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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Will Dh wake up in time

146 replies

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 24/12/2024 22:43

He’s really pissing me off

As usual I’ve done every single thing for Christmas
It’s our normal thing that if we’re at our house on Christmas eve, I go to bed with dd..Christmas stories etc and fall asleep. Dh then brings all the presents downstairs, sets them up, eats the mince pie and carrot, drinks the milk and so on.
Dd fast asleep for ages, I couldn’t hear Dh milling about at all, trying not to nod off as so tired. So i creep downstairs and he’s fast asleep on the sofa. I woke him up to remind him (he sometimes falls asleep on the sofa until the morning and dd goes down)
I reminded him to put them out, because if he doesn’t wake up and she comes down, she’ll obviously be devastated, I also ate half the bloody mince pie, drank the milk etc. He sat up
half asleep and said he would. Ive come back up to bed and still can’t hear any moving about. I cannot relax and fall asleep until I know he’s done it, just cannot rely on him at all, If I go down and wake him up, he’ll probably be angry as in ‘I told you i’d do it’ but what if he doesn’t wake up
Shall I just bloody well do that also?

OP posts:
GreenCritic · 25/12/2024 07:42

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Wavescrashingonthebeach · 25/12/2024 07:43

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The other ds is nearly 4

GreenCritic · 25/12/2024 07:43

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whereisthebook · 25/12/2024 07:48

Hesonlyakidharry · 24/12/2024 23:43

I’m Scottish. It’s whisky here (or sherry!). I thought the English did sherry.
Milk is American. I’m guessing you’ve done milk and cookies because you saw it in American films?

It is usually sherry in England.

Although, I’m in SW England and we would leave a pint of cider out for old Father.
Makes sense now I’ve grown up and know that neither of my parents like sherry!

SnoopysHoose · 25/12/2024 07:57

Posts like this baffle me, you went down to wake him to remind him (DD clearly wasn't disturbed when you did this) why not just take the presents down with you??
On another note; I would not be trapped in bed with a child every night for fear of wakening her, that needs sorting.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 25/12/2024 08:03

Years ago ex husband had one job to do at Christmas— check the heating oil. Come Christmas morning I hear him shouting the boiler won’t come on…….Yes, that’d be why. Thank goodness for electric showers or it would have been a smelly as well as a not very warm Christmas.

🤞 your DH got the presents out.

ThriveIn2025 · 25/12/2024 08:08

Piemam · 24/12/2024 23:17

All by myself. I can't rely on anyone else to do it.

Same. Sad as that is.

pimplebum · 25/12/2024 08:13

I am in a lesbian relationship and this lazy un caring sexist shite is why I am in a happy caring supportive lesbian relationship no pressure for sex also

MollyRover · 25/12/2024 08:13

SnoopysHoose · 25/12/2024 07:57

Posts like this baffle me, you went down to wake him to remind him (DD clearly wasn't disturbed when you did this) why not just take the presents down with you??
On another note; I would not be trapped in bed with a child every night for fear of wakening her, that needs sorting.

Ya ridiculous. What an absolute drama about nothing. Looking to aggravate the man because she's busy pretending their child can't even sleep without her. Putting all the presents in the "right" places 🙄. Merry Christmas everyone, hope the rest of you aren't worrying about this kind of trivial sh*te and are enjoying your morning!!

TheChosenTwo · 25/12/2024 08:13

BrieHugger · 25/12/2024 00:17

Do people not leave Santa just whatever their Santa happens to like? Ours liked a large baileys on ice and some Ferrero Rocher (because he must get really sick of mince pies, mustn’t he)

We leave out sloe gin, dh was delighted that ds poured it as he clearly doesn’t have a clue about measures. Poor Santa wouldn’t have been able to control the sleigh after that generous slug! In fact, dh retired to bed shortly after drinking it 😂 and dd1 ate the mince pie!

Rosscameasdoody · 25/12/2024 08:40

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You might want to ask for how many christmases OP has done ‘every single thing’ with good grace before she realised she was being taken for granted and expected to get on with it, which is probably when the grimace and muttering began. I simply cannot believe the internalised misogyny on this thread. This was the one job her DH had and he couldn’t do it without stressing her out, yet she’s the one being judged.

GreenCritic · 25/12/2024 08:41

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Thaiyogamassage · 25/12/2024 08:41

Mew2 · 25/12/2024 07:12

Here my 4 year old knows that santa isn't real- she tells me he is just like the gruffalo. Also tells us Mummy and Daddy play santa to be kind as santa is a lovely idea (and talks a little bit of Saint nick). So we wouldn't have the same issue. Again here stockings may come from santa but presents dont- otherwise how can you explain the disparity in what some children get. Mine knows we pay for it....

🙄

ALunchbox · 25/12/2024 08:42

How old is your daughter that she needs to cosleep and will cry if she wakes and you are not there? That sounds quite young - too young to understand the concept of Xmas and Santa?
Perhaps it's not something you need to worry about this year (although the situation with your partner needs addressing)

Chaseandstatus · 25/12/2024 08:54

OP you sound really hard working and thoughtful, your husband doesn’t sound like a keeper. I hope you and your daughter have a lovely Christmas x

GiddyRobin · 25/12/2024 08:55

My God, some of the snotty comments about co-sleeping and kids waking. Both our kids bedshared and if I was gone they bloody noticed some nights, especially as i was breastfeeding. It didn't need fixing, it was lovely, hard but lovely. We spent a lot of time in bed early those days watching TV shows and sneaking away like naughty kids ourselves. You'll be pleased to know that at 8 and 4 they're both wonderful and independent sleepers. It's a blip in time, and we're both glad we did it.

Ignore posts like this, OP. Nothing wrong with what you're doing - or by wanting the magic for a young child. We did the same even before they "got" it, and funnily enough they both did "get it" as soon as they could walk and talk. People don't give kids enough credit for their observational skills.

Anyway, I'm off to make a morning snack plate as the DC dig in and won't be back for a bun-fight which is what I reckon some of the more snide comments are after. On Christmas Day of all things!

Hope you have a lovely day, OP. ❤️

Arrivederla · 25/12/2024 08:59

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 24/12/2024 23:33

It took two seconds to nip down and wake him, longer to get all the presents out and put them in the right places and stockings etc. We do the whole thing-short letter from santa thanking for the mince pie, footprints etc. It’s his thing not mine, I do everything else!!

You are making a rod for your own back here op, with this level of drama and fuss. What children will remember about Christmas is a happy, relaxed fun time with parents who are also enjoying the day, not a furious and uptight mother and a tired and resentful father.

I agree that he doesn't sound like he is much help, but maybe he isn't totally on board with this level of fuss? Have a chat about what Christmas is going to look like going forward; it does look to me like a lot of your stress is unnecessary and self-imposed!

katepilar · 25/12/2024 09:39

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 24/12/2024 23:39

Yes! Just called by messenger asking which goes where etc, so now I have to remind of the whole procedure and try to get to sleep 😴

I would tell him you use his brain at this point.
Hope it all has a happy ending.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/12/2024 10:30

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 24/12/2024 23:39

Yes! Just called by messenger asking which goes where etc, so now I have to remind of the whole procedure and try to get to sleep 😴

You have special places for presents?

Printedword · 25/12/2024 10:30

MissHemsworth · 25/12/2024 05:38

Mumsnet honestly 🤣

We left milk out for Santa too OP it's pretty common.

As for DH no advice but you have my sympathy as my STBXH was the same. Lazy and uninvolved AF. One of the many reasons he is now an ex.

Growing up in the 60s and 70s it was a glass of Sherry we left out. A wee dram here.

Printedword · 25/12/2024 10:32

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 24/12/2024 23:37

What do you give instead?

DC now a teen. We used to put out a small whisky. When I was a child it was Sherry

Anotherfrozenpizzafortea · 25/12/2024 10:47

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 24/12/2024 22:51

She’s smart, she made a special mince pie and would see it was back in the fridge or bin, I threw the milk down the sink as can’t drink milk like that

If she's smart and old enough to have made a special mince pie, or to check the bin, I think it might be time to let her grow up a bit more and cut out the co-sleeping?

WingingItSince1973 · 25/12/2024 12:19

Semiramide · 25/12/2024 04:33

@Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea - your daughter is young enough for you to 'need' to co-sleep.

And yet she is getting presents that are too big and heavy for you to carry downstairs?

Are you sure she is not getting too much...

Oh my goodness why have you picked on this? How weird.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/12/2024 18:08

Arrivederla · 25/12/2024 08:59

You are making a rod for your own back here op, with this level of drama and fuss. What children will remember about Christmas is a happy, relaxed fun time with parents who are also enjoying the day, not a furious and uptight mother and a tired and resentful father.

I agree that he doesn't sound like he is much help, but maybe he isn't totally on board with this level of fuss? Have a chat about what Christmas is going to look like going forward; it does look to me like a lot of your stress is unnecessary and self-imposed!

Edited

‘Tired and resentful father’. Ohhhhhh. Poor love !!

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyea · 25/12/2024 22:44

Didimum · 25/12/2024 00:51

You’re making such a rod for your own back.

What?

OP posts: