Am I being unreasonable being uncomfortable with the age gap of my Daughter's relationship?

[Tennis1869]

My Daughter (35F) has a boyfriend (25M).
They have been together for around 6 months and he is a lovely young man, he is a doctor which I was absolutely thrilled about.
When me and my DH met him he was visibly younger, I cannot fault him at all.
I just feel a little uncomfortable about the age gap and wonder what his parents must think of the gap.

I think if the roles were reversed me and DH would be a little concerned. I know this is not my business to interfere with as they are both happy, but I just can't help feeling uncomfortable as to me he is so visibly younger.

I would like some reassurance more than anything or advice from other's who have found themselves in the situation where your child is in a relationship with a bit of an age gap, did you find it uncomfortable and did it pass?

Leave it OP. Talking from a vast dating experience - younger men often got much better personalities and got more enthusiasm / willingness to make you happy. Let her enjoy it. Choosing someone of her own age or older doesn't guarantee a quality relationship / happiness.

Love is such a precious thing to find, don’t ruin it for them by fussing about something that’s ultimately inconsequential like an age gap. If it is meant to be, they’ll make it work

I wouldn't say/do anything, if she is happy just be supportive. If she asks you then you could tell her your concerns but other than that I would leave it. Saying that my only concern is the child thing, do you know for sure if she wants children? But she's 35, I'm sure she will have thought of that herself without her Mum telling her.

I would know objectively that it wasn’t my business etc etc,

But. I would wonder if she wants kids and whether a 25 yo not long out of medical training is wanting to commit at that stage. I would fear for her because if the well worn patterns of men looking at younger women as they grow older and the double standards and different societal attitudes to older men and older women.

I was 29 with two kids and dh was 23. God knows what his parents thought. I do remember one of his cousins thinking it was weird. Ironically his cousin was 32 and had a 24 year old girl friend! We had our son when I was 36 and dh was 30. We are 46 and 40 now and never think about it.

Why are you so thrilled he is a doctor?

I would worry. My friend had a 10 year age gap. They waited until he was 30 to start a family, meaning she was 40. They only managed 1 dc. When she was 50 & menopausal he left her for a 33 year old and started a new family.

It’s not a worry for you as she is 35 and certainly mature and wise enough to manage her own relationships. If the 25yo man isn’t ready for children and she is desperate to get started, she will dump him herself. She doesn’t need you sticking your oar in.

Lot's of men do leave for younger women when they have a midlife crisis. Doesn't have anything tondo with an age gap.
Also you shouldn't wait too long to have children no matter the age of your Partner I would assume OPs daughter knows that. Maybe she doesn't want children at all.

My Mum was 10 years older than my Dad, they had a wonderful relationship.

My DB has been with his partner who is ten years older for nearly 25 years. They have two grown up children. Of course my parents were concerned when they learned of the relationship but it's turned out well. They have been through all kinds of ups & downs and are still happy to be together. They've outlasted my marriage and oyr cousins' two marriages!

They are grown adults . Leave them to it .

She definitiely wants children, but I know it is unreasonable to expcet a 25 year old to want children straight away and he might want to experience life more. Honestly I'm more worried what his parents would think as we would not be happy if she brought home a man in his mid-late thirties when she was 25

DH and I met when he was 35, me 21!

I do think now what if that were one of our dses but at the time it felt right and it still does nearly 30 years later.

You need to stay out of it and be happy your dad is happy.

I’d be more worried that he’s a doctor especially if she wants children soon.

I am with you op. I would also find it discomfiting, in my experience a 25 year old is a very different level of maturity to a 35 year old. And males mature slower than women often. And they are at very different life stages.

however, you need to keep your counsel. Be welcoming. It’s a very very foolish person who say anything in this situation. Let them work it out for themselves.

The concern is that he won’t want to settle down yet and she will miss out on the opportunity to have children. Then again you could say the same of any man .
Just let them get on with it and enjoy their lives.

Why?
25 is pretty mature enough that there wouldn't be a power imbalance in the relationship.
They presumably have spoken about having children. He might be content to settle down and not to have the "life experiences". He'll be in his 40s when the Kids are grown up so plenty time to experience things than.

I think you sound quite shallow. You can’t judge someone’s character by their profession. I can only assume you don’t know a lot of doctors socially! They are certainly not all pillars of society! Like any profession there are saints and sinners.

your daughter is living her life - this guy could turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to her - or he could be an absolutes selfish asshole. Only time will tell.

Age is just a number. They're both adults. It may or may not work out. You say you wouldn't be happy if the ages were reversed. Sounds like you have a very fixed idea of what is "right ".
When we met, my partner was 28, I was 8 years older. I had 2 kids under 10, and although going through a divorce, I was still legally married.
My MIL welcomed me and, 20 years later, she's my best friend.
My relationship with my partner is beautiful.

My kids are happy and grown up and have great relationships with my partner, and my MIL.

It can all work out. Just leave them to it and see what happens. This might be amazing.

Are you able to pin point your achual concerns ?
do they both want kids?? That would be my only slight reservation if I was you
there isn’t a power imbalance ???

It’s not a very big gap. I would not worry about it.

I'm 62 and DH is 52. We were 35 and 25 when we met, it's worked for us!

I have a 19 year gap and been married 19 years. No, there is no power imbalance, despite MN assuming all age gap relationships do.

I'm 54 and my DP is 42. No issue for us at all and no-one seems to notice the age gap either