Am I being unreasonable being uncomfortable with the age gap of my Daughter's relationship?

[Tennis1869]

My Daughter (35F) has a boyfriend (25M).
They have been together for around 6 months and he is a lovely young man, he is a doctor which I was absolutely thrilled about.
When me and my DH met him he was visibly younger, I cannot fault him at all.
I just feel a little uncomfortable about the age gap and wonder what his parents must think of the gap.

I think if the roles were reversed me and DH would be a little concerned. I know this is not my business to interfere with as they are both happy, but I just can't help feeling uncomfortable as to me he is so visibly younger.

I would like some reassurance more than anything or advice from other's who have found themselves in the situation where your child is in a relationship with a bit of an age gap, did you find it uncomfortable and did it pass?

10 years either way is absolutely fine imo
It's outlook and shared values which really matter
In this context age really doesn't matter and to judge on physical appearance is incredibly shallow
I'm 60 and for example I think the police officers these days look young enough to still be at school but they're obviously not!
Keep out of it is my advice

I agree with you that it is a bit unusual but since they’re both adults there’s not a lot you can say without upsetting your daughter

Agree. I would not like it. Creepy.

I think 10 years difference is okay. I wouldn’t be bothered-surprised, maybe, but not upset or worried. Some people are very mature at 25. Coincidentally I know of three couples who’ve had a 17 year age gap with the woman being older and aged around 40 on meeting the man who’d have been 23. One couple split up after 10 years of marriage, the others are still together-one couple for 29 years, the other for 12.

You come across as if you are most worried about what you think rather than anyone else. As you say, 25 might be too young to have children for him, especially as he will just be starting as a resident doctor (long shifts, being sent around the country to work) so it may be this isn't a relationship destined for children but again, that's for them to decide.

So MN to be thrilled by their daughter dating a doctor 🤣

I have a similar age gap with my DH in same direction, same exact time frame… we are an incredible team in every way, 17 years together, 14 married, two amazing children. Very much in love and so happy. I would have been crushed if our parents had tried to interfere. Nobody did and all relationships are loving and strong.💪

I have always been concerned with these age gap relationships and it's typically older men leering over younger women, I wonder why can they not date someone their own age.
I wouldn;t have been happy if she was in her early- mid twenties bringing home older men, but instead it is the other way around and I worry what his family must think

My friend is uncomfortable with the 13 year age gap of her child and their partner

but she appreciates she hasn’t a leg to stand in as its the same age between her and her partner

How were your parents when you were 20 years old brining home a 40 year old man?

DS 17 is with his GF 21. I can't say I am thrilled about it as she's slightly older but they seem to get on okay?

OP you'll just have to leave them to it as they're both adults.

Why are you so bothered about what his family think?! I don’t believe that you are, I think you’re using that as a cover up for your own concern. How do you know they aren’t delighted? As I’ve said in a previous post I’m 35 and my partner is 25, we’ve been together a few years and his parents adore me.

Ofgs but out.

@Tennis1869

i totally appreciate the worries that he is young and what his family might think. I would be worried in my head too. About babies, about different life stages….

but you must keep these worries to yourself. As other posters have pointed out, relationships with age gaps can work out. Nothing you can say at this point could make a difference, you don’t know his motivations or hers and you can’t see the future so all you can do is be supportive and if it all falls apart you can be there for your daughter.

They’re ten years apart, and working professionals. It’s not like one of them is barely an adult and the other is approaching middle age.

You say you’ve “always been concerned with these age gap relationships.” Do you think your daughter is somehow taking advantage of her boyfriend? Also curious what age difference would be the limits of acceptability to you - five years? Three years? Eighteen months?

Do you even know his family well enough to think that they might have a negative opinion of this relationship?

There’s 20 years between me and DP, it’s my longest relationship so far- we’ve been together 4 years and our first baby is 4m old. Shes 35 op, trust me when I tell you she fully understands what she’s getting into- the downsides and whether she wants to have children or not.

I’m 52 and my husband is 77 next year. Age doesn’t matter it’s a state of mind

It's quite a gap at that age. 55/65 not such a big gap. At 25, you are still a youth, really.

When I saw the title of this thread I wasn't expecting the younger partner to be in their mid-20s. It's not like she's messing around with someone who has barely left school, he's a fully-fledged adult in a very responsible job.

If she has no kids I think it's different

Neither are of an age which is concerning IMO.

Yep I was just thinking “don’t worry OP, the relationship is unlikely to survive the Resident years” (I’m a doctor, most of my colleagues’ relationships foundered at that age)

My son's partner is 10 years older than him. Apart from slight regrets that they will never make me a grandmother, I can see that she is the best thing that has ever happend for my son. I love her to bits and am I am currently counting the minutes for them to arrive (4 hour drive) to start Christmas all over again with them!
However, I know DiL's (that's what I call her) DF ioes not look favourably on the age gap and it is destroying their relationship (he is her the only living parent) Be care OP that you do not do the same.

OP, if you're concerned that your daughter is exploiting this young man's lesser life experience to coerce and control him and take advantage, you need to be having words with her.

If you don't have concerns about him being abused by your daughter, then why are you getting yourself in a tizz?

If the roles were reversed and it was an older partner you didn't know, of course you'd be concerned.. ahe gap relationships do leave the younger partner vulnerable oftentimes... but it's not role reverse.

Maybe his family are wondering about your daughter, yes, but thats for them to deal with and discuss with their son... again, unless you think your daughter can be abusive.

My bil is about 8 years younger than his wife...they've been together 25 years just like me and my husband