bit leathery' in an unguarded moment, but it should have been immediately followed by 'but the rest was superb and you did an amazing job single handed'.

THIS! How you did/didn't cook the beef is one thing. Your real issue is that your DH speaks to you like that and gets your DC to laugh along too.

Sometimes the universe sends you a sign that you need to do something different next year. This is your sign 😊

In 2025 if husband is working Xmas morning you eat nice posh m&s bits for Xmas lunch which take 30mins in the oven to heat, you spend the rest of the day playing with the kids. If he wants a roast he cooks it in the evening. If he isn’t working he cooks it in the day.

If he’s unhappy with either of those opinions he sorts an alternative but the alternative can’t be you cooking because you’re too upset and embarrassed about this year.

He is rude and entitled. Deliberately humiliating you like that when he did absolutely fuck all to contribute to Christmas is not at all cool. I can’t imagine you feel loved or respected or much at all like a partner right now. I would probably go scorched earth on him.

OP he was being a pain, but part of the problem is you trying to do more than is humanly possible or indeed necessary. No need for both turkey and beef; unrealistic to cook all of that in a small oven; impossible to be the sole child carer and produce a complicated meal at the same time. If your partner can’t or won’t share child care and domestic jobs you need to cut right down what you take on.

And ask her why she hadn’t taught her son how to cook beef?