Am I being unreasonable being uncomfortable with the age gap of my Daughter's relationship?

[Tennis1869]

My Daughter (35F) has a boyfriend (25M).
They have been together for around 6 months and he is a lovely young man, he is a doctor which I was absolutely thrilled about.
When me and my DH met him he was visibly younger, I cannot fault him at all.
I just feel a little uncomfortable about the age gap and wonder what his parents must think of the gap.

I think if the roles were reversed me and DH would be a little concerned. I know this is not my business to interfere with as they are both happy, but I just can't help feeling uncomfortable as to me he is so visibly younger.

I would like some reassurance more than anything or advice from other's who have found themselves in the situation where your child is in a relationship with a bit of an age gap, did you find it uncomfortable and did it pass?

One of my friends is 15 years older than her husband. Theirs is one of the happiest marriages I know, they’re sublimely happy. Butt out, she’s plenty old enough to know what she’s doing, so is he come to that.

I'm guessing you're concerned, OP, that they're not at the same 'life stages' and therefore it won't last and your daughter might get hurt

Or it will last, they'll have children and then he will want to spread his wings and have some life experiences which he's missed and your daughter might get hurt

I can understand the above

Perfectly understandable to worry about things like this

I was 20 when I met my husband, he was 36. I had my first child at 23 and my second at 26. 21 years later we are still here with 2 lovely teenagers.
Not everyone under the age of 30 is incapable of adulting, in fact the chronic babying of this generation blows my mind.
I am sure a Doctor knows a bit about reproduction and will be aware time is not on your daughter's side, with this information I am very sure they can have a grown up conversation about when/if they want children.
Leave them to it, they are both adults and definitely don't need your ill feelings about their relationship.

Take a deep breath.

Now imagine that your daughter is Madonna (66) and her current Jamaican boyfriend, Akeem (28) are coming to spend Christmas with you. What would you say to them?

You have now vented and expressed your views on MN, now step back and leave well alone.
If it goes toes up you can then think to yourself 'I knew this would happen' but keep it to yourself. Dd's choice and decision def. not yours.

Ten years is around max for me personally due to stages in life. He is on a very specific career path and not some youngster trying to decide what to do though so I say embrace it.

My only concern is children as he is young. It’s nice if people can have a life before children. So at least a couple of years dating. She will be 37 and it would be good to start then as much as the anecdotes will start on how someone’s Aunt had a baby at 48 stats it’s more of a risk. He may be ready at 27, my DS sadly just broken up with long term GF definitely wants children and was hoping to have them around that age.

Meant to add they've only been together 6 months, he might like the older woman aspect, she might prefer the toy boy thing for a change. They might stay together long term but might not.

I'd privately worry about the baby issue too.

Don't say anything. If she asks for advice or vocalises worries you can chat then. Otherwise keep your thoughts to yourself.

it will be a hard life for her with a doctor as a partner, particularly if she is in a rush for children

Your daughter's relationship(s) are none of your business, OP. So you don't "do" anything. Just leave them be.

My DH is 11 years younger we have a 25 yo daughter

If he's 25 and a qualified doctor I suspect he is probably quite mature 🙄

People need to start minding their own business more.

I feel like you’re looking for a problem where there isn’t one. These are two full-fledged adults who are old enough to make their own decisions. As for “he may want to have experiences,” maybe he doesn’t want to have experiences. Maybe he’s already has several “experiences” and wants to settle down. Or maybe he’s one of those people who’s never really gone for the whole “dating/sleeping with lots of different people” thing and just wants to be happy and in love in a stable relationship.

OP YABVVU

35 and 25 is perfectly acceptable with couples whatever the gender make up

Oh my THIS - not just on this thread but in life - a million times over

YABU, OP.
I'm 46, my husband is 75, married for 20 years.
No problems, happy, etc.
Neither of us wanted kids, either.
I think everyone is very different and they don't necessarily trumpet about it to others.
Your life, your choice (fortunately).
😁

It’s lovely to see all the posts on here from women who are older than their partners and how happy they are :)

I’m another who met my 11 years younger partner at age 35. I already had kids and didn’t want more, he’s never wanted them but if he does change his mind and want them in the future, well then c’est la vie - but you can’t just life based on what ifs?

It’s not ideal but there’s plenty of other even less ideal situations she could have got herself into. She is a grown woman though so you need to leave her to it. I might possibly have a conversation with her if she wants kids and he’s not forthcoming on commitment. At 35 there’s not much time to waste

If they’re compatible and the relationship is good, then it doesn’t matter which years they were born in.

It’s none of his parents business, nor is it yours.

11yr age difference for me and DH. We’re perfectly happy, always have been, have been together for 17yrs & married for 13.

I go understand where you’re coming from but I know couples with similar or even bigger age gaps and it works.

I also know couples whose relationships really don’t work regardless of age gap.

Let them figure it out for themselves.
If it’s not right for them then they will soon know.

He sounds like a good man OP and that is the only, only thing that matters here.

One of my brothers is married to a woman who is ten years older than him and honestly it's made no difference and I only remembered the age difference when reading this thread

women freeze eggs these days and so on
what is the problem, unless she dies younger. Women and men of all ages die at any age.

If they marry and try for kids, from 36 to 40 she has good chances to get pregnant twice one after the other as many women do these days. If not, use the eggs in her 40s and he still will be there for the kids if some tragedy happens to her.