DH complaining about my Christmas Dinner

[TuffasOldBoots]

Primarily the beef! Which wasn’t good - tough as old boots he said. Reminded him of a shoe etc.

DH worked Christmas Day, home at 2. We have small children and I spend the morning/afternoon running between the kitchen and the living room cooking/playing with the kids/opening presents/building toys and cleaning and cooking a big Christmas dinner.

Main was a huge turkey crown which was beautiful, everyone enjoyed it. All fresh veg, homemade cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, all the trimmings etc. Beef was an extra (small joint) but not the main event. Texted DH in the morning-help! I’ve never cooked beef before (I eat mostly a vegetarian diet) how long does he want me to cook it for? Just guess! Was his reply!

Served up the dinner and he moaned and moaned about how the beef was like an old boot and he could barely cut through it.

It was very tough-told him to leave it and just eat the turkey.

To make it worse - his family came over in the evening and they asked how our dinner was and all he could mention was the beef being like old boots and our kids laughed along. His Mum then offered to teach me how to cook beef. Grr! He also commented on how much I had spent on the turkey this year-it was expensive but I was alone with the children and had to wait for DH to be home so I could shop for it, not much left and spend a lot more than usual.

Felt like I was in the kitchen for several hours prepping, cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted when he came home. AIBU? I was v.embarrassed when he mentioned it in front of his family and it sounded like the whole of my dinner was shit when it was only one of many other dishes.

I actually bought loads of those joints for the freezer as a bargain. I’ve cooked a few and the quality is variable despite cooking the same way. I stick in air fryer up full for 15 minutes then 45 mins at 120. Rest for at least 20 minutes. One roast was so tough it’s been portioned up to use as dog treats.

He can do all the cooking and all next year. He sounds a piece of work.

Telling a vegetarian to just guess how long to cook a joint for is ridiculous.
10 hours? 20 minutes?
I would say next year you will not be cooking more than one meat and quite frankly your dh can cook it.

Same old shit, different poster.

If I want to teach my daughters one thing, it's that they're worth more than this.

That being single will result in more happiness for them than being with a lazy, selfish, sexist, ungrateful twat.

Not even really sure why they would need to be told this, you'd think it obvious, except on mumsnet there's an hourly post like this.

Nothing to do with the beef op, and everything to do with the personality of the prick you've married.

Sorry, I should have written 'the provider', not the main provider. I totally agree, it does not matter that one earns less, as long as both are working their socks off. In this case the OP is clearly a sahm, they are not rolling in it - otherwise he would not have noticed how expensive the turkey was, and he had to work on Christmas day. I do get triggered when sahp is advised to tell the breadwinner to cook and/or clean and/or look after the children as well. I am the only breadwinner in the family or if their (sahp and the breadwinner) efforts and contributions are deemed equal.

Oh dear, looks like your wanker of a husband will have to cook Christmas dinner next year.

My beef was tough too, it was the first thing some of my extended family mentioned 🤣

I’d have bollocked his arse in front of his parents. Ok, he was working, but you did all the prep (and I bet he didn’t know what the dc got for Christmas!), cooked and I bet you cleared too. My dh thanked me twice for cooking and clearing yesterday (to be fair, he’s the main cook as I’m just not really bothered about food). I hope you’ve had serious words with him.

You've jumped to quite a lot of completely made up conclusions there @Hwi

As others have said, OP, this is not about meat being over cooked. This is about a very disrespectful man, who is in turn, giving that example to your children.

Op said he moaned and moaned so I'm not sure where you got made a few jokes from

I feel for you OP. I spent Chritmas Eve day cooking a turkey and roast beef whilst looking after our 18mold toddler who was poorly with a cough and temp. My husband had to work which we were both disapointed about. Everything seemed OK at first but then started to go wrong but I was lucky enough to ring my mum to come and help. If anyone had made a comment eating Christmas dinner I couldn't have been as restrained as you have. Funnily enough my husband found the turkey gibblets still in the plastic in the turkey when he was carving the leftovers. It's been our secret! Take care xx

Why didn't you immediately snap back with something like, "Well it's a damn sight better than the meal you cooked!"

My DH came this lark a bit when we first got together. I put him straight in the moment and still do on very rare occasions.

If I've put in effort and someone that has done sweet FA says something off colour, they get it back in spades in the moment now but the older you get, the less shit you take IMHO.

So now you don’t ever cook roast beef again. Turkey or chicken are much more forgiving. I know from personal experience that the actual meat is not the point. “Be nice” is what DH should be practicing. Unless you have cooked a Christmas dinner from scratch it is hard to understand how stressful it is.

I love your DH - that he can keep a secret.

Sorry, I was wrong. She is clearly a partner in a law firm, working from home, remote hearings, that sort of thing. Hence money is not an issue. He goes to work for fun/to feel masculine/not to sponge off her money, hence working on Christmas day. He was mentioning the price of the turkey because it is what you do when you are engaged in small talk. Sorry.

I think I've spotted that the op has responded but with a name change.

Yes op, this isn't a healthy relationship.

We know your husband finished at 2 but we don't know when he started, let's assume 6am...

If you were married to A decent husband in a healthy relationship here, you probably would have just prepped what you could in the morning whilst enjoying Christmas Day with your kids. Then when he got home, or even an hour or so after ti give him a chance to shower/wind down - it would have been all hands on deck. That might have looked like both cooking together, or one of you taking the kids to the park whilst the other sorted dinner. Then you would have had dinner. No pleasant person would have said anything negative to the chef if any part of the meal went wrong. You would then have cleaned up together.

I think the people giving tops on cooking beef are missing the point.
Her husband was a rude ungrateful twat and belittled her in front of his family.
That is the point of the thread.

I cook beef on average once a fortnight, and have done for around 15 years now. So that's a lot of beef. I've tried many different methods, some work beautifully, some don't. I've got it cracked. But, sometimes, the joint is just tough. Not a happy cow. It happens. And sometimes, when running round after a small child at the same time, I overdo it. Because that also happens.

Tell him to shut it, because it's just a piece of beef, and forgive yourself. And take a day off, I was exhausted just reading your post.

No excuse for the complaining but don't Tesco joints have cooking instructions on the label?

On a day when they OP had plenty of time and headspace and nothing else to cook in the same oven, she doubtless would have done a better job.

Did you miss the part where she was running around after small, over-excited children and also trying to cook a full roast turkey dinner for a large family in a small oven at the same time as cooking something she'd never cooked before?

Has nothing you've tried to cook ever gone wrong?

The fault is not with the OP. Her husband is a dick who doesn't care what effort she expended on trying to give everyone a lovely day and lovely food. He should have been full of gratitude for her being willing to host his wider family and running herself ragged to do so. Instead, he took pleasure in insulting her efforts and encouraged their children and his parents to join in making her the butt of the joke.

@TuffasOldBoots depending on the whether this is his usual behaviour or a one-off, you need to either go nuclear at him in private or LTB. Please don't ever put yourself in a position where this is likely to happen again. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, especially on Christmas Day.

He's obviously doing a shit job of being a provider if they have to buy cheap beef.
She should complain about this and ridicule him, getting their children to join in. Then when her family come over she should complain again, and her dad can give him hints and tops about how to be a better provider.

Love that @HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou !

Ungrateful sod.

Tell him since he was not satisfied with your lunch this year, next year he can show you how it's done. Tell his family too.

I've also had mystery tough beef despite cooking it a 100 times. Last time it came from Tesco funnily enough.

I agree with other people re not doing Christmas dinner again but the reality is you won't do that, and that's what's so frustrating about so many stories on Mumsnet and everywhere else - women working themselves to the bone and being taken completely for granted, when all it would have taken to make you feel good is well-deserved compliments about the meal and how much work you've put in. Can we all stop raising sons to be like the husband in this story? As for your husband, I wouldn't cook beef for him again, ever - and if he requests it say "sorry, I decided to stop cooking beef the Christmas you made such a big deal of me overcooking it and ignored the hours of work I put into the meal in general." Twat.