Xmas day morning - AIBU here?

[HennyPenny42]

Staying at my parents’ house for Christmas with dp and dd (3), my sister is also here.
Sat around on Xmas Eve chatting about the order of the day tomorrow. I assume my dd will wake early (6ish) and I’m happy for her to have her stocking when she wakes up. I said ‘oh, she’ll probably have everyone up as she’ll be excited and want to show you all what she’s got’. Just got a groan from df, and pointed silence from dm and dsis said ‘she can show me stuff but I’m not getting up’. So if they have their way it’ll be me and dp getting up with dd to do stocking and them emerging 2/3 hours later.
AIBU to think that this is slightly mean spirited on Christmas Day?
They would never dream of letting us having a lie in by taking dd in the morning normally (obviously wouldn’t want that in Xmas day as I want to be there!) and refuse to get up before 8 when we come to stay, even if we’re up for ages before then. My dp’s mum would be so excited to get up with us and dd on Christmas morning and open her stocking. Am I making a bit deal out of nothing? I just feel a bit disappointed by my family but maybe I need to accept that other people just aren’t going to be as interested/excited about my kid as I would like! What would your Xmas morning routine be with your wider family?

I have heard of grandparents treating and / or spoiling their grandchildren, babysitting for an evening and offering/providing childcare if the parents both work

but offering/providing a lie in - never seen that on MN

Yep, my parents and my husbands parents would never offer a lie in and actually will hatdly ever baby sit except in an emergency, host dinners but ask us to leave shortly after and continuoulsy ask us to look after their pets and run errands. We aleays moan about them haha, as we would love them to actually offer to help, they do occassionally do something but it is very few and far between. I think some grandparents are naturally like second parents and can't do enough but others are more in the mindset of they have done their child rearing. We have the latter type but we don't love them any less we just have to respect their life choices even though it can be disapointing.

I have seen loads and loads of posts about this - mostly from people who don't want their mil to have their baby or toddler overnight (which naturally includes the early morning the next day)

My parents and PIL between them have only done one night of childcare when I was in labour with our second but I don't think that's the norm

I think you're conflating two things here - whether it is reasonable to allow your dd to wake everyone up to show them her stocking presents at 6am (which it isn't, imho - and which seems to be the majority opinion on this thread) and whether or not you should be offered a lie in every now and again when you stay over (still should not be an expectation - more of a "nice-if-it's-offered" but not a big thing if it isn't. Both my dm and my mil offered to have ours
so I could go back to bed for an hour or two but I don't think any of them (incl df and fil) volunteered to get up at 6am on any day to provide childcare, tbh)

These responses make me feel really sad. My Nan was always so excited to see us get our santa presents, I'd be very disappointed if our parents weren't the same with their grandchildren.

@HennyPenny42 my MIL was like yours when dcs were little. Totally doting as was FIL. Dm not so much. She wouldn't offer to babysit. She loved dcs just cba 🤣

Sorry but you’re being very unreasonable.

I would never, ever be getting up at 6am on Christmas Day for anyone’s child who wasn’t mine. I think them getting up at 8 is very reasonable and normal. When I was younger we got up around 7 on Christmas Day and our parents gave us our stockings then and relished in the excitement with us, but would never have expected any extended family to do the same! Especially 6am, bloody hell.

My adult children who until v recently had 4 grandparents all had different experiences from each set of grandparents and looking back they value each of them
my ILs lived nearer and never ‘helped’ as such with childcare but were interested and generous. They would be there in a crisis and have a money towards a house deposit/ gave our children some money at university.
They never got up at 6am and I think there is something in the advice they have ‘been there
done that’. they never did overnights or babysit
my parents lived in a different country and would come and babysit and encourage us to go away
for weekends/holidays or keep the younger ones
whilst we took away older ones.
My mum would love the 6ams
it is a long game parenting. Take your parents/ ILs as you find them, they will all have strengths and weaknesses.
we spent most of our xmases at home and visited after Christmas. Less pressure for everyone. It is exhausting staying away with kids. Do what is easiest for you as a family

I'm one of the "been there, done that" tribe too @ipredictariot5
My GC wait until 9.30 when we and their uncle go round (he's not an early riser!) and then we have breakfast afterwards. There's no way I'd be up at six, when my four DC were little we waited until around 8.00.

Uhm, your daughter is 3 !!! She will hardly know or care I'd anyone else is there.
To be honest, it all sounds a bit like indulging a child at the expense of everyone else.
If you want everyone to sit bleary eyes watching a tot shred paper, I think you are indulging yourself.
Try distracting her with the stocking contents.
We did not get to open our gifts under the tree until after breakfast, and we all survived without any mental scarring.

I'm a bit late to this but anyone who objects to being awakened by a little kid on Christmas day needs to fuck off, it's the whole point of it

Totally unreasonable to expect everyone to be up at 6.00 am surely 8.00 am is early enough, would not appreciate 6.00 am wake up call, if your DC wake you up early it's up to you doesn't mean to wake up GD at that time if they don't want to

We never had others here on Xmas morning til this year and last and the kids are now late teens but I no way would I expect family to get up that early. Stockings are for bed and used to keep kids in bed longer, not for waking the family up early to show them the stocking!

Yes, agree with that, especially in their home.

We had our son and granddaughter also 3 yrs old and we were both up when they were, what's the point in sharing you're christmas day if you cant be bothered to get up with them, you're parents and sister are miserable so n so;s

I wouldn't mind as am always up before 6.

My daughter, 21, got up at 1100 because we went to Midnight Mass I was out with the dog before 6 as usual.

We opened gifts at 6pm and had our special lunch at teatime today. It was all fine.

As soon as she was old enough to tell time my SD was under strict orders not to wake us up before 8am. She have a couple of little presents and a stocking in her room to open but the rest we had to wait for. The one morning she woke us up at 4am and if it hadn’t been for me checking my watch because it was still dark we would have got up as she’d changed all the clocks (lounge and hallway) to 8am. Needless to say we started taking the batteries out of them on Christmas Eve so she couldn’t do it again

Yes YABU. Parents do the 6am thing. Other relatives get to stay in bed until a more sensible time. Your sister said your daughter could go in a show her what she had got, but she was going to stay in bed. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

They didn’t say they minded being woken up. The OPs sister specifically said the child could go into her room and show her, but that she wasn’t getting out of bed for it (at 6am) 🙄

Out of interest, how do you do it? My son (also 5) runs to my bedroom at whatever time he wakes up (between 6/7.30) cuddle for 10-15 min and is asking to go downstairs or go back to his room. But he always wants me there because it’s dark 🙄

My children (6 and 4) both stay in bed until 7:30 too, and did so yesterday. They each have a gro-clock and just aren't allowed to get up until it lights up. That's always been a rule. They can sit in bed and look at books if they want until it's time.

@TheEveningSun We have someone managed to instil in DS the belief that he can't actually get out of bed by himself and/or he's just so lazy that it's easier for him just to wait for us to come and get him when we see he's awake. It is one of our best parenting achievements even though I have no idea how we managed it.

Love this. Maybe that's also also why my two don't get up. They've never come into our room in the morning- we've always gone to them. I thought it was the gro-clock but maybe they just don't realise they can get up themselves 😅

I’d rather do stocking gifts in bed with coffee and children. Not any other family members . They can be there later for opening big presents. I wouldn’t be happy being told when to get up I like my sleep an having 3 young kids I wouldn’t be getting up for anyone else’s! And I would refuse to do my kids stocking till 7am at the earliest.

a great achievement! My two are out of the bed and their rooms as soon as they open their eyes 🤦🏻‍♀️ looking for us!